Had some bad news yesterday, so feeling pretty rotten.
However, I have been asked to 'mentor' a young writer. I was looking forward to this because he's very bright and very funny . . .
Right, to cut a long story short . . . I do not want to read about a character who is blessed with 'piercing blue eyes', who is constantly having his 'nostrils invaded' by terrible smells and lives in an 'ordinary pebble-dashed semi' . . . ever again.
I want a character with a lazy watery eye . . . whose nostrils are so frazzled from drug abuse that they've fallen off . . . and for the hell of it . . . lives secretly under the floorboards in Buckingham Palace eating scraps originally thrown down for the corgis. Perhaps I'm not serious, but you get my drift . . .
Writing sarcastic snippets like this cheers me up when life is being a shit.