Monday, 8 September 2008

Let It Shine

I may have found myself a potential new career and a way of earning some extra cash to fight off the credit crunch blues. I have been offered the position of 'Product Placement Operative' at my local Morrisons store. My first shift starts tonight at 6pm and as you can imagine, I'm quite excited.
The Global Ambassador for Morrisons is Essex girl Denise Van Outen, so I will be in good company then. In the Ads Denise leads an army of 'Z' list celebrities, and Lulu, in a trolley trundle up stream, down dale and across valley in search for something fresh to eat. You may have better luck at a supermarket Denise, and you won't get your shoes wet. Denise tells us that she wants it fast and she wants it fresh and she wants it straight from the farmer and she's willing to parachute into a field to get it. She's probably breaking some kind of countryside code by worrying the sheep and scaring the crows, but what the hell, she's got her mitts on a train load of freshly picked apples and she's now on her way to gather plums.
So who will be the next celeb to succumb to signing a contract with Morrisons? My money's on Dame Helen Mirren. Still clad in her bikini she'll emerge from the surf, the spitting image of Honey Ryder in Dr No, and with regal poise and determination she'll trundle with her trolley over sand dune and through rock pool, stopping every now and then to seek out cockles and muscles, several crab sticks and a fresh fish finger for her tea.

12 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

The highpoint of Denise's career was hosting the TV game show Prickly Heat, which became a cult hit in the Congo. The theme tune of that show should be the official anthem of Basildon. I'm afraid it's been downhill for her ever since.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0190918/

Dame Helen seems more like a Pussy Galore than a Honey Ryder, but I'm sure Morrison's could make use of her talents.

Mrs Pouncer said...

I don't remember Prickly Heat; it sounds fatuous.
My daughter, Joybells, the theatrical, was in a musical with Denise when she was Denise Douglas. They were in the swing ensemble (this is when you are in the chorus, but also have to understudy some of the minor roles). She says she was a cow.
There are other ways of earning easy money, you know, Scarliepie.

scarlet-blue said...

Good morning. Yes GB, I wanted her to be 'Pussy Galore' as well but try as I might I couldn't change film history. Very annoying! I saw a female realative of yours on the telly last night advertising 'Air Wick' . . .And also you turned up during Big Brother on Friday banging along to Bonnie Tyler's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' . . . was that you? I must say you looked a fine specimen of a Gorilla . . .
Hello Mrs P, I've heard similar stories about Denise . . . and any money making schemes or suggestions that you can offer me will be most welcome. What is Joybells doing now? Has she ever met John Barrowman?
Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

Prickly heat only had two seasons, but its theme song "Ooey, ooey, ooh!" was a classic in my view.

My relatives get everywhere, Miss Scarlet, you shouldn't assume that every gorilla you see is me. I am currently in negotiations with The Coca Cola Company to star in a remake of their famous 'I'd like to teach the world to sing' commercial.

scarlet-blue said...

I don't remember 'Prickly Heat' either, but it can't have been bad because Julian Clary wrote it . . . was it anything like the superb 'Sticky Fingers'?
Best Coke ad ever . . . I was very small but I remember it. I'm looking forward to your version, it'll make you famous, a guaranteed no.1 in the charts . . . and then blogging will become nothing more than a hazy memory . . .

Glamourpuss said...

Isn't the joy of such a position being allowed to eat the broken packets of biscuits in the storeroom? Well, it was in my day...

Puss

Kate Lord Brown said...

Waitrose be damned - I'm off to Morrisons (farmer's plums and Dame Helen's fishy fingers ... my mind is reeling with the image ...)

the beast of berkeley hunt said...

Work hard, and you might even break the glass ceiling into Asda.

EmmaK said...

I'm just not quite sure what this exciting position involves. Do tell. The only time I enjoyed working at Asda was while drunk. As a student I was a night shift shelf stacker, used to start at midnight after a night on the piss...used to help myself to juice boxes, chocolate etc while ostensibly stacking. For some reason I wasn't sacked.

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Puss and Kate . . . I'm looking forward to the left overs at the bakery . . . and Dame Helen has developed a real talent for fishing!
Sx

scarlet-blue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
scarlet-blue said...

Hello Beast of Berkeley: Flipping 'eck, I'm going to have to find out who the Global Ambassador for Asda is now . . .

Hello Emmak: A perk of the job for a dedicated worker . . . !