Monday, 20 October 2008

This is not just food . . .

Piers Morgan on M&S Steak




This is Marks and Spencer trying to go down market in an effort to entice credit crunched consumers back into their food halls. I think they're shooting themselves in the foot - especially by asking Piers Morgan to do the voice over; like he's popular. When I first heard this advert I wasn't looking at the screen, so I thought it was an ad for Morrisons - what with Piers waxing lyrical about his wants and must haves: "I want my steak hot, red and raw and slapped across a sizzling griddle." He rasps - okay he doesn't quite say that, but I wish he would. Oh come on Marks and Sparks, what are you playing at? Where's the orgasmic fizz and the warm chocolate sauce being drizzled over steaming chocolate pudding (800 calories a shot). You're losing your appeal; too little S&M is making you look like Lidl . . . .
Anyhow, this is how it should be . . .





48 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

Made my way over from Mutley's.
I couldn't get first vid to work, but the second is delicious, isn't it?
ut really, who makes all that?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Luxury food and sex are out this Christmas, Miss Scarlet. That steak was actually quite average. I thought Mr Morgan's voice-over was the steak talking.

scarlet-blue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
scarlet-blue said...

Sorry Ubermouth, (and welcome!) I think the first video is supposed to take you to 'Visit4info' to view the new M&S ad . . . and then Piers Morgan will tell you how he likes his steak.
Cooking - I know, I really should learn as well!

Mr Bananas, I think you'll find that food and luxury sex are never 'out' . . .

Sx

Gyppo Byard said...

Cbeebies did an excellent programme trailer for "Big Cook Little Cook" parodying this...

But seriously, this is food porn, pure and simple.

Dinner in the Gyppo household is more like "These are not just baked potatoes, these are baked potatoes that have been overcooked and stuck slightly to the baking tray to be prized off amid much swearing and then dropped on the floor, before having old cheddar with the mouldy bits cut off grated carelessly over your wife's lap, earning a much merited castigation."

BEAST said...

Food porn only really works when you have the likes of Nigella hamming it up and heaving her bosoms .
I cant imagine Piers Morgan being anyones secret food fantasy .
You tell em Scarlet !

DONN COPPENS said...

"Too little S&M" indeed!

This intrusion of Reality TV pseudo-lebrities into the "real world" simply must stop.

If it doesn't, people might start to question the authenticity of adverts..then what?
ANARCHY!!!

I wish Beast had not conjured up images of Nigella heaving her bosoms..
now my morning is shot!

scarlet-blue said...

Do I live with you Mr Gyppo? We live in very similar kitchens.

Ah Beastie . . . there is Gordon ripping his shirt off . . . and there is the gorgeous Marco Pierre White . . . but nowhere on my radar is there Piers Morgan . . . I mean what were M&S thinking???

Mr Coppens . . . now you have Gordon Ramsey and Marco Pierre White to think about. I have, in effect, saved you from thinking any more about heaving bosums . . .

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

. . . bosoms . . .bosums . . . besoms . . . my spelling is atrocious today.
Sx

Glamourpuss said...

Piers Morgan is a cunt - clever cunt, but still a cunt.

Puss

scarlet-blue said...

Yes Puss, I couldn't have put it better myself!
Sx

having my cake said...

Nigella does nothing for me... but, ooooh, when Gordon rips his shirt off, I get quite overcome by thoughts of luxury sex with food, although, being only a very little girl, I am a bit concerned about his size 15 feet :)

*Shakes self*

Dervla Kirwen's sumptuous voice-overs really do the business for M&S. Methinks Piers is to appeal to the credit crunchers who have had to forsake the foodhalls of Harrods and Fortunum and Mason...

VE said...

I couldn't see the video damnit. But I suspect sinful things are amiss in it. I'm calling the pope right now...

Jade of the Jungle said...

Ooooh mmmmmnnnnnn, the happy days of the chocolate pud ad.....shudder....

Kate Lord Brown said...

Miss Scarlet - (sigh) salad for tea tonight. For the ultimate food/sex moment http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vRJw7j7sm4Q Something for this year's M&S Xmas offering? - (let's hope Edwina Curry isn't watching) x

Crabtree said...

Me here, miss scarlet, thank you for your small visit :)

Wouaaaa! 800 calories the pouding to the chocolate !! Soon Christmas, how much for the pudding of butter of cognac (Plum Pouding)?

With my friendships

Grump said...

Not living in the UK for the last 30 years means I don't get the nuances of the different presentations. The Piers steak is shite, looks limp and flaccid from the word go. The voice over is like a nature programme, talking about 'Road Kill'. As for the Christmas second set of Ads. I never knew Marks and Spencers did food ads. I remember them as a clothing store with a very ordinary canteen. How times change.
I cook my steaks on the BBQ I love them Blue. Which is like your namesake.
Mark x

scarlet-blue said...
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scarlet-blue said...

Have a look at Kate's eggy link Ms Cake, though possibly after breakfast . . .

That's a brilliant link Kate, although it has put me off my breakfast!

Sorry about my dodgy link VE, you have to click on "watch this ad" - not on the arrow. It's only Piers Morgan banging on about how he wants his lump of meat . . .

Jade, you be careful with the eggy link as well - it's dangerous . . .

Bonjour Crabtree, et accueillir ! Je suis sûr que vous êtes beaucoup trop beau pour soucier des calories. Il y a toujours une Marques et Spencer à Paris?
Hello Crabtree, and welcome! I'm sure you're much too lovely to worry about calories. Is there still a Marks and Spencer's in Paris?

"The Piers steak is shite, looks limp and flaccid from the word go." . . . Yes Grump . . . so is Piers . . .

Sx

having my cake said...

Oh my life! Now there is a link! LMAO. But with Ruf being a vegan... :)

scarlet-blue said...

I thought you might like it!
Sx

BEAST said...

the heaving bosom's work for both Nigella and Gordons Moobs . You would think Mrs ramsey would iron his face before letting him out in public

Jade of the Jungle said...

OMG, that video is hilarious! Didn't watch all of it (open plan office and all that) but you know the director's failed in his task when all you can think is "have they not heard of salmonella?"

scarlet-blue said...

Let's call them 'breasts' Beastie, 'bosoms' is a bit of a mouthful . . .

Exactly what went through my mind Jade! Watch the rest when you have a moment, it is good.

Sx

Crabtree said...

Marks & Spencer boulevard Haussmann to Paris, lowered his curtain at the end of 2001!! It Could in Open again soon and have again on their pediment the letters M&S of the group!

Effectively! The calories not no took on me, a gram in too on my bun (belly), svelte as a top- models:)

KAZ said...

And why will they give me a carrier bag if I buy a pair of knickers but not if I buy food?

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: I have always found M&S to be rather coy in the underwear department, but they like to flash their lamb chops.

Crabtree: Je suis un peu en retard sur son èpoque ! 2001 ! Mais pourquoi faire M&S? de besoin de Paris ! Je suis sûr que vous êtes tout à fait svelte et ne doit pas l'inquiétude de la quantité de petits pains que vous mangez.
I'm a little bit behind the times! 2001! But why would Paris need M&S?! I'm sure you are quite svelte and don't have to worry about the amount of buns you eat.

Sx

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

Which British guy is Piers Morgan? The one from "American Idol?"

:: Wendy :: said...

Food and Sex are often out.
I often have to go out for food because I'm so bad at stocking up inhouse. Sex is out only when fellow and weather are coordinated which is only a rather riversoaked faded memory.

Kevin Musgrove said...

The clever boys in ad-land thought that we'd all pick up on the punchline that the M&S steak made Piers Moron speechless and we'd all give thanks. Smith & Wesson might have been a better product to try this tack with.

Food porn doesn't do it for me but one of my foodie friends can get very excitable in restaurants, which can be terribly distracting.

(Haven't I been good? Not one Michael Rodd reference!)

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Mr Neal I think Piers has done some kind of talent show thingy but I think you're thinking of that other British great: Mr Simon Cowell. Him with his trousers tucked under his chin.

Wendy, Me, you and Mrs P out on the pull in Reading. I'm sure she'll show us a thing or two!

Yes Kev, let's keep the Michael Rodd reference between ourslves eh?! Please!!!!!!

Sx

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

Sorry - all you Brits look alike.

PI said...

I know that slightly nasal voice but I can't place her. Parsnips - yes please.
I never use that word but I really don't like Piers Morgan or his oeuvre
- if you can call it that.

PI said...

BTW I thought Paris did have M& S and it failed?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Neal Yep, we all wear our trousers too high . . . either that or they're down by our ankles.

Pat I thought the French nearly rioted when M&S said it was closing down the Paris store? I will have to look it up.
Dervla Kirwen's voice-overs will be sorely missed.

Sx

The Dotterel said...

Have we got to wait until December?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Dotterel, we are always waiting for December. It's what we do best.
Sx

BEAST said...

Piers Morgan is playing the Simon Cowell role on America's got talent

BEAST said...

Where is Mrs P ?

scarlet-blue said...

Beastie, I can't follow all these shows . . . I am a bit of a 'Strictly Come Dancing' fan. I like the frocks.
Erm . . . you can catch up with Mrs P and myself in conversation, usually between the hours of 2pm and 3pm, over at Inkspot's. You missed a good one yesterday. They made me take my clothes off. Forced me. It was very pretty.
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Well thank you very much Beast. The only person to enquire about my welfare and whereabouts. I have purposely withheld my counsel as a test. Scarlet is far too self-obsessed to notice my absence. It is very hurtful. This must be what empty-nest syndrome feels like.
At least someone cares. It is Beast. Of all people.

EmmaK said...

one thing M&S could do to make people buy the ready made meals would be to make them taste of something. I used to live off them because I am v lazy but quite honestly I was seduced by the luscious visuals on the box and always ended up being dissapointed by the pale and washed out fare inside.

Dr Maroon said...

Hi Scarlett,
can I bum a Moscow Mule off you? I'm on the wagon and could do with a reviver, I'm a little jangly.

scarlet-blue said...

Mrs P, You know that you are always welcome here at any time . . . it should feel like a second home . . . it's just I know you are an important lady and have many blogs to visit. And beast is a lovely bloke for noticing your absence. Yes Dr Maroon, it is very late but I have a dribble of mule that I am more than happy to share.

Hello Emma, trouble is when you get in late, ready meals seem like the only option. But you are right, and I should really learn to cook properly . . . well, at least I should try something more adventurous than cheese on toast!

Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Miss Scarlet, you've been tagged (come on over!)

Can Bass 1 said...

My word, you have got a lot of comments on this post. Maybe Piers Morgan isn't so unpopular after all?

Misssy M said...

I fin d that doing the M and S voice over when I present my efforts to the Flying Martini family helps things along.

"Country wheat, ground into delicious mounds of crumbly goodness, drizzled with full cream Jersey milk from the most beautiful of cows. Served in an unchipped, fully dishwasher clean bowl. Not just breakfast, but Weetabix breakfast..."

If it works for them...

scarlet-blue said...

I'm really late up this morning I went to see 'Mirrors' . . . and now Kate's tagged me! And she's tagged Misssy and Emma as well!

Hello Mr Bass, I could do with some divine inspiration!!!

Hello Misssy did you look at Kate's M&S suggestion? I have an idea . . .