Wednesday, 26 November 2008

The Fabric of Life



This is an oldie. I loathe this advert so much that it almost gives me pleasure - kind of pervy I know. The central character in this ad is Carol and she’s an out of work dentist from Harrow who’s dumped herself on Wayne, a billionaire playboy from Wigan. Wayne pulled her at a hot nightspot called ‘Sandy’s Plaice’ in Wigan High Street, which is highly regarded for it’s sea-food platter and salty ambiance. Wayne, as we can see, is a little worried cos he only meant for her to stay for one night but now she’s moved in all her stuff and has turned his box room into her own personal closet. He’s kind of resigned himself to her presence; she’ll do for now and she has her uses, such as doing the laundry. Anyhow, in this scene we see Carol having a hissy fit because she can’t find anything nice to wear for a big night out with Wayne; she’s throwing all her designer clothes about and stamping on them, that is until she has a brilliant idea. She heads to the kitchen, and from the washing machine she pulls out Wayne’s best white shirt [Armani]. We know it’s been washed in Bold 2in1 because she comes close to orgasm when she sniffs it [we’ve all been there]. Wayne's been waiting for her for ages and keeps looking at his watch, but he’s too scared to say anything other than: ‘you look fine’ and ‘no, of course it doesn’t bother me that you’re nicking all my clothes’. What the hell, she’s a cheap date who gets off on washing powder.
Later we see the happy couple arriving at an exclusive Wigan restaurant. Carol chucks her coat at a nearby cloakroom attendant and struts her stuff as bold as brass; she’s definitely on the dazzle and has overdosed again. And Wayne? Wayne’s quite happy - he knows exactly what she’s gonna do for a smear of comfort and a dab of lemon fresh Persil.

45 comments:

Ginro said...

I've never liked that advert, she's such a poseur, lol.

And my choice of fabric conditioner is that Lenor 'sleep sensations' purple one (haven't a clue what flavour it's called). But I love the smell of it so much I sometimes just open the bottle and stand there smelling it.

Tescos French lavender washing up liquid is really nice too.

Dave said...

Ah yes, as you say, we've all been there.

Wrights Coal Tar soap for me.

Jade of the Jungle said...

Her face as she's sniffing her shirt is hilarious! Don't we all just look exactly like that when we're doing our laundry.

(looking forward to seeing what Google ads will be throwing my way on this thread!)

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

You deduce all that from a 30 second advert? Impressive ... although this has to be the best advert ever. French, natch.

Kate Lord Brown said...

Scarlet - It's like one of those nightmares where you have gone out half naked ... Non-bio and Comfort Sensitive (for the littlies) just doesn't have the same effect. I'm with Daphne - forget the aphrodisiac qualities of laundry - get busy with the fizzy.

Geoff said...

A nostril full of Daz and a picture of Danny Baker...

Word Verification Code said...

hetterst

Common Tater said...

Scents & Scentsability

I saw an Scentual experiment in which women sniffed random white T shirts that had been worn overnight by random men..

after the women had graded them the scientists discovered that the gals had chosen hornymones (pheremones)from gene pools that complimented their attributes.

That ad reminds me of all those old movies when the morning after the night before could only be implied by showing the starlet flitting about in the man's shirt and her hair was slightly askew.
Scandalous.

scarlet-blue said...

Ginro: well, she certainly looks like she's got her knickers in a twist. I use fairy. I have sensitive skin.

Dave: I like coal tar soap! Very clean.

Jade: I think our Carol is losing the thread...

Daphne: Yep, this French ad starred Carol's French cousin, Claudette. Good with her hands... also did hand modelling for L'Occitane...

Kate: Isn't it jizzy with the fizzy... or fizzy with the jizzy... I don't know... it all goes over my head. I'm an innocent.

Geoff: Let's leave Danny Baker on the doorstep.. where he belongs...

Mr Verification: Iceberg Lettuce?

Mr Common: I think Carol is in need of a good ruffling... but Wayne's too scared...

Sx

PI said...

I remember doing that, in desperation, when I was preggers. Sadly I just looked like a pregnant lady in her husband's shirt.
Daphne's reminded me of the lyric by that large deep voiced lady who started out with Boy George. Google can't help me and I'm having a senior day

KAZ said...

Er - Did she keep her knickers on?
I didn't notice.

scarlet-blue said...

Pat: Do you mean Helen Terry?

Kaz: She's prancing around like a woman with no knickers if you ask me. I know the sort.

Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Scarlet - you may well be right in her case. 'Get jizzy with the fizzy' would have sold more SodaStreams too.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Are you sure they're not married, Miss Scarlet? He seemed to have a resigned look on his face.

scarlet-blue said...

Kate: I loved sodastream! I was so excited when my Mum bought one. I would have drunk anything that was fizzy...

Mr Bananas: Ah... I didn't think of that...

Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

Reasons why it can't be Wigan:

* They have a washing machine in the kitchen. Pielanders have washing machines by the river. The rest of us call them rocks.

* Clean, pressed, boiled-white shirt. Where are the teeth marks in the shoulders?

I suspect it's more likley to be somewhere more sophisticated, like Skelmersdale. Otherwise the analysis is spot-on.

Wright's coal tar soap. Or else that brick-red carbolic soap they used to cut off the block at the hardware shop.

PI said...

No. She's white, quite big, big strong voice and in one of her songs she sings about 'you grow in my hand'
Maddening - I've got a CD somewhere.

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: I like block soap, freshly cut, but sometimes it's difficult to lather. Sort of slides about all over the place and is too big for my hands.

Pat: I don't know then Pat, I think Helen was white, but Shall we say 'Alison Moyet' and have done with it?

Sx

CyberPete said...

That is one sorry commercial.

It isn't bold stealing the Armani shirt, it's stupid.

Not only does it not look good on her, but she risks getting the boot because no man should let their girlfriends wear their white Armani shirts.

Just imagine getting lippy off that. I doubt even Bold can do that.

Dr Maroon said...

That sniff test.
There is a test we men do when a pair of clean underpants, laid out that morning, get mixed up with those awaiting laundry. Rather than cutting out losses and getting another pair, we say, "is it these ones?..sniff... NO, Is it these ones?...sniff...NOO!, is it these ones?...sniff...Jesus!...is it these ones?...

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet I don't like this advert iether , its the smug ending that annoys the most .
Dr Maroon , there is a simpler test , like cooking perfect spaghetti , throw your pants at the wall. If they stick its time for the laundry basket

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Don't you just want to slap her? I'm not a violent person, but I think Carol needs to be sat down for a good talking to.

Dr Maroon: I make it a rule never to nick men's pants, but I can quite understand why they like wearing mine. No skid marks.

Beastie: Finally out from cavorting under your duvet then? There'll be no pant tossing here, I'll have you know...

Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Good God, Maroon.
That's it. We're through.

Mrs Pouncer said...

And another thing - and BTW, Scarls, this ad is hideous - yeah, another thing, Maroon. What would you say if, for example, you were in a hotel room - so very limited space, no full length mirror, cramped bathroom, etc., and the woman you were with kept saying "Does this look ok?" or "Do I look like a tart in this?" What would your considered reply be? Hmmm?

scarlet-blue said...

Mrs P: Ah.. so Dr Maroon's real name is Wayne Maroon.. yes, I think that suits him.
Where are you Wayne? Come and answer Mrs P's question.
Sx

Word Verification Code said...

kecks

Famulus said...

Does any one remember a series of ads in the 80' in which cowboys trashed a set of piss-take ads? I think they were for Carling.

One of the ones that they trashed was a soap powder advert. I loved that...

WV: comonso

scarlet-blue said...

Fammy: I think you're right about the Carling ad. They did do some good ones.
Please don't encourage Mr Verification, his popularity has gone to his head.
Sx

Famulus said...

Sorry, but I just couldn't figure out how 'comon' got onto your blog, even if it is misspelt...

scarlet-blue said...

Fammy: No nor do I. Some say it's to do with non-deterministic algorithms that are using heuristics.
Sx

Famulus said...

I think that it was just a mistake.

WV: dison - much better :-)

scarlet-blue said...

Probably... and yes 'dison' is far more appropriate.
Sx

Dr Maroon said...

Clarissa,
the men's underpants comment was a comic hypothetical sketch only. Obviously a gentleman has a valet to to keep his clean linen properly. I was refering to mythical far off student days, nothing more.
In answer to your question regarding mirrorless hotel rooms, I would say that you look beautiful, magnificent, ravishing. If that didn't work, I would point out that they say it may rain Wednesday.

Young Scarlet,
tres drole I'm sure. As you know full well, full well, my name is Achilles. Ask the gas board if you do not believe me, or look it up on the voter's roll for Perth. There cannot be many of us.
I'll have an MM just to show no ill will.
Ax

Dr Maroon said...

One instinctively knows when something is right!

Dr Maroon said...

And another thing Scarlet, (yeah OK I'll take a top up,) what about Daphne?
I'm not so sure she would consider her name a source of derision.
Ax

scarlet-blue said...

Dr Maroon: Apologies, have a mule on the house.
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Dr Maroon: Daphne? I'm sorry Dr Maroon you've lost me. Daphne isn't Wayne, is she?
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Maroon: Sometimes I can be a little slow...
Sx

Dr Maroon said...

Scarlet, I am slow too.
I meant a target for derision, not a source of. Sorry my dear.
Too many funny ciggies.
Ax

Kevin Musgrove said...

I meant to ask: what's the concept behind dinner jackets and traditional kilts besides fishing rods? You've not got a crush on James Robertson-Justice, as well, have you?

word ver: stiongl. Stoingl? My mistake: St. Iongl. It's near Perranporth.

CyberPete said...

I think a good slapping is all she needs. There is no reason for talking.

I'm not violent either but a good slapping and scratching of the face is all in the best interest of everyone. Right?

Gadjo Dilo said...

I initially though "It's a different world over there in Wigan", but it's not, it's exactly the same here: Mrs Dilo is a fan off sniffing freshly washed laundry and then poking it under my nose. Bless!

scarlet-blue said...

Dr Maroon: How are you feeling this afternoon???

Kev: James Robertson-Justice was brilliant - beautiful voice! I like the concept of 'fishing tackle' - it always gives me the giggles...

Pete: Perhaps she should be imprisoned for her crimes against advertising... she should be locked up and made to sit in a vat of Ariel with only Shane Ritchie for company. That'll serve her right...

Gadj: But I'm sure Mrs Dilo is too sensible to nick your shirts Gadj.
I only realised recently that this ad contains visual punning. It's advertising Bold 2in1, which relates to the shirt being worn as a shirt... but can also be worn as a dress. Voila! 2 in 1! I bet someone thought they were clever when they thought of that...

Sx

Gadjo Dilo said...

I bet they did, Scarls, and earned a healthy bonus for doing so too! (Though either of us could have thought of that for nothing, I bet).

WordVer: "everpat", mmmmm!

scarlet-blue said...

Gadj: Trouble is they didn't realise that this ad didn't make people run out and buy Bold 2in1... because everyone snarls when they see smug Carol strutting her butt at the end.. they shot themselves in the foot really...
Sx