Wednesday, 26 November 2008
The Fabric of Life
This is an oldie. I loathe this advert so much that it almost gives me pleasure - kind of pervy I know. The central character in this ad is Carol and she’s an out of work dentist from Harrow who’s dumped herself on Wayne, a billionaire playboy from Wigan. Wayne pulled her at a hot nightspot called ‘Sandy’s Plaice’ in Wigan High Street, which is highly regarded for it’s sea-food platter and salty ambiance. Wayne, as we can see, is a little worried cos he only meant for her to stay for one night but now she’s moved in all her stuff and has turned his box room into her own personal closet. He’s kind of resigned himself to her presence; she’ll do for now and she has her uses, such as doing the laundry. Anyhow, in this scene we see Carol having a hissy fit because she can’t find anything nice to wear for a big night out with Wayne; she’s throwing all her designer clothes about and stamping on them, that is until she has a brilliant idea. She heads to the kitchen, and from the washing machine she pulls out Wayne’s best white shirt [Armani]. We know it’s been washed in Bold 2in1 because she comes close to orgasm when she sniffs it [we’ve all been there]. Wayne's been waiting for her for ages and keeps looking at his watch, but he’s too scared to say anything other than: ‘you look fine’ and ‘no, of course it doesn’t bother me that you’re nicking all my clothes’. What the hell, she’s a cheap date who gets off on washing powder.
Later we see the happy couple arriving at an exclusive Wigan restaurant. Carol chucks her coat at a nearby cloakroom attendant and struts her stuff as bold as brass; she’s definitely on the dazzle and has overdosed again. And Wayne? Wayne’s quite happy - he knows exactly what she’s gonna do for a smear of comfort and a dab of lemon fresh Persil.