Thursday, 20 November 2008

Bag

Mr Beasty and Mr Frobisher have shown me theirs . . . so I''m going to show them mine . . . my bag that is . . .





This is the functional bag that I sling over my shoulder on a daily basis. I apologise for my camera phone pictures. They're crap. Anyhow, the contents of the bag are as follows:-

Red Lipstick; Estee Lauder compact; a tenner; tampons; spare knickers, toothbrush and mini toothpaste [well you never know]; cigarette case and lighter [after three years I've started again]; tweezers; lots of keys - house and car; well tongued alto saxophone reeds [Vandoren 'Jazz' no.3]; vaseline [for emergency eye-lash conditioning]; book - '211 Things A Bright Girl Can Do' by Bunty Cutler [hints and tips on life and everything from 'how to make yoghurt in a thermos flask' to 'how to swing upside-down on a trapeze']

Bet you wished you hadn't asked now . . .

43 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I knew there had to be an innocent explanation for the Vaseline, Miss Scarlet. I never doubted it for a minute. I suggest you add a lucky charm to your bag. I'll send you a little African fertility symbol - unless you'd prefer a big one.

scarlet-blue said...

A big one is always a good idea Mr Bananas.
Vaseline is a versatile substance. It's good for blocking out draughts. And good for keeping you warm if you go swimming in the sea.
Sx

Gadjo Dilo said...

Yes, I started laughing - in the office - when I saw the Vaseline. Couldn't help it, Vaseline just does that too me! It is so versatile, you're right. (Is there a boys version of that book, by any chance?)

Ginro said...

Very interesting Miss Scarlet, and quite an education.

Gadjo Dilo, you could always try the pocket version of the "Dangerous Book for Boys".

Famulus said...

Hey, Gadjo Dilo the male version of the book is The Dangerous Book for Boys. I have it and it doesn't even fit in my manbag...

My manbag lacks a good book though. I should address this...

scarlet-blue said...

Gadj: I have it on good authority that the book you are looking for is... erm... 'The Dangerous Book for Boys'!

Ginro: Education is a good thing. I try my best.

Fammy: Yes it's a tight fit in my girl bag.

Sx

librarylizzie said...

Trust the boys to focus on the vaseline. I was thinking what a v. nice bag it is.

The Dotterel said...

"well tongued alto saxophone reeds"? Without explanation?

scarlet-blue said...

Lizzie: Thank you. It is a nice bag and this photo doesn't do it justice. It's not as plain as it looks and it is like a tardis... plus there are lots of inside, secret pockets.

Dotts: I did toy with the idea of showing off my sax case. And sax. But that would have been showing off...

Sx

Glamourpuss said...

Wow, you carry a lot less crap around with you than I do - I'm very impressed.

Puss

inkspot said...

Hmm. That's not enough stuff to fill that bag. What else is in there that you're too embarrassed to show? Hmm?

BEAST said...

Carrying Spare Knickers is such a practical idea . You never know when you may be struck down by a dreadful gastric incident.
The book sounds interesting , does it have any advice on reading maps.....girls are not very good at that in my experience

PI said...

Cut down where you can to save your shoulder for another day. Smaller vaseline?

Dave said...

How amazing. I have exactly none of those things in my bag.

scarlet-blue said...

Puss: I forgot my diary, sadly. And my purse. And I took the picture with my phone. I do have regular clear outs... there's usually a fluffy extra strong mint knocking around in there somewhere!

Inkybabes: My plastic headscarf for rainy days? That's quite embarrassing...

Beasty: Funny you should mention the gastric incident... it was my friend, I tell you, it wasn't me... she'd just had a curry and then drank 5 Southern Comforts... very messy. I pity the station cleaner who had to clear it up.
I have a Tom Tom.

Pat: I know, Pat, I've just run out of Lypsil. Strawberry flavour.

Dave: But I had you down as a sax player?

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Bunty and I were at school together. She was one of those gels who always had a safety pin on her when you needed one. She wouldn't give it to you, though. I remember the time her knicker elastic snapped during "I vow to thee my country" - just before the last syllable. We all got a detention for stopping in the wrong place.

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne: Give my regards to Bunty if you see her. Her tips on Complete whipcraft, how to look glamorous in a sidecar and how to hide a file in the perfect Victoria sponge, have at times, proved invaluable.
Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Gosh Miss Scarlet - girl after my own heart. This is making me feel quite nostalgic for the days when travelling light meant a pair of knickers, red lippy and a zippo (these days we take half of Mothercare everywhere and you could lose a small continent in my bag let alone a vast pot of Vaseline). There is a boys version of the 211 things Mr Gadjo - popped it in the pilot's stocking last Xmas.

scarlet-blue said...

Kate: We're going to have to hit the town one day... Red lipstick, the full works...
Sx

CyberPete said...

I have a glittery vanilla flavoured lipbalm in my bag.

Who doesn't need a pot of vaseline in ones bag. Those eyelashes could need hydration - STAT!

I love the bag and I think I'll have to get a copy of the book.

Common Tater said...

It will prolly not come as any great surprise that I had a difficult time concentrating on the jist of the list while the phrase well tongued alto saxophone reeds rattled in my vacuous loft alongside the image of the GINORMOUS jar of Vaz.

Until I realised that you would need atleast that much lubrication in order to cover yourself from head to toe in slippery, shiny, glistening..
*CTRL ALT DELETE

where was I, oh yes, in order to sneak out of a room through the heating duct.

Silly me.
*returns to mental image of wind-up toy monkey clanging cymbals

ooh wv is tormid
oh I'm thinking torrid
never mind...

Kevin Musgrove said...

I don't believe this for one moment. No lady's handbag has so very little in it.

Once upon a time I spent half an hour with half the contents of a lady's handbag in my arms (my female companion had been looking for a sheet of paper that had been cut to the size and shape of a picture she wanted framing). I was just a cabbage short of Crackerjack.

glasto!

inkspot said...

Plastic headscarf? Yeah, right. You have convinced exactly none of your male readers.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Scarls, do you want to see what's in mine?
I mean, would you like me to spill the contents tonight? Can you begin to guess what might be in there?
Word vert: tormia

MJ said...

Why isn't my photo in your wallet?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ooerr, thanks, but it all sounds a little too "dangerous" for me. I'm going to put this Vaseline I've used back in the pot and put it back in Mrs Dilo's handbag.

"well tongued alto saxophone reeds" - I've only just realised, you're a saxophonist (like a sax player only classier)! ("nice!")

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: I used to go a bit mad with glittery hair gel, glittery body lotion and glitter nail polish. More is more as they say...
Don't worry, I will bring the book when I move in....

Mr Common: I give good tongue.. what more can I say...?

Kev: I'm not a bag lady, Kev. I like to go hands free... you never know when you're going to need both hands...

Inkybabes: It's a Prada plastic headscarf though...

Mrs P: Hello Mrs P! Yes of course, I think everybody would like to see the contents of your bag! You're going to do your Oddbins bag aren't you?

MJ: Your photo is in my purse... which I forgot to put in the picture. It is always with me.

Gadj: Get a copy of Bunty's book Gadj, it's a lot more practical than the 'Dangerous' book. It even has hints and tips for belly dancing.

SX

KAZ said...

I used to have to instruct my students to lubricate their stopcocks with Vaseline.
No idea why the lesson always ended in chaos.

CyberPete said...

I bought the Kylie Minogue Darling and Showtime sparkly body lotions.

They are fab!

Well more is always more I suppose. If you want to look like a disco ball.

savannah said...

i'm impressed with how orderly your lovely purse is, sugar! i'm still lugging around a HUGE bag that is a catchall for everything and anything!

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: Do you have this lesson on video...? Just wondered... I'm always having problems with my plumber... and my plunger come to that.

Pete: It was a passing fancy of mine... all the glitter. You'll love Bunty's book. There are chapters entitled: 'How to entertain unexpected guests' and 'The Imelda Marcos guide to shoes'.

Savannah: I genuinely carry around as little as possible because I am prone to losing things.

Sx

Bunty's book does have the chapter: 'How to read a map on a car journey'. It advises to think like a man... I think Mr Beast has this book....

EmmaK said...

I don't really know what you need the knickers for. Period accidents? or for devil may care adventures...who knows who I will shag tonight tomorrow I may wake up in Rio?

If I had them in my bag they'd be grey and covered in fluff.

scarlet-blue said...

Emma: ...prone to losing my knickers... you knew I was going to write that didn't you...?
Sx

Can Bass 1 said...

Really, my dear, you ought to be more careful. It can be very cold at this time of the year.

CyberPete said...

Oh oh oh!

Can you move in like now? I really need that book.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Bass: Are you suggesting that it's time for the mink knickers?
Bloody freezing this morning... certainly got the wind up my tail, I can tell you.

Pete: It's taking me ages to pack. What's the weather like there at the moment? If I don't get to you before Christmas I will send you a copy of Bunty's finest and a crate of Champagne... just to smooth my passage.

Sx

CyberPete said...

Sounds fabulous.

There is a sprinkle of snow and it's coldish. Just perfect for that fabulous fur coat.

BEAST said...

I wouldn't advise mink knickers Miss Scarlet , I would imagine they would be rather ticklish , leading to involentary squirming , which in turn may lead the innocent bystander to conclude an infestation of crabs.... not a good look . I would suggest something altogether more sensible with a re enforced gusset . I am sure Mrs P will have an opinion.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Mink coat and mink muff it is then...

Beasty: Nothing like an involuntary squirm on a chilly night. Especially after someone's gone and used the word 'gusset'... reinforced or otherwise... Yes Mrs P does tend to have an opinion on most things...
You'll be saying 'snappy elastic' next and then where will we be?

Sx

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Could you not use the Vaseline to smooth your passage?

mutleythedog said...

I am surprised by the absence of any emergency foodstuffs such as canned pies...

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne:Vaseline and Champagne share much in common: they each make social intercourse so much smoother...

Mutters: Funny you should mention the pies... I ate quite a few last night and you have reminded me to restock.
Damn... they would have looked so good in the pic... and may have even tempted the nice Mr Prescott to show his face...

Sx

LL Cool Joe said...

10 quid is that it??? That wouldn't last me more than 30 minutes. :D

A spare pair of knickers is always a good idea.