Tuesday, 30 December 2008

A Cock-Up

I started the year as a kangaroo, and all was going well until my tail dropped off. Perhaps I should explain myself. I co-wrote a village Pantomime that was set in Australia and I the only way I could have a kangaroo in the script was if I volunteered myself for the part. So I did. I had no lines, but I had to jump around a lot; I am very bouncy, and I managed to have a costume malfunction, which caused much hilarity [and it’s on DVD]. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly depending on your point of view, I have been asked if I would like to collaborate on their next production. It’s going to be set in space . . . well I suppose it will make an interesting setting for Puss in Boots . . . and the costume department will get merry with the kitchen foil . . . and they’re going to need a Puss . . .
Anyhow, that’s how I started 2008. I will end the year by making prawn cocktails for a party. I already have a poor record with tails . . . but I am at a loss; my friend has challenged me to make some party food, and silly me took up the challenge. He knows I’m rubbish in the kitchen. He knows that I’m capable of burning an egg. So how do you skin a prawn? And what do you do once they’re skinned? I know that prawns are pink and I know that a prawn cocktail is a collection of prawns covered in pink mayo and decorated with bits of lettuce. To hell with it; I will deliver a Scarlet special instead:- Mashed fish fingers with tartare sauce – and if I throw in some ketchup nobody will be any the wiser will they?
Or maybe I could peel some scampi . . .
I started with a cock-up . . . and, as they say, start as you mean to go on . . .

I will be preparing for the party tomorrow, so won't be around much . . . so I'd just like to say . . .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

34 comments:

Ginro said...

I'd like to see that DVD, or at least the bit with you in it, lol.

And a Happy New Year to you too.

scarlet-blue said...

Ginro: No you wouldn't! I haven't even seen it. Car crash TV!
Sx

CyberPete said...

Happy New Year Scarlet!

That DVD would be fun to watch I'm sure.

You need a great cookbook - I got one from my mother which is how I came to know how to cook the most bizarre dishes. The cookbook is from before I was born but with added microwave stuff but the language is the same. It's priceless.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: I also have a pre-war cookbook - nothing on prawn cocktails, but it does tell me how to stuff a squirrel.
Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

You sound perfect for the role of a space-kitten, Miss Scarlet, bouncing up and down in a low gravity setting. As for party food, I suggest you give everyone gobstoppers to stop them teasing you.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Bananas: Yes, I would make a good spaced out, free-floating Puss... and I will use gob-tails as a base for my cock-stoppers... or something like that....
Sx

:: Wendy :: said...

prawn balls?
Happy new year :-)

Clyde said...

Ok, come on----Australia is a land of prawns----
Now if you can get them cooked and frozen---fine
Geez, you're the bloody girl---this isn't right----but I dont want you to fuck up---oops----bloody fould mouthed Australians.
So if you have got them cooked and frozen---defrost them----rip their heads off----now peel them----so down the back of them is a black tube----separate the flesh with a knife and take out that tube---hey, if you dont, they wont notice-----you have left the tail on for them to pick up in their fingers---
Seafood sauce---easy----just a ceamy mayo with a bit of tomato sauce and chili sauce for taste---or ----icecream melted, tomato sauce, chili sauce, and a touch of worchster sauce----
Fuck, I'm Jamie fucking Oliver---oops.
Have a great New Year----oh---by the way---great with champagne---and if you haven't got any, I'll be on the beach at midnight with a spare glass

BEAST said...

Mission accomplished in fine Miss Scarlet style.Well Done
Happy New Year to you , may your prawns be forever succulent :-)

Dave said...

I'm sure I've seen that panto on YouTube.

A very happy new year to you, whatever it may bring.

CyberPete said...

Bless!

Is that a euphemism?

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Is it a 70's night? A little cayenne pepper sprinkled on your PCs is a nice touch, and a slice of lemon hooked on the side of the glass. I do hope you've got Black Forest Gateau for pudding.

A very very happy New Year to you Scarlet, and more of the same in 2009.

EmmaK said...

To avoid a terrible food poisoning accident and the deaths of several of your closest friends I think the best place for you is 'party foods' in the Marks and Spencers food aisle. Happy New Year!!

KAZ said...

Happy New Year Scarlet.
Just buy a packet of prawn cocktail crisps.

Eryl Shields said...

The Panto sounds splendid. As for the party food, how about a huge pile of prawn crackers?

savannah said...

i'm with emma on this one, sugar. go to a market and buy something! xoxox

happy new year!

Kate Lord Brown said...

I'm with the girls - let St Michael handle the prawns while you take a long bubble bath.

Please say the kangaroo is on Youtube. Happy New Year Scarlet - xxx

scarlet-blue said...

Wendy: Yes! Good idea! I will try rolling some balls...

Clyde: Pity you're so far away, you would have come in handy... maybe I'll be all sauce and no prawn... I think I can manage the sauce...

Mr Beastie: And I am impressed with your knobs.
Now where can I find some succulent prawns...

Dave: Rest assured, you have not seen this video on Youtube... I will pay you not to see this video on Youtube...

Pete: Cross my heart, I have a pre-war cookbook that tells me how to stuff a squirrel... and how to make a gallon of sloe gin...

Daphne: Maybe I'll be let off the prawn cocktails if I take along a Black Forest Gateau!
And a very Happy New Year to you too!

Emma: Wise words indeed... nobody will know if I don't make it myself, will they?

Kaz: Yes! Another brilliant idea! Prawn cocktail crisps would make a nice topping instead of the bits of soggy lettuce!

Eryl: And prawn crackers!... I'll take a bottle of bubbly as well... nobody will notice anything amiss...

Savannah: Emma wins the vote and M&S saves the day... and quite possibly a few lives...

Kate: Erm... I hope it isn't!!!! But you never know... If I ever find it then I think I might be very quiet about it and extremely red faced!

Happy New Year to Everybody!
Sx

Autolycus said...

I don't know much from parties, but there's this awfully bubbly gel on the TV that speaks very highly of something called a prawn ring. Might that be a help at a party?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Auty: Many thanks, I will investigate and report back my findings...
Sx

CyberPete said...

You do need a galleon of sloe gin if you have to actually stuff a squirrel.

I was shocked to find a recipe on how to make pigs feet in jelly in my cook book.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I thought sloe gin only came in gallons. As indeed...

Happy New Year, ginge!

xl said...

Serving suggestion: kangaroo tail soup!

Best wishes in the New Year.

Donn Coppens said...

Knock 'em dead kiddo!
Have FUN!
See you post-hangover...
XX OO

Practically Joe said...

Imagine recreating your role as the Kangaroo character and sending him into space.
With zero gravity, that kangaroo would surely be one great hopper.
Happy New Year!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Happy new year, Scarlet, I hope you will be rewarded hansomely during 2009 for your positive vibes and cheery personality!

Ginro said...

And a Happy New Year to you again Miss Scarlet, and many more of them!

What's with the sprinkling cayenne pepper on the PC advice from Daphne about? I just tried it and have had to spend sometime trying to get my keyboard to work again.

Dave said...

Do enjoy tonight, and don't do anything you can't imagine me doing.

MJ said...

Happy New Year, Miss Scarlet!

I'm glad we found each other in 08.

Dave said...

Wake up!! The new year's being wasted by people who couldn't sleep. We're all on tenterhooks, waiting for a new blog-post from our favourite inflatable plaything.

Frobisher said...

Happy New Year Scarlet!

apparently we were nearby this NYE?

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: I'm feeling delicate... let's not talk about this now...

Kev: Enough of the Ginge!!!

XL: I feel icky... no kangaroo soup for me....

Mr Coppens: I have a hang-over... hopefully I will feel better tomorrow...

Joe: I feel like I have two lead feet and a lead head at the minute.

Gadj: I think I'm giving out alcohol vibes right now, but thank-you!

Ginro: I know, I had the same problem...

Dave: Dave, my sweet, I have returned... but not really quite on form yet...

MJ: I'm glad we found each other too! Thanks for the laughs. And the stinky duvet!

Frobi: Indeed! We were within spitting distance - literally! I very nearly popped in!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!

SXXXX

Glamourpuss said...

You need a Puss? I am available for weddings, barmitzvahs and village pantos - I'll even bring my own pole. And my rates are very reasonable.

Puss

scarlet-blue said...

Puss: You would be far too good for our motley crew!!! But I will keep it in mind!
Sx