Friday, 12 December 2008

The Fabric of Life part 2


Make Someone Happy with Bold 2 in 1




Yes, Wayne and Carol are still together but there have been several significant changes to their lifestyle. Despite his best efforts, Wayne couldn’t rid himself of sniffy Carol, his short-term shag, and she is now a permanent fixture in his life. Seven years on and two kids later and Wayne is no longer a Wigan billionaire. The credit crunch has hit him hard in the wallet. Gone is the fancy penthouse apartment; gone is the carefree laundry service; gone are the nights spent in ‘Sandy’s Plaice’ [now Cash-Converters], breathing in the heady ambiance of Tuna bake sandwiches, Scampi fritters and crab-sticks; gone are the shared Armani shirts and the Rolex watches. Gone is Carol’s catwalk prancing. To cut a long paragraph short: he’s lost everything. Carol’s expensive ‘habit’ has spun him dry.
Here we see Carol, in the final stages of washing detergent addiction, reclining on the sofa with a broken leg [she slipped on a lotus leaf]. Her family are doing their best to rally round; the children bring her flowers: she turns her nose up. They are not lime zest fresh. The children bring her chocolates: they scoff them all before Carol gets a look in. No, Carol wants one thing and one thing only; she wants a snort of Bold 2in1. Her addiction is now clearly out of control, she’s on twelve liquitabs a day and likes to top up on softener. And sadly it looks as though Wayne has also fallen foul of the same luxury scented addiction. We see him alone in the kitchen sticking his head in the spin drier and sniffing on his duvet before fluffing it up for Carol. Poor Wayne; he is on a slippery slope to laundry hell… He’s desperate for a pure sensory experience, so he’s hit the hard stuff, the ultra white brightening stuff; yes he’s concealing a stash of White Diamond Infusions.

Oh how I long for the good old days when couples in commercials used to shake coffee beans at one another whenever they were feeling a bit frisky or wanted to get high . . .

45 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

Your deconstruction of this ad is incisive and insightful and should be made available to schools for their "Just Say No" campaigns.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking my coffee when I read it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Blanket-sniffing is the new thing, Miss Scarlet. It doesn't get you high, but it makes you sneeze it you do it enough. It's the modern version of snuff.

Dave said...

I'm going to have to disconnect my TV. Clearly it's just full of sex drugs and violence.

I'll stick with the internet, which I understand is as pure as the driven snow.

scarlet-blue said...

Fairy: I know.. it is a classic demonstration of what can happen if you over-indulge in fragrant substances...

Mr GB: It also causes bobbling, which is hideous. And all the extra fluff buggers up the Dyson...

Dave: Once upon a time we expected washing powder to wash our clothes, now we want it to deliver a sensory overload... which, quite frankly, causes more washing...

Sx

Glamourpuss said...

Am I the only one nostalgic for the days when washing powder was just washing poweder and none of this 'luxury' perfume nonsense had ever been thought up by R&D numpties?

Puss

PI said...

I like the way the little girl bites her lip - a budding actress if ever I
saw one.
Personally I think all these smelly additions all over the place have much to do with the increased rate of asthma in children nowadays.
Inhale at your peril.

Dave said...

'a budding actress'. Oh, are they a real family?

I had assumed they were all actors.

Kate Lord Brown said...

Clearly actors - Wayne knows how to operate a washing machine ;)

scarlet-blue said...

Puss: I know.. they try any angle to get us to buy stuff, don't they?! Luxury washing powder indeed... What next? Gucci washing up liquid? Deary me...

Pat: Quite right Pat... and it makes my skin itch... I'm sensitive.

Dave: Wayne and Carol are real in my head. Which is rather worrying...

Kate: Ha! Yes.. too true!

Sx

CyberPete said...

Poor Wayne.

All he wanted was a clean shirt and a shag and next you know she's moved in, stolen his Armani shirts and has him hooked on the white powder.

How sad, and this close to Christmas. Will they manage, and how?

BEAST said...

A cautionary tale indeed Miss Scarlet , do you think this is why Miss MJ is so desperate to get a sniff of my duvet ???
Poor wayne has gone to seed a bit I wonder if he will be laying out lines of Surf later to get carol in the mood

BEAST said...

Kate , if your daft enough to fall for the 'I don't know how to use a washing machine' line , you deserve to do all the washing yourself :-)

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: I know.. and what's to become of the children..? Social services will be descending shortly...

Beastie: Ah.. MJ likes doing the laundry... this is why she wants your stinky duvet... it's all beginning to make sense...

if your daft enough to fall for the 'I don't know how to use a washing machine' line , you deserve to do all the washing yourself

Yeah but this is double bluff speak isn't it Beastie... we know...
I've had several washing machines injured by men...

Sx

MJ said...

You have missed the whole point.

They are trying to wash the stench out of Beast's stinky duvet!

scarlet-blue said...

MJ: Yeah... I kind of figured that after I'd posted...
Sx

CyberPete said...

Good for the kids, I mean how can they grow up in a home like that.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Why is it that women called Carol are always bad news? I once knew a woman called Carol; she was nice, pretty, and intelligent, and yet very very dissatisfied. And Alan Partridge's wife was called Carol, as I recall.

savannah said...

i'm glad i mute commercials or channel check, sugar...i wouldn't use a scented laundry product anyway.

Dave said...

Hope the wind doesn't bring down your TV aerial. Would hate to miss your insightful reviews.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: The kids will be taken into care and taught how to wash their clothes in a mountain stream [probably in Wales somewhere] and they will learn the ancient method of drying [slapping wet clothes on nearby rocks], it's for the best...

Gadj: It's because the name 'Carol' has hard sounding syllables. That's my excuse...

Savannah: I mute too! And look what's become of me... It's a slippery slope..

Dave: It's dreadful out there today! I'm going to stay in... I have laundry to do...

Sx

Dave said...

Do hold your breath when taking the washing out of the machine. Wouldn't want you to get over-excited.

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: I'm trying to wash out the messy bits.. not add more...
Sx

KAZ said...

For some reason I couldn't get the video to work. However the word verification was incoment.
I suppose that's a bit better than nocoment.

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: *Ack* [as Savannah would say] it's a crappy video link but this ad is not entertaining enough to be on Youtube.
And I think I can work a whole new post from the comments in this box so WV does have a point... damn him...
Sx

CyberPete said...

Exactly, just like they did in biblical times.

I wonder if they'll be sending the kids to their new families by sending them floating down the stream in laundry baskets.

Eryl Shields said...

I wonder if my neighbour is a budding Carol, when she hangs out her laundry I have to close the windows against the 'fragrance.'

Kevin Musgrove said...

I miss the days when MacDonald Hobley would hang around the entrances to supermarkets asking people if they'd like to swap theirs for his.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Yes, with lots of froth and bubbles... and possibly the ironing board...

Eryl: I've noticed this as well!! Sometimes my garden smells unnaturally fragrant! It's not right is it?

Kev: MacDonald Hobley was also the first host of Come Dancing! Yey, it's on tonight - Argentine Tango time!

Sx

CyberPete said...

Now that would be worth watching! The oldest could surf on that ironing board

Kevin Musgrove said...

Just like this?

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: have you seen Kev's extreme ironing clip?? This is how our family would look.

Kev: This is exactly what I was seeing! You read my mind.

Sx

CyberPete said...

Exactly!

Kate Lord Brown said...

ooh Beastie, daft? Nooo - as Miss Scarlet suspects it's a double bluff. The old cliches are the best. He pretends not to know how to do the washing, I pretend not to know how to rotate tyres. Vive la petite difference.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Looks fun doesn't it?!

Kate: It's a bit of a 'I know that he knows that I know that he knows..' situation really...? And now I've confused myself...

Sx

Donn Coppens said...

I still firmly believe that one should not air out one's dirty laundry in public..
especially when there are plenty of other perfectfully awful people to chatter about at the next chinwag.

I am so impressed that you can discern so much from adverts...
I used to write and produce them, even been in a few, but I had no idea that some people actually scrutinized them like you do.

What's wrong with you? Why do you still have an attention span that can track 28.7 seconds of information?

Dave said...

You may not believe this, but as I type my washing machine is rumbling away. I don't think, though, that I shall put my clean laundry on the washing line today. Not if I want it dry by tonight, anyway.

My Sainsbury's liquid gel, contains, so it says, 'less than 5% perfume'.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Coppens: I think I might need help... Ah, these commercial characters are never as perfect as they appear... I try to expose their true motivation...

Dave: I use Fairy sensitive. Too much scented stuff brings me out in a nasty rash.

Sx

Dave said...

That's one excuse for a nasty rash, anyway.

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet , The dreaded Mr C has a thing about fabric softner , we spend hours in the supermarket sniffing and comparing....is there a support group 'Comfort anon' prehaps ???

CyberPete said...

It looks like something I would do after way too many martinis

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: I have a stack of excuses for all sorts of minor ailments...

Beastie: We should set 'Comfort Anon' up immediately... there is obviously a demand. Poor Mr C... but it explains a lot doesn't it?

Pete: Never ever touch an ironing board after too many Martinis. I know it's tempting.. Remember: ironing boards are related to deck chairs... they bite.

Sx

CyberPete said...

Oh don't remind me about deck chairs.

Too many margaritas and it turns into a death trap.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: We should be reclining on sun loungers and sipping champagne... or glugging champagne... What's your idea of the perfect holiday?
Sx

~Static~ said...

LOL what is the world comin' to?

Well, at least their snot can get rid of that ring around the collar.

scarlet-blue said...

Static: Where've you been?! Haven't seen you for ages... I thought you'd deserted me.
Snot is also good for glueing things.
Sx