Friday, 12 December 2008
The Fabric of Life part 2
Yes, Wayne and Carol are still together but there have been several significant changes to their lifestyle. Despite his best efforts, Wayne couldn’t rid himself of sniffy Carol, his short-term shag, and she is now a permanent fixture in his life. Seven years on and two kids later and Wayne is no longer a Wigan billionaire. The credit crunch has hit him hard in the wallet. Gone is the fancy penthouse apartment; gone is the carefree laundry service; gone are the nights spent in ‘Sandy’s Plaice’ [now Cash-Converters], breathing in the heady ambiance of Tuna bake sandwiches, Scampi fritters and crab-sticks; gone are the shared Armani shirts and the Rolex watches. Gone is Carol’s catwalk prancing. To cut a long paragraph short: he’s lost everything. Carol’s expensive ‘habit’ has spun him dry.
Here we see Carol, in the final stages of washing detergent addiction, reclining on the sofa with a broken leg [she slipped on a lotus leaf]. Her family are doing their best to rally round; the children bring her flowers: she turns her nose up. They are not lime zest fresh. The children bring her chocolates: they scoff them all before Carol gets a look in. No, Carol wants one thing and one thing only; she wants a snort of Bold 2in1. Her addiction is now clearly out of control, she’s on twelve liquitabs a day and likes to top up on softener. And sadly it looks as though Wayne has also fallen foul of the same luxury scented addiction. We see him alone in the kitchen sticking his head in the spin drier and sniffing on his duvet before fluffing it up for Carol. Poor Wayne; he is on a slippery slope to laundry hell… He’s desperate for a pure sensory experience, so he’s hit the hard stuff, the ultra white brightening stuff; yes he’s concealing a stash of White Diamond Infusions.
Oh how I long for the good old days when couples in commercials used to shake coffee beans at one another whenever they were feeling a bit frisky or wanted to get high . . .