Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Knobs and Knockers and a flash of Beaver . . .

My back door is being fitted tomorrow so I will be indisposed. This entrance area has been causing problems for some time now, [causing a bit of a draught] and now a very nice carpenter friend is finally coming to sort me out. He asked me earlier today whether I would like a handle or a ribbed knob. He recomended ribbed so that if my hands are slippery I'll still be able to get a good grip.
Anyhow he is a friendly cheerful chap who seems to know what he's doing and he enjoys dunking gingernuts. When he has finished in the back passage he has promised to work on my front door; he's going to stop it from sticking and he's going to polish my knockers.
Meanwhile, I am helping out with a project to reintroduce beavers into the English countryside. I heard about it on Jeremy Vine radio show yesterday afternoon and it caught my imagination . . .
Here is a short film clip to inform . . .

38 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

How hospitable are you to visiting workmen, Miss Scarlet. I hope you'll take good care of Mr Beaver as well in his unfamiliar surroundings.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr GB: I have an open door policy... probably why I've got such a flipping draught...
Beavers running free.. can you just imagine Mr Bananas?
Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Gingernuts Ms Scarlet - be careful! We have a nice beaver. (I gave the pilot a lovely old print last Xmas and put a fake mount on it 'Nice. 1730' She hangs in the downstairs loo).

Dave said...

*wanders off for a cold shower*

Autolycus said...

Will he be fitting a rim lock to your back door?

Good heavens. Word verification = doend. I swear I had nothing to do with it.

MJ said...

The beaver is Canada's national symbol!

scarlet-blue said...

Kate: Probably the best place to hang a beaver.
I will be careful with his gingernuts... never you fear...

Dave: Well you will need a good rub down after that Mr Dave...

Mr Auty: Funny you should mention it... he did say something about mounting a rim...

MJ: Canadians are on to something... and we are catching up...

Sx

Jade of the Jungle said...

"The beaver was hunted almost to extinction for its fur and the pain-relieving properties of its anal gland secretions."

Good lord. You learn something new every day.

Hope it's not too draughty!
x

scarlet-blue said...

Jade: It seems we are all hunted for the effect of our secretions...
Sx

Gadjo Dilo said...

The Canadians (Leslie Nielsen is a Canadian, isn't he? And Mike Myers is) just love all that Carry On stuff!

CyberPete said...

Wouldn't it be more kosher if he started at the front and worked his way to the back entrance?

I love those Naked Gun movies. Leslie Nielsen and the Zucker Brothers are brilliant.

BEAST said...

Pass the gingernuts Miss MJ!
We will just talk amongst ourselves while your hard at it with the workman.
I too am a champion of the beaver Miss Scarlet , I wonder if they enjoy being stroked ??

scarlet-blue said...

Gadj: Certainly a bit of a carry on round here this morning...
Infamy, infamy.. they've all got it infamy..

Pete: I'm not fussy really, just so long as he starts somewhere...

Mr Beastie: I'm sure a bit of heavy petting would smooth beaver relations.

Sx

KAZ said...

Hey Scarlet - I just heard you are to be awarded a special award for the most double entendres in one post.
Congratulations daaahling..
And thankyou for telling us about the 'pain-relieving properties of the beaver's anal gland secretions'.

The Dotterel said...

Sid James eat yer heart out! (And Benny Hill, Ronnie Barker, Kenny Williams et al - that was worthy of them all!)

Dave said...

Were there any double entendres in this post? He asks innocently.

Autolycus said...

Ask nicely, Dave , and I'm sure someone will give you one.

savannah said...

well done, sugar! xoxoxo

*off to clean up the remains of my morning coffee and change my t-shirt*

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: Why thank you, I couldn't have squeezed much more in...

Mr Dotts: I bet you can guess the type of thing I used to watch on TV. It can leave lasting damage...

Dave: I think it's me who's innocent, I was only talking about hardwood...

Mr Auty: It's catchy isn't it?! Well it is Pantomime season.

Savannah: Goodness me, what have you been doing and should I be involved?

Sx

Donn Coppens said...

My Word!
All of this cleverly disguised inyerendoh! has given me a funny feeling in my swimsuit area?

I had better change the subject...Hmm, did you know that le Castor Canadienne is second largest in the world and can come in at £55? Sounds a tad pricey for a nocturnal, semi-aquatic, trip to the lodge...
mind you one would expect to witness a vigorous gnawing of the wood and experience a loud audible "slap" of the tail?

Oops wrong pounds..my bad.

having my cake said...

Very entertaining :)

And my word verification is

aginger

Only the best for dunking :)

EmmaK said...

crikey, good luck with reintroducing all those beavers. I just read that the beaver was hunted almost to extinction for its fur and the pain-relieving properties of its anal gland secretions....
makes even shelf stacking seem fun compared to the job of anal gland remover, eh?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Coppens: I'm a bit pished, so please excuse me... yep, what was I saying... that's it... it's very hard these days to find a big beaver under £100. Especially if you want extras like slapping.

Ms Cakes: WV is after me I swear. He is the bain of my life. aginger indeed...

Emma: Anal glands smell something rotten. I dread to think what they put in our pain killers... and our cosmetics... I know they use urine in face cream. Goodness me.

Apologies I have been celebrating my back door, it swings and it opens. What more could a girl possibly want?

Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Hmmm. You only started this beaver schtick after I introduced my sheared beaver in my last post, so I have to claim mentorship. I am completely pissed btw. Just in from Sunninghill, gorgeous pub, Latvian landlord FFS!
Anyhoo, Auty, I am appalled. You have dropped me and picked up Scarls instead. And why? I am far more intelligent, cultured, soignee, moneyed. Come back to me and douse yourself in my dissolution.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Aside from the Castor and Pollox, it's good to hear that you're not spending these winter nights worrying about the wind howling through your back passage. It'll probably save you a lifetime of damp carpets, too.

Dave said...

I trust we'll all get an invitation to open your back door, now it's so free and easy.

scarlet-blue said...

Mrs P: You are quite right Mrs P, I picked up the beaver and ran with it.... Now I have mucky fingers...
I think I was asking to be picked up and Auty was inclined to sweep me off my feet... he is insatiable Mrs P, but I will send he over to yours for a proper bit of culture... I know that I am merely a stop-gap in your absence. A bit of gum instead of a boiled sweet.

Kev: Too right Kev! Damp carpets are a no no; I want to feel the burns.

Dave: Are you looking through my keyhole?

Sx

CyberPete said...

You are right, and then gives it a good working over.

We want it warm and toasty for the holidays.

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Holidays should always be hot.. and draught free...
Sx

mutleythedog said...

Would you welcome a door to door lamp salesman with such aplomb? Aladdins mum did and look what happened to her...

Dave said...

Yes. It's bloomin; draughty. Please let me in.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

How uncanny, I have just had my second back door put in! It was a tough job, the boys (a nice Macedonian and a scowly Pole) had to go and get a big hammer drill and were banging away all day. I thought the vibrations were going to dislodge my knick-knacks.

CyberPete said...

Absolutely it's all about the drinks and food.

Good bread, good meat, good god, let's eat!

WV: divan

PS. Will email you later, I've got a lot of stuff to take care of tonight. Sorry.

scarlet-blue said...

Mutts: As long as he didn't rub me up the wrong way [practically impossible], I'm sure he would be most welcome.

Dave: At the moment you have the look of a peeping Tom - it's most disconcerting. I shall consider your request if you go and put some clothes on.

Daphne: A second back door - now there's a thought!
You will be pleased to hear that my new door is a tight fit. I am draught free and thoroughly satisfied and I'm sweeping up the knick-knacks....

Pete: I'm sure you have competition prizes to take care of! Don't you worry, and I will look forward to your missive.
WV is being a sod again...

Sx

:: Wendy :: said...

No Beavers in my part of Reading town, the locals are happy enough with the wild life - lots of squirrels and great tits.

scarlet-blue said...

Wendy: Oh, I have great tits too!
Sx

Clyde said...

So does this new entrance include a little doggy door ?
Hmmm----do they shave the beavers to get better access to the anal glands ?

scarlet-blue said...

Clyde: I think the beavers have a special Brazillian wax...
And I have a cat flap....
Sx