Tuesday, 30 December 2008

A Cock-Up

I started the year as a kangaroo, and all was going well until my tail dropped off. Perhaps I should explain myself. I co-wrote a village Pantomime that was set in Australia and I the only way I could have a kangaroo in the script was if I volunteered myself for the part. So I did. I had no lines, but I had to jump around a lot; I am very bouncy, and I managed to have a costume malfunction, which caused much hilarity [and it’s on DVD]. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly depending on your point of view, I have been asked if I would like to collaborate on their next production. It’s going to be set in space . . . well I suppose it will make an interesting setting for Puss in Boots . . . and the costume department will get merry with the kitchen foil . . . and they’re going to need a Puss . . .
Anyhow, that’s how I started 2008. I will end the year by making prawn cocktails for a party. I already have a poor record with tails . . . but I am at a loss; my friend has challenged me to make some party food, and silly me took up the challenge. He knows I’m rubbish in the kitchen. He knows that I’m capable of burning an egg. So how do you skin a prawn? And what do you do once they’re skinned? I know that prawns are pink and I know that a prawn cocktail is a collection of prawns covered in pink mayo and decorated with bits of lettuce. To hell with it; I will deliver a Scarlet special instead:- Mashed fish fingers with tartare sauce – and if I throw in some ketchup nobody will be any the wiser will they?
Or maybe I could peel some scampi . . .
I started with a cock-up . . . and, as they say, start as you mean to go on . . .

I will be preparing for the party tomorrow, so won't be around much . . . so I'd just like to say . . .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Monday, 29 December 2008

Jukebox Madness

I've been left to my own devices this morning and I couldn't make up my mind what to play. I was going to go with Squeeze and 'Up The Junction', but then I was swayed by a few Madness tunes. It's been a bit of a mad year after all . . . Anyhow, I'm fed up with being embarrassed, with people being mad at me, and quite frankly baggy trousers aren't a good look on me . . . so I chose these three tunes instead . . .







I have a blinding headache, so I'm off to suck on a metlet . . . or perhaps even a meltlet . . . it's going to be one of those days . . .

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Everything Must Go . . .

What shall we do between now and New Year? I know, why not spend some more money . . .
Some retailers are slashing prices by up to 70%. I kind of get the feeling that this is not a sign of a thriving economy, but a sign of desperation. I never go to the sales; I don't like being crushed and it's never good to look desperate . . . or crushed and crumpled . . .
My mantra for the coming New Year is to make do and mend.
Chin up, tits out . . . we will survive!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Happy Christmas!!!



Have a very Happy Christmas! And many thanks to all who've popped by to say hello since I started this little venture in June.
Tomorrow I will be mainly eating, drinking, playing chocolate monopoly, flashing my knickers at Santa and relieving him of his sack....
Hope you all have a good one!

Scarlet xxx

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Christmas Jukebox Monday

I think it's Christmas... HAPPY CHRISTMAS!



Thank you Kate for putting me on to this one....



...and thank you Mr Beastie for assistance with these two...



Saturday, 20 December 2008

Something for the weekend...

Stuck for present ideas? Left everything to the last minute again? Are your relatives arriving in just under an hour, but you still have a pile of washing up in the sink and a stinky duvet on the bed? Has the cat eaten the Christmas tree? Have you lost your baubles?
Well never mind... let's all have a look at this lovely chap instead...

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Perfect Day

Lizzie has reminded me of this video.



Think of this as the calm before the storm. This time next week will be Christmas Day, often not so perfect! I've had some real rotters.
Anyhow, if anyone can think of a way to make me feel more festive . . . well, suggestions are welcome . . .

*UPDATE* A suggestion from Dave . . .

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Knobs and Knockers and a flash of Beaver . . .

My back door is being fitted tomorrow so I will be indisposed. This entrance area has been causing problems for some time now, [causing a bit of a draught] and now a very nice carpenter friend is finally coming to sort me out. He asked me earlier today whether I would like a handle or a ribbed knob. He recomended ribbed so that if my hands are slippery I'll still be able to get a good grip.
Anyhow he is a friendly cheerful chap who seems to know what he's doing and he enjoys dunking gingernuts. When he has finished in the back passage he has promised to work on my front door; he's going to stop it from sticking and he's going to polish my knockers.
Meanwhile, I am helping out with a project to reintroduce beavers into the English countryside. I heard about it on Jeremy Vine radio show yesterday afternoon and it caught my imagination . . .
Here is a short film clip to inform . . .

Monday, 15 December 2008

Jukebox Monday

It's been one of those days and blogger is throwing a wobbler on me... and won't allow comments on my fab jukebox . . . I'm too tired to sort it out so I'm just going to flounce out the door in a huff of scarlet . . . and a puff of smoke . . .

Sx

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Jukebox Monday

I've just realised that Jukebox Monday has a natural theme . . .



This is a bit of a cheat . . . but Pete will like it. I will play the original in a few weeks time.



And for everybody who's sick of Mondays . . . I used to be a Boomtown Rat fan; good excuse to stay in my pyjamas . . . For those who want to see the original video, click here.



Next week will be a Christmas special . . . cos it's Christmas soon.

Friday, 12 December 2008

The Fabric of Life part 2


Make Someone Happy with Bold 2 in 1




Yes, Wayne and Carol are still together but there have been several significant changes to their lifestyle. Despite his best efforts, Wayne couldn’t rid himself of sniffy Carol, his short-term shag, and she is now a permanent fixture in his life. Seven years on and two kids later and Wayne is no longer a Wigan billionaire. The credit crunch has hit him hard in the wallet. Gone is the fancy penthouse apartment; gone is the carefree laundry service; gone are the nights spent in ‘Sandy’s Plaice’ [now Cash-Converters], breathing in the heady ambiance of Tuna bake sandwiches, Scampi fritters and crab-sticks; gone are the shared Armani shirts and the Rolex watches. Gone is Carol’s catwalk prancing. To cut a long paragraph short: he’s lost everything. Carol’s expensive ‘habit’ has spun him dry.
Here we see Carol, in the final stages of washing detergent addiction, reclining on the sofa with a broken leg [she slipped on a lotus leaf]. Her family are doing their best to rally round; the children bring her flowers: she turns her nose up. They are not lime zest fresh. The children bring her chocolates: they scoff them all before Carol gets a look in. No, Carol wants one thing and one thing only; she wants a snort of Bold 2in1. Her addiction is now clearly out of control, she’s on twelve liquitabs a day and likes to top up on softener. And sadly it looks as though Wayne has also fallen foul of the same luxury scented addiction. We see him alone in the kitchen sticking his head in the spin drier and sniffing on his duvet before fluffing it up for Carol. Poor Wayne; he is on a slippery slope to laundry hell… He’s desperate for a pure sensory experience, so he’s hit the hard stuff, the ultra white brightening stuff; yes he’s concealing a stash of White Diamond Infusions.

Oh how I long for the good old days when couples in commercials used to shake coffee beans at one another whenever they were feeling a bit frisky or wanted to get high . . .

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Oliver Postgate 12/04/1925 - 08/12/2008



I'm always dropping clangers...
Life is busy at the moment. I think it's something to do with trying to get everything done before Christmas. You'd have thought I'd be used to it by now. Anyhow I will be waffling on about adverts again very soon . . .

*Update* Oh sod it... I only have one fag left... how am I going to make it through the night? Anybody out there willing to drop off a packet of fags?? No I thought not. Sigh. I will cope.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Jukebox Monday

First up, for Mr Beastie, because we . . . erm love his Love Action [?] and also for Daphne because she's back! This video is possibly another lost episode of Eastenders . . .



Second up is for Mr Coppens to wish him a speedy recovery from his recent operation . . .



And finally this is for all those suffering from seasonal bugs . . .

Saturday, 6 December 2008

Bug

It's December 6th. It's cold in England; some parts have already had snow. Lots of people have been complaining about all the nasty bugs that are doing the rounds, well it's that time of year isn't it? It's what we expect. And now I am a victim of a nasty bug . . . it woke me up in the night and this is what the bugger looks like . . .




. . . I mean . . . what the hell is this creature doing in my bedroom? Perhaps I have the central heating turned up too high . . .

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Teeth

Apparently this is the first ever advert to be broadcast on British TV . . .



I haven't been to the dentist in ages and I should go really because I have a compacted wisdom tooth that needs pulling out. It's been pushing through for the last nine years now. There is a flap of skin over it . . . I can feel it with my finger and when I run my tongue over it. Definitely hard. I don't like bits getting stuck under the flap so I mouthwash everyday to keep it clean. And I brush for tingles.

I've recently found this dentist online, but I think he's more interested in wonky teeth and mine are quite straight. I don't think he can help me with my protrusion.
Anyhow, if you have wonky teeth . . . maybe he can help you.

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Aunt Bessie



This advert really really annoys me, simply because it rips off this . . .



I imagine this is how Beastie's kitchen is in the morning.