Sunday, 11 January 2009

A Fitting Tribute

I've been asked to write a fitting tribute... okay then.
She comes... she goes, she comes back... she goes again... hopefully this time she's back for good. Who am I talking about? Mrs P of course. Today's post is a moving tribute to Clara Pouncer who lives in a flat above Mr Wong's Wok Shop in Reading High Street, and don't let her tell you otherwise. She's also a bit brainy. One of my favourite interactions with Mrs P was on The Japing Ape, 10th November 2008 [Islandic Saga] and went as follows:-

Mrs P: Imps! I KNEW there was another species, just couldn't think of the name. You can still buy Imps (the anti-catarrh lozenges) and also Meloids, much beloved of amateur operatic societies. What you can't get, however, is Nigroids, which were much stronger. Do you remember their catchy slogan: Try Sucking a Nigroid? They disappeared sometime in the 1980s.
No sign of Thermogene these days, either. And the bottom seems to have dropped out of the liver salts market.


Scarlet-Blue: Nigroids had a laxative effect, so inadvisible to suck more than ten at a time.

Mrs P: Good heavens, I was wrong. Still available! See they've dropped the slogan, though. Pity. I wonder whether you can still get Quilly's? There was really nothing better.

Scarlet-Blue: ...As advertised by Sir Norman Tonsil and Mike Hunt, Mrs P? No, I don't think you can suck Quilly's any more.

Gadj: Ah, I seem to remember the late Sir Humphrey Lyttelton exorting us to suck Quillys, or was it a Fisherman's Friend. In this politically correct age, though, sucking a Nigroid would result in you getting an earful.

And now for a carefully selected selection of her favourite video clips....





And... erm... finally this one.... indeed...



And to continue in the spirit of all things Mrs P, please make all comments as random and as off-topic as possible...

*Don't know why I was asked to do the fitting tribute... I'm the only poor bugger she hasn't resumed following since she came back... wanders off muttering....

66 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Whatever you say about the French, they sure know how to speak French. Especially when doing those intense, meaningful voice-overs in their movies. I thought her name was Clarissa.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Bananas: Off-topic please!!!
No, she's definitely Clara.
Clara Winnifred Pouncer, in full.
Sx

Dave said...

The sun's shining. I'm just off to dig a trench in my garden.

BEAST said...

I wonder Miss Scarlet if Mrs P has an opinion on watermelon frangranced bottoms or the etiquette of underwear.
What does a double stitched gusset say about oneself answer me that !

Autolycus said...

Mr Wong's Wok Shop, eh? I'd imagine that quite a few taxi drivers might have left her all over the place,if she's tried saying that after a bevvy or two. Or does she have a label tied to her sable?

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Erm... I said off-topic... Mrs P is infamous for her trenches...

Mr Beastie: I think you'll find that Mrs P has an opinion on most things.
A double stitched gussett means that you like to feel secure in your pants. Don't we all...

Mr Auty: Definitely a label in her sable. A bit like Paddington Bear, in many ways...

Sx

Dave said...

Did I say trench? Sorry, I meant ditch.

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Either way, we're both digging holes for ourselves...
Sx

KAZ said...

'Back for Good'
Rather like Take That?

CyberPete said...

Those apples were pretty. Why can't you find apples like that at the shop?

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: I know! I've got that flipping song stuck in my head now, driving me nuts...

Pete: We shall go to France in Summer and we shall seek out the pretty apples...

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I'm off Topic, Snickers, Crunchie, Picnic and Curly-Wurly. And Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

Famulus said...

Scarls: Is she dead then?

Dave/Scarls: Hey, when it comes to Mrs P. I do the trench digging! Eh? Mrs P? Tell him, huh? I'm your trench man... Yeah?

And can we talk about Scooby Snacks here too? The link is for Mrs P. who seemed a little unclear as to what it referred.

Oh, and I'd rather be a fish...

librarylizzie said...

I could do with someting to suck...I've still got that flippin' laryngitis. 11 days..is that some kind of record?

CyberPete said...

Sounds like a plan.

While we do that we can marvel at the one performance where Amy Whinehouse was able to stand straight.

That's quite an accomplishment when you consider how much coke she had inhaled before going on.

WV Valet (I certainly need one)

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne: Not to mention Wagon Wheels and Whispa bars.
Thorntons Truffles, Twirls and Flakes...

Fammy: The trench digger himself!!!
Scooby Snacks and doggy treats...
Soggy snails and romantic Keats...

Lizzie: Laryngitis is a proper illness... unlike mythical manflu. Here, dunk some chocolate and eat plenty of ice cream... laryngitis is a good excuse for this type of behaviour.

Pete: But I can't quite make out all the lyrics. Nice saxophone though.
Bless her...

Sx

HoodChick said...

My parents have a french poodle. He was inherited from my grandparents who both passed. He is very old and coughs a lot. Can dogs suck Nigroids?

MJ said...

I wonder what Mrs P would think of BEAST's Lurex purple posing pouch?

scarlet-blue said...

Hoodchicky: I think dogs are prone to swallowing anything. They don't tend to suck though...

MJ: I think Mrs P will have an opinion on the posing pouch... but she'll probably say that the material is too restrictive... or too cheap... she'll probably match him with one in mink or sheared beaver.

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Beastie's posing pouch to be found HERE
Sx

CyberPete said...

That's typically Whinehouse isn't it?

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Did you ever see the pictures of her when she dyed her hair blonde? Wasn't good. I'm glad she changed back... and I wish she'd put on some weight.
Sx

eroswings said...

Ha! You're conversation about sucking reminded me of a *Lisa Lampanelli set.

*Don't click if at work! Mature language*

I'm kind of distracted by Amy Winehouse's beehive; though, at least it keeps me from wondering how many teeth she lost.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Swings: An innocent chat about throat lozenges! Goodness me!
You can stash all sorts in a beehive hairdo... this is probably why she has one.
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

So Mrs. P's dyed her hair black, put on some weight and the Beast is buying posing pouches for watermelons...

It's too damned quiet, something's brewing.

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: There is an eerie silence isn't there?
I'm out of chocolate now. Would you like a Quilly?
Sx

PI said...

Farewell tours were all the rage at one time. I wonder who did the most?
In case you're interested the WV is falsie - as in stiff bras. Do they still call them that?

xl said...

I tried computer-generated random numbers on the lotto. I hope that is helpful.

Donn Coppens said...

Heart, be still.
Mrs Pouncer completes me.
She crams these words into mine ears against the stomach of my sense. The cyber-age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety.

But to my mind, though I am Colonial here,
and her to the manner born,
it is her custom to grant me an audience fair?
More honoured to taste but a shadow of her illumination in the comment section and observe her graciousness to all.

What a piece of work is this woman!
How noble in reason!
How infinite in faculty!
...in form and blogging how express and admirable!
in action how like an angel!
in declarative composition how like a god!

She pretty much had me from Hello.

CyberPete said...

The last photo I saw of her she'd put on a few and walked around topless on a beach scratching her cooter

Gadjo Dilo said...

Following a couple of the themes here: Double Deckers, Boosts and Milk Tray - confectionaries or bras?

Viva la Pouncerella!

Practically Joe said...

I was asked this earlier but just figured out the answer.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight-year olds?
Because there are twenty of them.

Dave said...

It's raining here today, which will stop me finishing my ditches (they only need one more day to be complete, I believe). Now the finished bits will be full of water and I'll be sloshing around in mud when I try to finish them.

There are no intentional double entendres in the above.

Mrs Pouncer said...

My dear Scarlet, I am in the midst of a composition of gratitude which I hope to publish on your own dear page by sunset. Do forgive tardy response, but I have been attempting to turn back time this weekend with a packed programme of calisthenics, twice-nightly injections and swallowing quarts of rare serums. I do hope it will be worth it.

scarlet-blue said...

Pat: No more farewell tours!!!
...I think chicken fillets are now used instead of falsies. Whatever happened to socks and toilet paper?

Mr XL: Very helpful. Try 16,18,33,31,40,42.

Mr Coppens: How many times? Clara is not to the manor born. She lives in a cramped flat littered with chocolate orange wrappers and betting slips, above Mr Wong's Wok-shop in Reading High Street. Goodness me...

Pete: Well even Mrs P needs to get to the beach sometimes... it's just plain wrong that the paperazzi keep hounding her this way though. Psst... she won't be happy if you broadcast that she's put on weight... I know, the chocolate oranges... they stick to the hips...

Gadj: Soft centred truffles and a nibble of angel cake...?

Joe: Ick. What would he do with 37yr olds? Ick.

Dave: Blimey, it's like the Battle of the Somme at your place... I dread to ask... but why Dave... WHY?????? What is all this digging about... what the hell are you doing to your garden? Are you building some kind of tunnel system to compete with the Euro-tunnel or something???? I am beginning to worry.

Mrs P: And about time to! Well Mrs P, nothing is better for you than push ups, push downs, presses and pumps. And I know about these things. Fancy a Quilly whilst you're here?

Sx

Dave said...

If you'd been reading my blog carefully, you would recall that the vegetable plot, in front of my greenhouse, is very wet clay, which I have previously compared to the Somme.

I am simultaneously turning that area into a raised bed (which will hopefully not be so wet, so that I can plant fruits and vegetables) and also digging a ditch around it and my greenhouse (the soil from which is going on the raised bed) to drain the area.

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Ah yes, I remember now. But I am suspicious that this is all a ruse for something else and is indeed a cover story for a much bigger project...
Sx

Dave said...

Don't blow my cover.

As the bishop said to the actress...

Famulus said...

Dave: Why are you putting covers on your trenches? The water will get in anyway you know and it will make it harder to crawl around in. I leave all mine open.

Scarls/Pat: I still use socks. Chicken fillets just don't hang right.

Autolycus said...

I've just had a thought: whatever happened to Mr Pouncer, or is he Not To Be Spoken Of?

WV: Irodym - waning sense of humour (alternatively, a patent tonic consisting of extract of malt with some spinach and bicarb of soda to give it a fizz)

Mrs Pouncer said...

Careful, Scarlet.

Donn Coppens said...

Oh Dear.
I specifically mentioned manner as in attitudinal function..not Manor as in uppity posh. I might look like a sycophantic idiot making such a fuss over her but I've only met a handful of Bloggers in her league. She's a living/breathing Rosetta Stone and sort of a big deal in my books.

I have no doubt that her living in a cramped flat littered with chocolate orange wrappers and betting slips, above Mr Wong's Wok-shop in Reading High Street might be her cover as an MI5 operative?

She fine. Hulk like.

scarlet-blue said...

See this is what happens when you put a trollope like me in control of a runaway train...

Dave gives me a ticking off for not remembering his trenches and then asks me to blow on his covers... Fammy then turns up wanting to hang chickens... why? Random comments I said, not murderous thoughts... Mr Auty comes along and casts aspersions on my sense of humour... goodness me... am I not always in good humour?
Mr Coppens takes offence at my facetiousness AND Mrs P, I am always careful... I have not once caught a venereal desease...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Roll on Jukebox Monday...
Sx

Dave said...

Sorry, did that look like a ticking-off? It wasn't meant to be. Perhaps I'm just a little moody because I can't be out enjoying myself in the mud.

Oh gosh, I almost can't post this comment - I've just seen the wv. I don't normally mention them, but this one is 'sperm'. Of what is Mr Blogger thinking? Doesn't he know that ladies read these blogs?

scarlet-blue said...

WV is the bain of my life Dave... I think today is a tetchy day.
...I was going to continue...
...nor have I ever fallen off the roof of my house or frolicked in the surf with a man half my age... but there is still time...sigh....
Sx

Gyppo Byard said...

"What kind of fuckery is this?"

How many kinds are there? I asked in my local bookshop for 'The I-Spy Book of Fuckery', and they've banned me. Thanks a bunch.

Wordver: omiran - a Black Country word which implies quicker movement towards one's house than 'omiwalked'.

Dave said...

Why would you want to frolic in the surf with a child?

CyberPete said...

I know it only too well.

scarlet-blue said...

Gyppo: 'omiwalked' - not to be confused with 'omigawd', a popular estuary word used hereabouts.
I have the I-spy book of leaf identification if you're interested. But it won't get you banned from anywhere.

Dave: Well clearly Dave it would be an arrestible offence... I have plenty of time.. [sob]

Pete: Post Christmas bulges? It's that time of year... I busted the zip on my favourite jeans. It wasn't me of course, the zip had always been faulty... who needs a zip anyway....

Sx

Donn Coppens said...

oh piffle!

Me end comment like Hulk.
Me know you foolin' around.
You always make Hulk happy-laugh.
Hulk love your face and your tiousness too.
You make Hulk feel mi-i-ghty real!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Coppens: It's been one of those days, hasn't it?!
I shall go through my archives and play you a tune for Jukebox Monday... I recollect that you liked Pale Shelter by Tears for Fears. So do I. I think we should treat ourselves.

Sx

Betty said...

RIP David Vine :'-(

scarlet-blue said...

Betty: Hello Betty!
I'm very sorry about David Vine.
Sx

Madame DeFarge said...

I only came in to buy a soothing compress to calm myself down after Mr Gorilla Bananas showed a lady's front bits on his blog. A lady can only cope with so much. I fear that I have walked into a den of iniquity and vice.

scarlet-blue said...

Madame Defarge: Hello Madame Defarge and Welcome!
Yes, Mr Bananas can be something of a revelation at times, but he's a wise and cuddly Gorilla really. Apologies for my little hovel... I really must tidy...
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

We'll all have to save our broken clay pipes for Dave's land drains.

Gyppo: what you need is the Dun & Bradstreet Directory of Fuckery in the European Union. Available in all good reference libraries. Tell them Andrew Motion sent you.

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: Phone booths are often good places to find directories of fuckery. But don't try removing them. Razor blades.
Sx

savannah said...

enchilladas. spicy hot enchilladas. and cold beer. xoxo

CyberPete said...

Those bloody zips! They only last so long you know

Dave said...

Oh yes please. As many clay land drainage pipes as possible gratefully received.

Perhaps our hostess could gather them up and bring them over when she calls in here to let me have my muffin.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Scarlet, I am so sorry it's taken me so long to get over, but, frankly, I had a better offer.
Your tribute has touched me greatly! My favourite song, my favourite film, and Eddie Waring. All that's missing is a Caeser salad, a bottle of screwtop wine, slowly turning to vinegar, and a packet of Consulate. How well you know me! How well.
How much?

PS I have just received the video footage of my speech of thanks given to the waiting crowds. Would you like me to transcribe it for you?

Word ver't is powladiva. Powladiva! It's what the huddled masses cried as I mounted the podium. POWLADIVA!

scarlet-blue said...

Savannah: Anything hot and spicy is fine by me...

Pete: They don't make zips like they used to, do they? Anyhow who needs a zip? Easy access that's what I say.

Dave: I am horribly behind today my sweet, [although my own behind is beautiful] so will be ready for muffin from about midday.

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Scarlet, I am so sorry it's taken me so long to get over, but, frankly, I had a better offer.
Your tribute has touched me greatly! My favourite song, my favourite film, and Eddie Waring. All that's missing is a Caeser salad, a bottle of screwtop wine, slowly turning to vinegar, and a packet of Consulate. How well you know me! How well.
How much?

PS I have just received the video footage of my speech of thanks given to the waiting crowds. Would you like me to transcribe it for you?

Word ver't is powladiva. Powladiva! It's what the huddled masses cried as I mounted the podium. POWLADIVA!


Mrs P: At last!!! Crikey, I've been waiting years for a better offer... and some say I am a bit touched.... but anyhow yes, I would love a transcription of your speech. Or is it on Youtube?
Please be careful mounting the podium they can get a bit slippery in this weather... people forget to wipe their feet.
POWLADIVA! And all the best!
SXXX

Gadjo Dilo said...

This is an unusual symbiosis between Scarlet and Mrs Pouncer, but I'm not going to elaborate on it this time ;-)

WV: "pessess" - the name of this special symbiosis?

scarlet-blue said...

Gadj: I've had my suspicions, and I put it to you that you are Mrs P... there I've said it now....
Sx