Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Nice 'n Easy
Here we see Louise, she’s been feeling a little bit dowdy lately having recently been dumped by her boyfriend; for the past week she’s been holed up in her bedroom scoffing chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches. She’s also been devouring self-help books, her two favourites being, ‘How To Get More Than Even’ and ‘Men Are From An Entirely Different Planet Altogether’. To cheer herself up and to help her face the world again, Louise has decided that she needs a make-over. It takes three hours, three boxes of Nice'n Easy Natural Baby Blonde, and four ruined towels to turn Louise’s mousy brown locks into a brillo pad of ginger. Louise sobs, wishing she’d followed the instructions on the box and done the strand test first [but who ever does?]. She spends the rest of the evening drinking neat gin and avoiding her reflection in the mirror. In the morning she awakes, still slightly sloshed, but she remembers that her Dad keeps a selection of wigs in his dressing up box. She chooses ‘The Cher’, in natural nylon - it’s bright red, but what the heck it’s better than the ginger brillo. She tops off her new look with a pink crochet beret. Feeling a shade braver she heads out the door to the local friendly salon, hoping against hope that they can fix the damage; on her way she passes the shoe shop and she is transfixed by a pair of red stilettos, but there, looming behind the display, is Catty Mean-Mouth-Bitch-Face [the last person you want to see when you’re feeling less than your best]. Louise, still somewhat fuelled with the gin, whips off her beret and tosses her nylon cherry red hair; she struts into the shop and she buys those shoes [go girl]. We watch her striding up the High Street to the salon like a graceful 7ft pillar box, towering over all other pedestrians.
At the salon, Terry who studied ‘Directional Hair Design’ and ‘Pubic Topiary’ at Southend Tech, transforms her matted brush of ginger into a halo of golden blonde [amazing what can be achieved with industrial bleach, hair straighteners, and a pot of VO5]. Louise smiles at her reflection in the mirror and in this moment she realises that life is never Nice'n Easy; Louise smiles at Terry, and resolves that as a blonde she’s going to be easy'n nice . . .