Thursday, 15 January 2009

Scarlet's Bush

I have recieved a letter from the council regarding the state of my bush; apparently it's spreading into the road and is causing a hazard. Well, it's been a little chilly of late and I've been a little lapse with my landscaping, plus there's been a dearth of visitors - so why bother? Anyhow, it seems a neighbour has complained and wants my bush seen to as soon as poss [best offer I've had in ages] and I have 14 days to sort myself out or 'Action will be taken' [two offers in one day].
Sigh, I apologise for my unruly bush and I'm sorry that it's caused offence, but I hate the sound of trimmers - it puts my teeth on edge and there's only so much I can do with a pair of nail scissors . . .
Deary me; perhaps I should start a campaign . . . something on the lines of 'Save Scarlet's Bush Now!'.

What d'ya reckon?

***UPDATE*** 17.03 GMT : The general consensus appears to be that the bush should be removed on Tuesday. Crikey . . . it's a political minefield out there . . .


46 comments:

xl said...

I will buy a campaign bumper sticker and lapel pin, if that will assist in the bush situation.

Autolycus said...

I know of some people who are getting shot of theirs next Tuesday.

Perhaps you could hire a Brazilian to deal with yours.

Glamourpuss said...

A cheap pair of shears from Homebase will set you right - and you can stick them in the annoying neighbour's chest when you're done.

Puss

BEAST said...

Oh the shame Miss Scarlet of having an asbo slapped on your unsightley bush .
There must be some local enterprising eastern Europeans who are willing to machete it into shape before the week is out

savannah said...

hire someone, sugar! ;)
xoxo

KAZ said...

Get rid of your Bush and replace it with a Barack - much nicer.

The Dotterel said...

I'll lend you my beard trimmer!

The Dotterel said...

Oh, I feel such a fool! I've just realised that this post is an extended metaphor - a la Animal Farm - to the outgoing President of the United States of Arabia. And I didn't see it! Sorry, Scarlett. Up Obama!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr XL: The lapel pin is tastefully fashioned in scarlet fake fur. I will send one on to you.

Mr Auty: Well, that other Bush can go...
But I will consider your kind offer of a Brazilian.

Puss: I reckon it was the Rambler's association. They don't like getting tangled in bushes... one leaf out of place and they're on to the council.

Mr Beastie: Goodness me! I was thinking of some gentle punning or a spot of light topiary...

Savannah: Quite frankly, yes Savannah, I may be reduced to this...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: I have the USA backing my bush... yey! This could spread...

Mr Dotts: Oh my! The timing of my bush... goodness me... pass the beard trimmer pronto...

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

No offence to Mr Byard, but DON'T let the pikeys at your bush. They split mine asunder. It never recovered.

BEAST said...

Oh Lady Daphne your are a one !

scarlet-blue said...

Lady Daphne: I doubt they'd stop at my bush, they'd be tinkering up my driveway, and offering to sweep my chimney as soon as I turned my back... sorry Gyppo...

Mr Beastie: You've just remembered how slow I can be...

Sx

Dave said...

I really enjoy pruning. Now I've nearly finished digging my garden, I was looking for something else to which I can turn my hand.

Bush-pruner sounds like a career I'd enjoy.

Dave said...

By the way, i couldn't see any bushes in the photo, but I think I did spot a bit of maidenhair fern.

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: We will have to send you on a bush course... I'm sure you will prove most able with the trimmers...
And the pic? The pic is my local area.
Sx

eroswings said...

Well, if you really want to keep your bush, perhaps you could trim it into a wonderful design.

What sort of action did they say they will take? Give your bush a good talking to? Perhaps attempt to work it over to get satisfying results?

It's your bush! You decide who gets to touch it!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Swings: As you can see from the pic... my bush is turning into a forest, so something should be done... I will remove it on Tuesday... seems like a trend...
Sx

MJ said...

But the thick foliage provides camouflage to all manner of woodland creatures.

CyberPete said...

You must find a man who will tend to your unruly bush delicately. We can't have your teeth hurting - or maybe you've got a weird gum disease!

MJ said...

CyberPoof: Maybe she needs the gum massager!

scarlet-blue said...

MJ: My thoughts exactly; my bush is a fine place for all manner of nesting mammals...

Pete: I can see this post getting out of hand...

MJ: As I said; I can see this post getting out of hand... Okay - I'm a fab bearded lady in need of a gum massager...

Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

I suggest you allow a few critters in your bush, Miss Scarlet. If anyone tries to prune it you can claim it's a protected habitat.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Bananas: I could also claim that it's an area of outstanding natural beauty. I think I will...
Sx

EmmaK said...

surely you can gently persuade your latest squeeze into trimming your bush to the Council's specifications?

CyberPete said...

I'm taking my new position with the NHS very seriously.

WV uncocher

scarlet-blue said...

Emma: The council has particular specifications. So I'm looking for an official trimmer... and I like a man in a uniform. Actually no, I'm fibbing, I like a man in a dinner jacket, slightly ruffled but comfortable... he'd have a casual yet confident approach with his trimmers and with one swift movement everything would be off. Leaving plenty of time for other things.

Pete: I'm very grateful for your concern and attention. Erm... but I'm not letting you anywhere near my teeth. It's for your own good.

Sx

CyberPete said...

I have this teeth bleeching kit if you would be interested.

See here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57ZLGm-D2FY

Eryl Shields said...

The thing about bushes is that you can trim them so that they grow back lusher than ever. Your neighbour, thinking that you have caved into his coercion, will then be taken unawares at some later date and you will be ready for him.

I have no idea what you will do on that later date but I have every faith that you will think of something.

rhinestonecatboy said...

Ooooh ain't she bold!

Donn Coppens said...

I took the liberty of putting in a call on your behalf to the head bushman of the town council planning committee...hope that wasn't too forward of me?

I spoke with a Mr. something or-other Plant, nice chap, who explained the following in no uncertain terms.

If theres a bustle in your hedgerow,
Dont be alarmed now.
It's just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by,
but in the long run.
There's still time to trim the bush they're on
.

And it makes me wonder what all the fuss was about?

Misssy M said...

I tie mine back with string....

HoodChick said...

My favorite hiking areas have signs posted on some trails that they are "resting." Apparently the forest needs this rest for rejuvenation.

It makes the riddance of the bush all the more sweeter.

Gadjo Dilo said...

You should be allowed to keep your bush au naturale Scarley. How about moving to Scandinavia??

scarlet-blue said...

Pete: Thank you for this, but I can assure you that my teeth are fine.... it's just the bush that's a problem... I don't eat my bush or anything weird like that...

Eryl: My bush will creep up on him... perhaps I will rip it out and stick up a phone mast to improve neighbourly communication...

Master Catboy: Yes I am.

Mr Coppens: Bless. You can never be to forward.
Oh how I would love to hear you dealing with our local council... it'd be worth having a problem bush just to hear you defending my honour...

Misssy: ...and tie it to a stake...?

Hoodchicky: A good trimming makes a lush bush...

Gadj: Plans are afoot... btw - I don't have bushy feet... I'm not alluding to any other hirsute problem...

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I can't believe nobody's mentioned "topiary" yet. Is it the elephant in the corner like on QI, if I say it a big hooter will go off? Not that I've got anything about big hooters you understand. Oh dear I seem to be digging myself into a hole here.

scarlet-blue said...

I did Daph!!!:
Mr Beastie: Goodness me! I was thinking of some gentle punning or a spot of light topiary...

Now come on... I wasn't going to let that one slip by...!

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne: Hooters is a whole new post... that's when the council complain about the noise I make with my sax.
Sx

Dave said...

If your sax isn't noisy you're probably not doing it right. (With apologies to Woody Allen.)

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Don't worry, my sax is very noisy.
Sx

CyberPete said...

You'd have to be very limber to eat your bush. Bending over like that - it could become problematic.

Madame DeFarge said...

At least you have your own bush and not a communal garden, which makes it very difficult to establish ownership of any bushes. This leads to all sorts of polyarborealy and jealous about who last made use of the shade provided by the bushes and who can trim whose bushes.

Is it an evergreen or deciduous? Enquiring minds need to know

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet , Now that your bush is no longer a shabby embarrasment , that now is the time to make it a feature , a little dicreet lighting could make it a beacon of warmth on these cold winter nights

scarlet-blue said...

Ah, some stragglers...

Pete: I can touch my toes... and nibble my knees, I think this will suffice...

Madame D: I've always avoided communal bushes, and I'm pleased to have a deciduous bush to myself. But I'm not totally selfish, sometimes I share it...

Mr Beastie: I was thinking of a nice set of fairy lights to make it twinkle.

Sx

Dave said...

I have space in my new home for more bushes. Can I have a cutting from yours?

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Down boy...
Sx