Thursday, 12 February 2009
All Because the Lady Loves...
Some women have it all. They spend their days reclining on DFS sofas in their M&S undies and use an array L’Oreal anti-ageing products. If that isn’t enough, they also have blokes dropping at their feet. One such woman is Debbie Von Arlington-Grange who lives in six bedroom neo-Georgian barn conversion, known as ‘Rose Cottage’, just down wind of the Dartford tunnel. She also has a luxury yacht called The Damson Dolly moored at Dover. And, as yet, she has no need for Always Envive pads.
Here we see boyfriend Eric, desperately trying to keep Debbie sweet. He fearlessly dives off the white cliffs and into the shark infested waters of the Dover straits. He swims to Debbie’s yacht, climbs aboard and delivers a box of Milk Tray. Then, without so much as a nibble on a coffee cream, Debbie sends him home. Why? Well partly because he forgot the Champagne; he didn’t bring any other pressies; he made a soggy mess all over her pink shag pile carpet; he’s always leaving the toilet seat up; he didn’t ring to say he was coming; he forgot her nougat allergy; he forgot she was on a diet this week; she needs to wash her hair; AND he doesn’t know what to do with his Dyson wand handle.
Sigh. Romance eh? Don’t you just love it? Anyhow, You’ll be pleased to know that I’m not as high maintenance as Debbie. I enjoy the simple pleasures in life; I don’t have a yacht - I’m quite at home on a lilo, and after a Moscow Mule or two, I’m easily persuaded to share my strawberry creams and soft centres….
*I’m not actually keen on the strawberry creams and soft centres… But I’d be quite happy with a fish finger sandwich and a Cadbury’s Crème Egg.