Thursday, 19 February 2009

Contactless Technology



Yes I know I said I wasn't posting this week, but I developed an itch to post something!
I love this ad. I don't know why; banks aren't really popular at the moment. Perhaps it's the tune? Perhaps it's the idea of travelling at speed down a giant personal water shute? Perhaps it's because we get to see Mr Beastie grappling with a bunch of bananas...
Anyhow, to lighten our wallets and to make financial transactions simple, Barclaycard have developed contactless technology... It's nothing new though, the government have had it for years...

48 comments:

Dave said...

My card has this technology. Fortunately, Norfolk is equiped with a vast system of watershutes, so I do all my shopping like this.

BEAST said...

This advert fills me with angst , having once had a horrific water flume incident near the Dartford Bridge

The Dotterel said...

But where does he keep his card?

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: It really does seem to be the best way to travel... I have now checked the spelling! It should be 'water shute'...!

Mr Beastie: Are you talking about colonic irrigation?

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Dotts: In all honesty this advert raises more questions than it explains... You can imagine how confused I've been... and where does he keep his shopping?
Sx

Lulu LaBonne said...

I do love this one, I think he has a special slot for his card - right at the beginning of the ad I noticed him adjusting it

Clyde said...

At least it's not a swipe card---
He would probable have to swipe it through his own arse crack you check his own ID

Jimmy Bastard said...

I have to admit that I did try this method for a while. However, getting a 3 metre solid oak worktop, and 40 bags of cement around those bends is a right bastard in the wet.

Don't even get me started on what happened when I collected a chicken tikka masalla. Some of those stains will never come out!

KAZ said...

Glad you're back.
Is this one nominated for an Oscar.
It'll make a nice change from Kate bloody Winslett.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Ms. Scarlet,

You have not shattered my trust in your word....I have missed you; even if your absence was only momentary.

At this moment I am listening to Coltrane's "Naima"; banks, water shutes and Mr. Beastie are not in my consciousness.

Hope you're having a grand week.

underOvr

scarlet-blue said...

Lulu: Ah! So I'm not the only one who noticed that discreet little wiggle?

Mr Clyde: He's wearing a right dodgy pair of underpants - nobody would want to swipe these...

Mr Jimmy: It's even messier in the public water shutes... On the up side, there is no need to use Always Envive pads when you travel this way.

Kaz: Now Kate would have been fab in this ad - she's used to being up to her neck in water.
Tsk. I had blogger's block... followed by blogger's itch!

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Mr U: Excellent choice of music. Thank you.
Sx

Glamourpuss said...

Maybe it's because I loathe Barclays, but I find this ad entirely cynical. Not amount of water shute can detract from their cuntiness, I'm afraid.

Puss

xl said...

He seems to be a contortionist, going from feet-first to head-first to feet-first...

Jimmy Bastard said...

... you just had to lower the tone when I'm eating lunch, reet?

Anywan wan ma sponge ceke?

Tis really good having you back by the way.

scarlet-blue said...

Puss: Snigger! I thought it was an ad for Butlins for the first few weeks it aired...

Mr XL: I don't like what he does in the library. He's leaving skid marks.

Mr Jimmy: Is it chocolate sponge cake? Or a nice big muffin?
I like muffin.

It's nice to have shaken off my blogger's block.

Sx

MJ said...

I developed an itch to post something!

I have some ointment that might help.

scarlet-blue said...

MJ: I'm a masochist, I enjoy scratching.
Sx

PI said...

I like it too but don'y know whether to believe it and neverassociated it with banks.
I'm worried about Beast's flume thingy.

Famulus said...

Those were the days... :-)

CyberPete said...

scarlet-blue said...
Mr Dotts: In all honesty this advert raises more questions than it explains... You can imagine how confused I've been... and where does he keep his shopping?
Sx


Well you said it was Beastie so we know where he keeps his bananas.

scarlet-blue said...

Pat: I thought it was an ad for Butlin's or a holiday park.
I too am worried about Mr Beastie's Flume. Perhaps he will enlighten us?

Fammy: Did you often holiday at Butlin's? I always had dreams of becoming a Red Coat..

Pete: I know, but there is such a thing as being full to capacity.

Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Hello Scarlet - Pre-plastic days Pinder & Tuckwell in Exeter (where we used to get our school uniforms - you can imagine what we called it) - used a system of chutes to handle the money. No tills - the money used to go in little capsules up to accounts. I always imagined little men whizzing round the chutes ... now we know.

Gorilla Bananas said...

His rapid penetration of the chute has seduced you, Miss Scarlet. The man is a banana thief!

:: Wendy :: said...

(Curmudgeon rant warning)

rembering when:

petrol stations provided staff to talk to you, or gurnt at you while holding the petrol pump before self-service.

after wating in line in a post office, I could talk to the grumpy or charming post mistress or master - before stamp-machines.

the staff in the local Co-op, they smile and tease me about some of my secret maughty habits that they know...

I want my daily life to connect me to people. For me its not all about 'efficiently' of transaction, the WAY is imprtant and I want connected, even to other curmudgeons.

(Curmudgeon rant complete, for now)

Madame DeFarge said...

We go down the tubes in my office every day, but rarely to such national acclaim. I shall try wandering with a fetching bathing costume and see what happens.

CyberPete said...

The Beast must be very roomy on the inside.

If he gets heads of lettuce he should remember to put them on a rope and keep a bit hanging out.

scarlet-blue said...

Kate: Funny things intrigue kids. Chutes are fascinating because you just don't know where they go... and also dumbwaiter lifts... I always wanted to climb inside one... and laundry chutes. I was a nightmare child...

Mr Bananas: I know, I'm a bit daft. Tunnels, s/chutes, dark cupboards... all places of seduction...

Wendy: Have you used the speaking robot thingy check-out in the Co-op yet? You're gonna love it!
I had a row with it... it kept telling me to put things in my bag... when I already had. It was very confusing; and then it started shouting at me. I thought it was going to explode. I don't use it anymore.

Madam D: Any chance of us viwing this on Youtube?

Pete: Sounds like you're describing a giant tampon...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

*sp: viewing

Kevin Musgrove said...

It explains much about banking performance that they're all pissing around in open air sewers.

Eryl Shields said...

It is quite cheery but I have no idea what it's telling me.

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: I think you sum up the situation most succinctly, Kev.
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Eryl: Well, I eventually looked it all up on the Barclaycard website, because all my imaginings of what it all meant had given me a headache... nice tune though.
Sx

Whirlochre said...

According to a recently shut-out industry insider, the original proposal for this ad featured Harrison Ford, sliding down something spikier, slimier and plasticer to a nu-reggae mix of Prime Time by The Tubes — but said Hollywood legend refused to wear the comedy spectacles demanded by the Barclays board of directors, claiming they made a mockery of the character he was being offered a million quid to pseudo-lampoon, and after a fistfight lasting for several weeks, the ad agency ditched him and hired the weedy guy...

HoodChick said...

I think the part where he seems to run out of water and has to squeegy his ass down the tube is symbolic of the reaming the rest of us broke asses are dealing with.

CyberPete said...

Tampax are essential are they not?

Dave said...

Barclaycard took over Goldfish recently - I've had my Goldfish card for years. I saw this advert quite a few times before I realised it was a credit card ad; it then took me several more viewings before I wondered whether my new card had the technology (it does, but I've never made use of it, not requiring any bananas when I go water-shuting).

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Whirly: All true, Mr Whirly.. But Harrison also wanted to do it nekkid...

Hoodchicky: The sound of skidmarks... yep, somebody had to clean up after him.

Pete: Well, I suppose I have the option of stuffing a roll of cotton wool down my pants once a month... but generally I prefer tampons... Pete, sweetie, how the hell did I get back on to sanitary wear? I thought that was last week...

Dave: It would have been a good plumbing ad.
And remember, bananas have hidden depths.
Sx

Jane P said...

I read a really funny blog post (I think it was called 'The House at Pooh Corner') about the ad with that group of silly women, one of whom is having trouble going.

I can't remember where I read it now - it should have been you, Ms Scarlet, but I see it wasn't.

Sorry.

Dave said...

Oh, I know the answer to that one, ladies. It was my old friend, mr P. He wrote it here here.

Do I win a prize?

scarlet-blue said...

Jane and Dave: Ah yes! This is the Dulcoease advert - it's based on Sex and the City [believe it or not]... I did have it on my list... but there was another ad, where the woman is seen to be carrying her constipation in her handbag... weird... and is it only women that have these problems???? Or perhaps it's only women that can be cured?
Sx

savannah said...

and there it is! yet another successful ad campaign being immortalized in the blogosphere...
xoxox

scarlet-blue said...

Savannah: Thank-you!
I may pull out an ad that I really do like one day!
Sx

savannah said...

scarlet...i look forward to that! i'm seriously thinking about doing a posting like that myself. we could an across the pond exchange! ;) xoxox

scarlet-blue said...

Savannah: Sounds like a good idea!
Sx

EmmaK said...

You've got to love Barclays - at least they're the only UK bank that hasn't gone belly up. Still, no idea what contactless technology means. Why not call it 'online banking' like a normal person? Otherwise one might think one can just transfer funds by just thinking about it on a water slide.

CyberPete said...

You thought Beasties lettuce power balls would be like a tampon.

scarlet-blue said...

Emma: We're all confused by this advert aren't we? I had to do a bit of googling to find out what it all meant...
The BBC summed it up here.

Pete: Poor Mr Beastie, I think his bum has had enough ridicule for the time being... later...

Sx