Monday, 23 March 2009

Ancient Vermilion Proverbs

Never let the sun go down behind closed curtains.

Heels are good for pulling, but flats are needed for running away when you've had enough.

A problem shared is gossip material.

There's more than one way to peel a fish finger.

Always carry a Toilet Duck.

Two wrongs aren't as bad as three.

It's never over until somebody starts singing... and even this can go on for some time.

A bird in the bush is artistic trimming.

53 comments:

Mrs Pouncer said...

Scarlet, it is never over until the FAT lady sings; but where can we find one of those - and at such short notice?
And, anyhoo, it's never over 'til it's over, we shall overcome! There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover ... tomorrow, just you wait and see!
I'm looking over a four-leaf clover, that I'd overlooked before. Over and out.

Whirlochre said...

Seven proverbs andCindy Lauper?

Truly, you are the Ferrero Rocher of First Thing Monday blog posters...

PI said...

Mrs P's comment makes me realise how cliched phrases from ancient songs leap unbidden to my pen.
And speaking of gossip which of you girls is going to spill the beans about about your rendezvous. I can't be the only one avid. I know men appear to be in/uncurious but they are every bit as nosey.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Pat, no more bean-spilling, I beg. There was such a surfeit that day; it was like an explosion in the Heinz factory. Everyone covered in sauce.

Dave said...

I'm just going out to my glasshouse to deal with a stone issue.

Jimmy Bastard said...

I hear Scarlet turned scarlet when Mrs Pouncer pounced.

I hear a lot of things with my cyber glass pressed firmly against many a firewall.

The Dotterel said...

You forgot the one about the rolling stones... You know, and Kate Moss.

Polly said...

Oh yes, my handbag would be so empty without a toilet duck, it's like a lipstick, I always have one with me... xxx

scarlet-blue said...

Mrs P: Goodness me! I should have played Vera instead of Cyndi...
The fat ladies are always disqualified first in X-Factor...

Mr Whirly: With Ferrero Rocher, Mr Whirly, you are spoiling me... I'm more like an Aero.

Pat: It was a giggle... you'll have to come up to London one day, but you will be banned from taking pics!!

Mrs P: Indeed!! You should see my dry-cleaning bill... And crikey, didn't Inky's sea cucumber make a bit of a mess?!

Dave: And remember - people in greenhouses shouldn't juggle with potatoes.

Mr Jimmy: So you know all about "£%$^^&*(££$^^&&*& then???

Mr Dotts: Goodness me! Has Mick Jagger flattened Kate Moss???

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Polly: You are obviously a very sensible girl...
Sx

Ponita in Real Life said...

Here in Canada, we have our very own fat lady.

I certainly don't listen to her sing, though.

Cindy Lauper... well, when she was hot in the '80's, I listened lots. Somehow she still looks very much the same.....

scarlet-blue said...

Ponita: Ahh... Rita looks very happy... interesting vocals.
Tee hee... somebody once said I looked like Lauper!!!
Sx

xl said...

Proverbs and Cindy — great way to start the week. Thank you.


Oh Hai Ponita!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr XL: I had a very strange dream last night, I'm not going to go into details, but it culminated in me telling you to 'mind the gap'. Do you think I should be dreaming about blogging??
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

Scarlet, it was £%$^^&*(££$^^&&*& who told me about your first same-sex experience.

If you cannae trust your ^^&*(££$, who can you trust?

Jane P said...

Well, duck, I'm really not sure I can get a toilet in my handbag. It might be convenient at times, though.

xl said...

Ms Scarlet, I am now blushing with embarrassment!

Mrs Pouncer said...

If Inky had kept his sea-cucumber firmly to himself, very little of this would have happened. You see, Scarlet, this is what happens when men become brazen and start whispering about intimate sushi. Please leave Inky to me. We are going to Nobu.

KAZ said...

I love the word vermilion - I also love Ducks and must protest at the suggestion that they should be carried around.
And what about a Duck in the bush?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Jimmy: But it was **$%%%""£££$!!!!*)) who told me about yours. I'm sure you will know how to deal with him.

Jane: Now there's a very odd advert that infers that a woman has been using her handbag as a toilet... it might be worth me hunting it down...

Mr XL: Apologies! But mind the gap...

Mrs P: I will leave Mr Inky in your firm and capable hands. I am a mere novice with a sea cucumber... I think this is evident.

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Kaz: I've had many things in my bush, but never a duck.
Is it me or is this post and comments box taking on a surreal quality?!
Sx

Crabtree said...

Et ce qui a échappé à "Cindy Lauper" !!!

Crazy - which a woman believes that she will become if she does not rediscover his bag.

Kangaroo, giant chip.

Postilions: bad weather of the language.

Wrinkle: confidential pleat - or that one would want such.

Sardine: small fish without head which lives in l' oil.

Scruple. Light weight which is enough to make tilt scales.

Homeopath. The humorist of the medical profession.

Lady Clarissa,
Tien !...Un trèfle à quatre feuilles !!?

A la maison, on mange à la carte. C'est celui qui l'as de trèfle qui mange !
Mais ,pour un trèfle à quatre feuilles, la chance c'est quand personne ne le trouve.

scarlet-blue said...

Crabtree:Je pense que vos proverbes sont bien meilleures que les miennes!
J'aime particulièrement l'un kangourou....
I think your proverbs are much better than mine!
I especially like the kangaroo one.
Sx

MJ said...

I misread it as "There's more than one way to PULL a fish finger."

scarlet-blue said...

MJ: I shall note this down as an 'Ancient Informaniac Saying'.
Sx

eroswings said...

What exactly are you pulling with heels?

Better a bird in the bush than a crab!

Luv Cindy!

Boys luv girls who want to have fun!!!

lulu labonne said...

I am so inspired by Crabtree I need to contribute one:


Never confuse a duck with Eau d'Issey

Ponita in Real Life said...

Why on earth do fish fingers need peeling?

Is that a British thing? I have never peeled a fish finger here in the Colonies... perhaps our fish are degloved first.

Kevin Musgrove said...

We are an entirely incurious gender and only ask questions out of politeness and self-preservation.

Cyndi Lauper's five years older than Mad Donna but looks ten years younger.

A bird in the hand shits on your wrist.

BEAST said...

Exciting News Miss Scarlet , the pervy old captain Birdseye has produced a new salmon fish finger
I bet your excited

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Swings: What exactly are you pulling with heels?

Possibly old chewing gum from the pavement!

Better a bird in the bush than a crab!

And a Eroswingism!!!!

Lulu: Crabtree is very good at this and thank you for you Labonnism!

Ponita: When dieting it is sometimes better to skip the breadcrumbs that encase the fish... but you're right this is one of the dafter Vermilion Proverbs to be found...

Kev: A bird in the hand would probably drop dead in fright, and then you'd probably wish that you'd followed the RSPCA guidelines instructing you not to handle wild birds.... a guilt trip waiting to happen...

Mr Beastie: If this is true, then I am indeed, very excited...

Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

What is Beast talking about? Captain Birdseye never so much as glanced at a lady!

A bottom spanked is a lesson learned, Miss Scarlet. You must have heard that one.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Bananas: And I've always had to learn the hard way....
Sx

librarylizzie said...

The only thing i can add to this increasingly surreal posting is that I think I know the ad you are talking about - y'know..woman...toilet...handbag.

Isn't something to do with feeling bloated or constipated, and she opens her bag to illustrate all the *stuff* that is potentially swilling around inside her body.....Senacot mebbe?

librarylizzie said...

Senakot apparently.

24/7 librarian strikes again:

http://www.visit4info.com/advert/Senokot-Dual-Relief-Karaoke-Senokot-Laxative/46650

xl said...

"A dead bird never flies at night."

Is that Vermilion?

scarlet-blue said...

Lizzie: Thank you!!! Yes that's the one!!! I will have a look. The other dreadful one is the Dulcoease 'Sex in the City' spoof - four women discussing hard stools over lunch... and not the stools they're sitting on!

Mr XL: Yep! This one made me laugh! An excellent example of an XLism!

Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

"When Chardonnay just doesn't cut it a handbag full of shit is a great ice breaker"

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ah, Cyndi had the better voice but Madonna had more ambition.

Peeling fish fingers?? Captain Birdseye will have something to say about this, and it won't be pretty.

Dave said...

Having spent the afternoon in my greenhouse yesterday, looking into its romatic possibilities, I have decided that people who live in glass houses shouldn't.

Dave said...

'romatic' by the way, was today's deliberate speling mistake.

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: In certain areas of the South East, a handbag full of shit would be the equivalent of a V.I.P pass....

Gadj: Yep, I think Cyndi had other interests... it wasn't all about fame.
Mr Birdseye is strangely unsettling...

Dave: 'Romantic possibilities'? Is this a clue?????

Sx

Dave said...

Could be.

Jane P said...

Oooh. I shall totter round to Dave's now, to see what you two are talking about.

Kate Lord Brown said...

Wouldn't fortune cookies be more fun with these inside? Perhaps time for some guerilla tactics down at the Wall of China (like they switched the flight safety instructions in Fight Club?) x

Emerson Marks said...

Re: A problem shared is gossip material. It never ceases to amaze me how something that only two, or perhaps three, people were party to becomes common knowledge. I never utter a word, but somehow others become aware by osmosis, or something.

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: I'm sure all will be revealed very soon. Especially if you're engaging in miscondict... sorry, misconduct, in a glasshouse.

Jane: Yes... try and prise the information out of Dave. He's in tease mode.

Kate: I like this idea! I will start baking with my special chocolate brownie recipe.

Mr Marks: I know, real life and Eastenders seem to merge into one. One day we will all have implants and will resemble the borg.

Sx

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

I love what my husband always says:" I'd love to have been a cat on the wall in that room."

scarlet-blue said...

Beverly: Hello and welcome! Yes, I'm liking this one too... I hope he doesn't then send the cat to the dog-house. That would be mean.
Sx

EmmaK said...

Fabulous. May I add:

Never underestimate the stupidity of people (see Jade Goody, mourning of)

Always carry toilet paper - you never know when you will be caught short

Men should always be shaken, not stirred

scarlet-blue said...

Emma: I'm liking the loo paper and I'm all for giving men an Earthquake!
Jade Goody... oh crikey... let's not even go there! Nightmare!
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Scarlet, this just came into my head like a terrible flashback. See if you remember it:

"Camberley! How do people drive to Camberley? I mean, how do they do it? And Dover. Jesus, Dover. How is it done? And the cross-channel ferry. I mean, how would anyone do that? And getting off the other end. I just .... I mean .... could you?"

It made sense. Didn't it?

scarlet-blue said...

Mrs P: Yes! I remember this, almost word for word [how do you do that?]. And yes it made sense!
Sx