Thursday, 19 March 2009

A Discreet Camel Ride

.

*Apologies, Tena Pants Discreet are so discreet that I can't even find a copy of the ad to embed in this post.

I have always wanted to ride a camel and now thanks to Tena Pants Discreet I can do it in comfort. Instead of humping over the desert feeling every bump, I can have the shocks absorbed by Tena. Yes, thanks to Tena, riding a camel is simplicity itself.
The market for incontinence pads is not exactly flooded, and it seems that there two main market contenders: Always Envive, which promises to help you stand out in a crowd and make an exhibition of yourself; and then there's Tena for people who like easy rides. I know which one I'd choose...

55 comments:

xl said...

The guy in the tent seems to be content to watch others mount the camel.

MJ said...

I just use a ShamWow.

Oh Hai XL!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr XL: He's not wearing Tena Discreet Pants so he can't do any mounting.

MJ: Blimey! The ShamWow lasts ten years!!! But does it make a camel comfy?

Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

*shakes head* ... no comment.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Pardon my naivete: is this a chirpodist's cure for camel toe?

Kevin Musgrove said...

I've just pieced this all together. You're going to London for drinkies with Mrs. P. and your mind drifts to incontinence.

She'll be cross.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Jimmy: Apologies... but weren't you talking about 'hard motion' this morning? Hmmmm???

Kev: I think it probably is... I actually edited the camel toe line out of this post!

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: I am simply preparing myself...
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

Scarlet, only you had the intelligence to make up on that hidden gem.

Irony is not lost in your bright copper lid.

Kate Lord Brown said...

Anything for an easy ride - and you could always strap a few extras to elbows and knees in case of sudden dismount.

Madame DeFarge said...

But don't camels retain moisture in their humps until they need it? Is that what Tena does? Keeps it there, all snug and safe, until you need it? And do you have double pads for bactrian moments

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Jimmy: I think Duracell must be on my list somewhere...

Kate: Blimey...ideas for multi-functional sanitary wear seem to be limitless...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Madame D: This is the Eureka moment when I twig the connection between Tena and camels!! Thank you... You are quite brilliant, as ever.
Sx

The Dotterel said...

'*+()*$£"(&_"'. Honest!

KAZ said...

No thanks Scarlet - I think I'll just stick to my old 'onda - with its shock absorbers.
Call me unadventurous if you must ....

Wow, that was awkward said...

I'm learning a lot from your blog about things I do believe I will never bring up in any conversation other than with you.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Dotts: I can assure you that I'm most familiar with this sort of language...

Kaz: But a camel in the garage... or tent... is the latest thing...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Awkward: I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me...
Sx

Whirlochre said...

It's a long way down from between those humps. Static electricity. Fur of desert denizen meets chins of sandalled twat.

Had it not been 42 degrees in the shade, I'd have refrained from bursting into flames, honest.

By night, I am Mr Discreet...

Whirlochre said...

Shins.

Yes.

Polyhumpoid — not polymandibular.

PI said...

I resisted the temptation to ride a camel in Egypt as I didn't fancy it or his little helper and it had halitosis. Thanks for the pants info. Should be useful one of these day;)

Ponita in Real Life said...

I've ridden an elephant (for real.. really!) and it was much more comfortable than I would imagine a camel would be. No need for Tena with an elephant...

xl said...

I did the Six Embarrassing Things post you requested. I hope it is not embarrassing.

Oh Hai MJ!
Oh Hai Ponita!

Ponita in Real Life said...

Oh Hai XL!

VE said...

Watch out for the spitting...

eroswings said...

Riding a camel in style! Tres shiek! ;)

BEAST said...

I am not sure I understand the concept of these things , it must be like staggering about with a wet bath sponge in your drawers

Gadjo Dilo said...

Why on earth would people with incontinence want to stand out in a crowd? Shuddering. I myself wear an all-in-one rubber catsuit under my normal suit. It helps with the incontinence too.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Whirly: Polyhumping in sandals? Goodness me! Yes I'm sure that would raise the temperature...

Pat: So Tena Discreet should give away free bottles of mouthwash with every pack... I hear what you're saying ;o)

Ponita: I like Elephants. Elephants like cup-cakes don't they? They look comfy.

Mr XL: I will be over shortly!!

Mr VE: Camels do spit, so Pat and I are going to give them mouthwash..

Mr Swings: I think a camel would look stylish zooming up the M25... and would make a change from my Peugeot - which isn't stylish at all. [Too many dents]

Mr Beastie: And where do all the used Tena Discreet Pants go when they are fully absorbed? The ShamWow lasts ten years...

Gadj: You've been very kinky lately, what with all the combine harvester stuff... and now a rubber catsuit....????

Sx

Clyde said...

I just cant wait to see what you do with that poor Duracell Bunny.

Now, do these things come with wings for when you want to fly

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Clyde: I think the Duracell bunny is very special!

And now I need wings because I am out to lunch...
Sx

Lulu LaBonne said...

Men have a whole range of solutions to the incontinence problem unavailable to women, my favourite is the Stadium Pal basically a bag connected to the penis and worn strapped to one's leg, David Sedaris gives great account of it here

Mary T said...

Pure class!!!!!!!

sarah said...

What are you even doing looking at a tenna ad anyway?
are you only pretending to be a blow up doll? ...confused...

Donn Coppens said...

ShamWOW! HAHAHAHA! Oh that h'emjzay, what a card.

I was expecting a lot more one hump or two jokes and not-so-subtle references about camels being ships of the desert because they are full of "seamen".

Jeez..Not even one line about "dry humping"?


Such a well behaved group.
*applauds decorum

Here is the camel identification rule; One Hump a sideways D for Dromedary and a sideways B for Bactrian.
I hope this helps.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Miss Scarlet, if you've gotta go you've gotta go. Instead of wearing nappies that make you feel uncomfortable, I'd much rather see you pull down your kickers and squat.

Kevin Musgrove said...

"Men have a whole range of solutions to the incontinence problem unavailable to women"

They're called "trouser legs"

savannah said...

it really is damned uncomfortable, sugar! xoxo

(thanks for the kind words and support, sugar!)

scarlet-blue said...

SAVANNNAHHH!!!!!!!!
SXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

scarlet-blue said...

Lulu: Victorian women used to use a gravy boat type thing for when they were caught short. I suppose they just tucked it under their skirts...?

Mary: Thank you!

Sarah: Sometimes even blow up dolls leak.

Mr Coppens: I don't think you've missed any references!! I'd have got the hump otherwise.

Mr Bananas: But will there still be loo paper?

Kev: Goodness me! This sounds like The Great Escape...?

Savannah: I'm so pleased to have you back!!!!!

SXXXX

Emerson Marks said...

I'm not proud. I've rode worse beasts than camels.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Marks: Tee Hee!
Sx

Crabtree said...

That will not be funny!!
My lady-love says me exactly it same thing, "I have always wanted à wrinkles has camel" ...!?
Then I does him the soft eyes, and for the mood I play him the djembe :(

HoodChick said...

Say what you will, but I like my rides a bit bumpy.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Scarlet, I'm just trying to fit in.

The Dirty Rat said...

Dear Ms. S.
I have a nice little on line business going with soiled knickers. Perhaps you could abandon the pads and we could come to a business arrangement.
My current supply is sourced from an incredibly ugly, 70 year old Albanian shepherd - not very satisfactory I know but he produces a great turnover.

scarlet-blue said...

Crabtree: What does 'djembe' mean? Anyone? It's obviously not good?
Poosibly never a good idea to compare your lady-love to a camel?

Hoodchicky: yep, you're much too young for Tena... plenty of rides left in you yet.

Gadj: I've seen you in a kilt - of course you fit in.

Mr Ratty: AARRGGHH... I'm having my tea!!!

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Oh blimey! Freudian slip, sorry Crabtree, I meant possibly and NOT poosibly
SX

Eryl Shields said...

I don't think I have anything to add, X

Dave said...

Did you write anything worth reading last week? I haven't got time to look all the way though everyone's blogs now I'm back.

scarlet-blue said...

Eryl: I think everything that can be said about the Tena Pants has been said too!!!

Dave: Welcome back! I've missed you. Did you mean 'through' by any chance? I did write a post about an old boyfriend, but I doubt it would interest you.
Hope you had a good week!

Sx

WV: cocharse - How rude![As Mr Beastie would say]

mutleythedog said...

You should have ridden naked as nature intended Ms Blue...

Crabtree said...

Sorry ! :(
The camel it is me! My sweet Columbine is an angel !

Dave said...

I'm trying to leave a speling mistake here every time I visit, so you don't feel threatened by me.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Mutts: In my local High Street, they would probably be more shocked by nakedness than by seeing a camel parked on the corner.

Crabtree: I'm sure you look nothing like a camel!

Dave: There is nothing worse than a refreshed blogger!

Sx