Friday, 6 March 2009

Think Galaxy...



When everything else in life lets you down, there is still chocolate. It's always worth remembering this...
Here we see Cindy. Poor Cindy is once again left alone in the swanky student pad that she shares with her two step-sisters, who are both out, living it up in Rockafella's [a stylish and sophisticated neon blazing nightspot - just off Peckham High Street]. Cindy has spent the last three hours on her knees scrubbing and playing with her Dyson dusting brush, so now she heads to the kitchen to fix herself a treat. She fumbles in the fridge for lumps of left over Dairylea cheese, but alas, the fridge is bare; her mean sisters have left her nothing other than a well licked lid from a Müllerlight yoghurt. Cindy sighs, she has grown wise to the wicked ways of her step-sisters and so she has a secret stash of Galaxy chocolate hidden in a box under her bed.
Poor Cindy. If only she could have starred in an eighties commercial. Unfortunately she was born too late, so there'll be no Black Magic; no Milk Tray man sneaking in through the window to deliver an assortment of creams in her box [she is on the 24th floor and has high security double glazing]; there'll be no fairy Godmother offering up a finger of fudge; no ambassador trying to spoil or even soil her with his Ferrero Rocher and nor will she get to share her last Rolo or suck attractively on a flake.
Ahhh, poor Cindy, she is destined to be home alone; to be stuck on her World of Leather sofa, nibbling on her Galaxy bar whilst wearing a pair of Crocs....

42 comments:

savannah said...

and look at her! impossibly thin! i'll bet she purges right after she eats a bite of chocolate! wait, what were talking about? ;) xoxox

EmmaK said...

lol
you wait until you have kids. When I hide my chocolate bars my 5 year old finds them and devours them. The cheeky minx!

scarlet-blue said...

Savannah: It's quite strange how everyone in chocolate ads are always so thin... maybe that's all they eat...?

Emma: I will buy a safe and have a twelve digit combination code... it's the only way...

Sx

PI said...

Re chocolate - have you sen the new Mars bars? Just recently I've had headaches which I normally don't and thinking it may be caused by my nightly dark chocolate, which had crept from 4 to 8 squares I decided to try one of MTL's Mars bars and instead of the kaolin-like centre of old,it was a lucious cakey thing - so I had two.

scarlet-blue said...

Pat: Blimey Pat! Two! You'll be putting Miss Faithfull to shame!
I will be looking out for these new Mars bars and will report back...
Sx

Polly said...

Great! I always count on chocolate. Apparently it's good for you, that's why all those models who eat only chocolate are skinny. It's actually vegetables that make you put on weight.

Jimmy Bastard said...

As tear-jerkingly-painful as it was... I laughed out loud at what you didn't say.
Nothing makes me damper than an extremely funny dry wit.

xl said...

I am hoping that Smeg offers a solution to her problems.

Dave said...

I have no idea about what you are talking. Was this on the electric television?

scarlet-blue said...

Polly: Hello Polly!
Yes the models only eat chocolate, slouch around in nothing but Gucci perfume and sniff Bold 2in1... This is the definitive guide to thinness....

Mr Jimmy: Goodness me! Let me wipe you down with a clean tissue...

Mr XL: The poor girl hasn't got a Smeg... just an empty ice-box. Her sisters have gobbled everything up and left her starving...

Dave: Can you not play the Youtube? You really should stay in occasionally, watch telly and stop galavanting all over Norfolk..

Sx

Dave said...

I signed up for Spotify on Monday. On Tuesday my speakers exploded.

I'm waiting for Mr Amazon to deliver some new ones.

Until then YouTube is just anoying moving pictures.

MJ said...

Dammit, Miss Scarlet, you know I hate Crocs!


Oh Hai XL!

scarlet-blue said...

Dave: Oh... well I hope they come soon... I shall have to display some silent movie clips for you...

MJ: Yep, same here! They are the shoe equivalent of plastic fruit... and less attractive or useful...

Sx

Eryl Shields said...

No wonder poor Cindy is so thin if she spends her days scrubbing and has nothing to eat but Galaxy, which isn't really chocolate but some foul mixture of hydrogenated palm fat and the ground up shells of the cocoa bean. Her only hope is to get thin enough to be able to squeeze out through the letterbox and escape. hopefully once she's out she can get herself some decent shoes.

Madame DeFarge said...

Why Scarlet, you have described my own dear home life so well. It's like a tableau vivant of every evening in the London branch of Defarge Towers. In the absence of M. Defarge, it's a big Snickers for me every night.

Mary T said...

You are a funny, funny lady, I'm so glad I've found you!

scarlet-blue said...

Eryl: And hopefully once she escapes she can get herself some thigh high patent leather boots, grab a plane ticket to Belgium... visit Daphne... and discover proper chocolate... oh, and eat a big dinner... with gravy and roast potatoes....

Madam D: But I suspect your fridge is well stocked... and M.Defarge wouldn't dare nick your chocolate... I imagine he is very well trained...

Mary: Hello and Welcome! Thank-you... I do blush very easily!!!

Sx

Emerson Marks said...

Regarding all girls being thin on chocolate ads: Dawn French breaks (smashes, obliterates) that mould for the Terry's chocolate orange ad campaign.

BEAST said...

She should get her lazy ass down to the 24 hour stop'n'shop . she could be nibbling a walnut whip and chomping thru a bag of prawn cocktail nic naks in the blink of an eye .

Gorilla Bananas said...

Can chocolate ever cure loneliness, Miss Scarlet? Maybe you artistic girls should get together and experiment with chocolate paint.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Utter misrepresentation.

There she is, rummaging around in her old mess tin full of memorabilia from her time in the Boer War and then she pulls out a fresh bar of Galaxy. Without so much as a Board of Trade export stamp on it. Are we supposed to believe this?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Marks: Ha! Yes, you are right! And I like chocolate orange...

Mr Beastie: She needs some proper food! Meat and two veg type of stuff.

Mr Bananas: Alas chocolate can't cure loneliness... it goes soft far too quickly...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: And why is she looking lovingly at pics of the girls who've left her all on her own with no food in the fridge?
She hasn't really got much memorabilia... a few flimsy photographs and a Dyson instruction manual...
Sx

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Ms. Scarlet,

You had me at chocolate!

U

Kevin Musgrove said...

The Dyson hose attachment led to the relief of Ladysmith

PI said...

Scarlet: hold hard! They weren't Mars bars at all just a chocolate rolly cakey thing in the same stash with Mars bars - same size. I wouldn't mind but I was prattling on to MTL last night about the new Mars bars. The devil!

UBERMOUTH said...

Maybe she's trying to commit suicide by chocolate. Or should with that miserable life- and fashion sense!

UBERMOUTH said...

Still the Dyson never loses suction. Not ven a sausage!

The Dirty Rat said...

When I was a young boy, a girl in my class would let me (and with hindsight,I suspect many others) put my hand up her kilt for a rummage. Her price was a bar of chocolate but she let me go there one day for a packet of 'Refreshers' I don't know if it was love or if she just had a craving for sugar.

Whirlochre said...

When she first produces the bar of chocolate from the (shamefully unSmegonic) fridge, I thought it was a Ladyshave. Now that would have been some commercial — a skinny woman shaving her pits with an ice cold chunk of vibrating consumer electricals...

KAZ said...

Reading this - I'm wondering if there has been any good advertising since the eighties.
Other than for Specsavers.

Clyde said...

Just sometimes, there is nothing better in the world that chocolate.
I think I have all of the girls at work convinced that hand made dark chocolate, lime creams are better than sex---
But then I keep going back to sex----just for comparison sake
Hmm, Champagne, chocolate and sex--good night

scarlet-blue said...

Mr U: I should hope so!!

Kev: I don't know about Ladysmith... but a Dyson hose attachment is always helpful during a battle.

Pat: Well... even so... it does sound like a good idea for Mars to think about. It sounds like you had a couple of Cadbury's Mini Rolls... which are quite morish.

Ubermouth: Well there are worse ways to go! I just hope she doesn't try jumping out the window.
Dyson also has a hard floor attachment... see plenty to live for!

Mr Rat: Oh Blimey! I have a serious thing for Refreshers!!
I should imagine she grew up to be quite a shrewd business woman!
Anyhow, I reckon she liked you.

Mr Whirly: I reckon that somewhere there does exist a vibrating chocolate bar... There's got to be. But I doubt it's capable of removing underarm hair... or any use as deodorant.

Kaz: Specsavers!
Blimey.. erm... no... I'm trying to think...

Mr Clyde: Lime Creams!!!! Goodness me...! Viennese truffles are perhaps as good as sex. And after a bottle of Champagne I probably wouldn't care either way...

Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Afterthought... Mr Rat,that girl wasn't me was it...???
Sx

The Dirty Rat said...

Scarlet.
This is spooky.
Did you wear green winceyette bloomers, smell of Lux soap and groan a lot?

The Jules said...

Nice post.

I think that advert would've been funny if one of the girls in the photo had been a right chunker with all chocolate stains round her gob.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Rat: May have done... I had a friend called Lizzie who did handstands without any knickers on. But she used Imperial Leather.

The Jules: Hello and Welcome!
This will be in the Think Galaxy sequel... when they all get together to fight over a bag of Kellog's Mini-lites...

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

And it's Lent. She'll go to Hell for that.

I thought I might escape eternal damnation if I only ate chocolate from Lidl between now and Easter. Well it's too late now anyway.

Pat, a word of advice - put the kitchen light on next time you go rummaging in the kitchen.

Dave said...

My speakers still haven't arrived. I did sit down and watch some of the electric television last night, but this advert didn't appear, so I still have no idea about what you are talking.

Mind you, as Daphne points out, it is Lent (*makes mental note to mention that in church today*) so chocolate adverts are probably banned.

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne and Dave: Now don't you worry... I have a large stash of chocolate and I might generously lend you some..
Sx

Kate Lord Brown said...

Did you hear about the art installation in London a few years ago Scarlet? Entire gallery painted in chocolate - active licking of walls encouraged. Cindy should get out more ;)

Glamourpuss said...

I like the idea of being soiled by an ambassador. Hmmm. That probably sounds more perverse than I meant it to...

Puss