Monday, 16 March 2009

What Happened Next?

I’ve had three proper relationships [this suggests that I’ve had numerous improper relationships]. My first was with the Tears For Fears roadie, way back in 1985 and we are still very good friends. My second was with an ex-public schoolboy called Jason, he was quite posh and his Dad was a bookie. Anyhow, Jason was kind of kinky and he enjoyed role-playing games, for example when we stayed in hotels he liked to pretend he was a hotel inspector; he would carry a notebook around and ask the receptionist pertinent questions about the Corby trouser press, and the laundry service. In the supermarket he would pretend to be the store manager; as I pushed the trolley up and down the aisles of Sainsbury’s he would follow close behind me with a clipboard, examining the sell-by dates on Del Monte peach slices. He also had a fixation with his cutlery drawer. It had to be neatly arranged, with all the forks and spoons neatly stacked on top of each other [I don’t know what he did with the knives]. Anyhow, he would spend hours organising his drawer and then when he’d finished I’d open the drawer and bang it shut, sending his silverware into a messy scatter. ‘Oops!’ I would exclaim. I quite liked Jason and we even got engaged. We did all the usual boyfriend/girlfriend stuff; we signed up for pottery classes; we learnt the meringue and we even drove around Windsor Safari Park in our Ford Sierra Cosworth* and let the chimpanzees sit on our sunroof, but more often than not, we would stay in and watch videos.
I was reminded of Jason on Saturday night because the film The Eyes of Laura Mars was showing on BBC1 and I originally saw most of this film with him. I say most of it because I had recorded it off the telly, but this was back in the day when you had to carefully programme the recorder with start and end times… and I kind of cut off the last ten minutes. We were gutted… Faye Dunaway was all big eyed and fearful, her chest was heaving, her buttons were stressed, and then all of a sudden the Andrex puppy was playfully tangling with toilet paper on a staircase.
So on Saturday night, nearly 20 years later, I tried to stay up to watch the whole film all the way through to find out what happened in the end… but it was on very late… and I fell asleep… but I have a suspicion that it was Tommy Lee Jones wot done ‘em in…???

*She was white, with spoilers - I called her Blossom.

40 comments:

BEAST said...

Blimey a roadie and a cutlery drawer fetishist .
Tell us more about the numerous improper relationships -

Dave said...

Talking about missed endings, you said you had 3 proper relationships...

KAZ said...

Forget about the end of Laura Mars - what about the end of you and Jason?
We want to know?

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Beastie: All in good time...!!!

Dave: Another time!!!

Kaz: Goodness me!!! He was a good lad... I think he's happily married now with three kids, bless 'im!!

Sx

Whirlochre said...

Tears For Fears had one roadie?

As for cutlery drawer fetishists — who better to have in the kitchen with you when armed muggers break into your house?

Armed Muggers: Up against the wall, ordinary looking twentytothirtysomething couple!*
Jason: Pass us the spud peeler, Scarlet.
Scarlet: Here.
Jason: Haaaar! Hyaaaar!
(swishing sounds, gushing blood etc)
Scarlet: Leave the big guy for me
(whips out Songs From The Big Chair and decapitates leader, Odd Job style)


* In synch, of course. If they all say this at once, confusion reigns.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I never got to the end of that film either, Miss Scarlet. It wasn't as frightening as the trailer suggested and it was disappointing to see Fay Dunaway in a nox-sexy role after Bonnie and Clyde. Let that be a lesson to you, little madam.

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Whirly: Ah... I said 'the'.. because I've mentioned this boyfriend before on this blog... but possibly only once or twice!
Armed muggers? We kept a sawn-off shotgun for them. They weren't a problem...

Mr bananas: Goodness me Mr Bananas! Faye Dunaway is always sexy... I'm very surprised at you. I'm going to buy the DVD... I'll lend it to you.

Sx

tony said...

Jason is now the Store Manager at the Sainsbury's in Halifax.Such Is Life........

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Ms. Scarlet,

Like you, I too remember this flick. There are only fragments that I retain; having never seen the movie in its entirety.

Perhaps "The Eyes of Laura Mars" wasn't compelling enough for me to be sufficiently motivated.

I seem to have focused more on the fact that we both never watched it completely, than your relationships with 2 or 3 fellas. I do sense there is a story, so I'm not completly daft (I think is the word).

U

Jimmy Bastard said...

"..and I originally saw most of this film with him. I say most of it because..."

One just has to enquire.. Was you facing the right way up this time around?

I've actually met Jason and his hockey mask. I know exactly what happened to his collection of knives.

scarlet-blue said...

Tony: Hello and Welcome!
And Jason now spends his days carefully crafting pyramids from cans of Campbells Soup...

Mr U: No, you're not completely daft. Unfortunately, I probably am...

Mr Jimmy: And have you finished your Tiddly-Winks competition?
I think I might have purloined all the silverware when I left...

Sx

MJ said...

One wonders what Jason could do with a potato masher.

*waves to Tony*

scarlet-blue said...

MJ: I think I should find Jason and send him to Cafe C... I think he missed his true vocation.
Sx

Glamourpuss said...

I imagine, if you'd married Jason, you would have lost more than the last ten minutes...

Good call.

Puss

eroswings said...

Ah, that's nice you had great relationships and lived to tell about them.

It took me four different viewings before I finally saw all of The Crying Game. Up until the end, I didn't really get why it was such a big deal to see this movie. It seemed so, blah, eh. Before I saw the whole movie, I just thought the lead female had an exotic look. She was exotic all right!

Lulu LaBonne said...

So cruel with the neat cutlery - yet so funny...
Do we get to hear about the third one then or is that the one you let stand in your porch?

Jimmy Bastard said...

God no.. I have plenty more tiddling and winking to be done over the next 24 hours.

xl said...

I didn't see the movie since I found the trailer too scary. I think would have liked Blossom.


Oh Hai MJ!

Madame DeFarge said...

I have never seen this cinematic delight. I prefer the sound of the puppies. But then, I am well known for having no imagination. A heaving Faye Dunaway, with stressed buttons sounds too much like inappropriate excitement.

scarlet-blue said...

Puss: You could be right. He was a little anal.

Mr Swings: Oh, The Crying Game is a great film! Yep, she was exotic alright!

Lulu: No.3 is still in the porch... I water him occasionally.

Mr Jimmy: I'm not surprised with all the pints you've been putting away...

Mr XL: The red MG was a lot more fun ;o)

Madame D: The Eyes of Laura Mars is a great bit of seventies hokum... with lots of scantily clad women running around screaming and being murdered... dated, but amusing! Faye's buttons are always stressed...

Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

I thought the Andrex puppy was the ending.

I feel crushed now.

Emerson Marks said...

Jason would have a bloody fit my round my flat. I only went and found a jar of gherkins stood dormant in the fridge that were 10 months out of date. Or maybe he would enjoy disciplining me for having old food? If I was a girl, obviously. All I know is that I gave them a good sniff and they weren't too clever.

:: Wendy :: said...

Thankyou! I do love romance stories, I look forward to discovering more of the flatware fetishism incidents and the Roadie romance...

scarlet-blue said...

Kev: Crikey! Maybe it was the proper ending... at least the puppy survived.

Mr Marks: I think Jason was only worried about his drawers. I remember drinking from an open can of coke from his fridge... and then I ended up spitting out lots of green stuff.

Wendy: It's weird, that film has jogged lots of memories... and Jason was a character. Obviously 'Jason' wasn't his real name. Thought I'd better change it... but he did have a thing about trouser presses and he had a handyman... and this was when he was in his twenties! Goodness me! I'll shut up now.

Sx

laughingwolf said...

it's been forever since i saw it, so of no use to you about who did what to whom...

Gadjo Dilo said...

"he would follow close behind me with a clipboard, examining the sell-by dates on Del Monte peach slices" It's sublimination: he just wanted to grope your bottom, darling!

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Wolf: I think it was Tommy Lee Jones.. but I'm not 100% sure!!

Gadj: Of course! Now it makes sense!!
Why didn't I think of that? I've been very slow recently...

Sx

PI said...

I hope the third came up to scratch. You deserve better.

Famulus said...

I have seen *most* of 2001: A Space Odyssey at least three times, but not once have I seen the film all the way through. I don't even know which bits I've missed; it's not the sort of film you can follow even if you do see it all in sequence...

I like to keep all my knives tidy. The rest I don't care.

Chris said...

Going back to something 20 years later with a different perspective can leave you a bit flat. I told my wife how scary I thought "Alien" was when I was a kid and we rented it (she had never seen it) and we both laughed at the silliness, but her mostly at my silliness for thinking it was every scary to begin with.

scarlet-blue said...

Pat: Tee Hee!

Fammy: I have tried with Space 2001... but I don't really get on with it... It gives me frown lines...

Chris: Hello and Welcome!
Yes, I know the feeling... time is great for shifting perspective.

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

This is SO uncanny ...
a) I used to know David Bowie's UK roadie, he called himself Ravi but that wasn't his real name either, I think it was Jim.
b) I used to have a white VW Golf with no seats in the back, called Doris.
c) I just LURVE Barbra Streisand.
As Dame Edna would say - SPOOKY!!

mutleythedog said...

OK - I am sorry about the cutlery and that crappy bloody car - and impersonating people - I was arrested in 2001 for impersonation you know...

scarlet-blue said...

Daphne: Uncanny indeed!! We must have been separated at birth... only I can't speak french or tye my own shoe laces...

Mr Mutts: Were you arrested for impersonating the girl on the cheese counter in Sainsbury's...?
I read about that..

Sx

Donn Coppens said...

Oh Oh Oh...It had a great twist at the end. It turns out that her Father (John Huston)impregnated her and she is shot by Police while attempting to flee with her daughter! Jack Nicholson grabs the girl and he is told to forget about it, it's Chinatown!

Kim Carnes song should have been She's got Fay Dunaway Eyes

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Coppens: Was Jack Nicholson the waiter in the scene where Faye is reading aloud from The Three Musketeers... and he brings her a bowl of cherries instead of a corn beef sandwich?
Sx

Donn Coppens said...

YES!!!!
Jack says, "You want the corned beef? You can't HANDLE the corned beef!"

scarlet-blue said...

Mr Coppens: It was a brilliant cinematic moment, wasn't it? - Classic.
Sx

French Fancy said...

I bet Jason got good service in hotels by his pretence though.

Note to self - develop an air of authority and go and buy a clipboard

scarlet-blue said...

French Fancy: Hello and Welcome!
Well, yes, I think he did all this to boost his confidence and it was actually quite good fun!
Sx