Tuesday, 28 April 2009

The Female of The Species

I like cosmetics. Putting on my make-up is something of a soothing ritual. Perhaps it’s because I am a child of the eighties, a time when I created some gorgeous masks for my face. White skin, the reddest lips – almost a Geisha. I also like watching make over shows; Ten Years Younger being one of my favs. It’s the transformations that I love – the big reveal at the end, the gasps and the tears. It’s amazing what an be achieved with a good haircut and a tight wide belt. The other week I watched Coleen Nolan looking into the pros and cons of plastic surgery; she was considering whether she should have some done herself. After looking at all the options available to her she decided against invasive surgery. One thing she did say though, which I related to, was that she couldn’t throw herself into a good argument unless she was wearing a full face of slap. I too will avoid confrontation if my face is naked. I know my eyes will be looking slitty and undefined. I will be aware of a spot on my chin. I will feel like a child instead of a grown woman. I like to look my best if I’m going to have a good row and red lipstick equates with confidence. Simple. For example if my Bank Manager wants to see me regarding the state of my errant finances then I’d like to look well groomed. I’d want to be able to concentrate and smooth his worries away. I won’t want to be sitting on his desk wondering whether my eyebrows need plucking or whether my lashes look stubby. I wouldn’t want him thinking I didn’t invest my money wisely. So, if I’m wearing lip gloss, lash extensions and white lacy knickers then I know that I’m more than likely to get my own way and that I will leave my Bank Manager a happy man. Sigh. Well, they don’t call it war paint for nothing…

48 comments:

xl said...

Are there other situations when no makeup is the perfect look?

Dave said...

If that's all you're wearing, he probably will be quite happy. Or at least distracted from your bank statement.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Scarlet,

For me, a woman wearing makeup is situational. For the most part I have no opinion because what I look at are her eyes and mouth. A woman with beautiful eyes and soft lips is "killer" in my opinion.

She can go formal or jeans, whatever floats her boat.

Makeup may highlight the radiance of a woman's beauty, but it will not define it for me.

Now, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with what you're talking about. This is just residual carryover from the "What is Sexy" discussion from yesterday.

U

MJ said...

I like to use lipstick to paint lips on my hand like this to amuse my friends and family.

Oh Hai XL!

Whirlochre said...

I'd like to slap Gok Wan.

mapstew said...

I'd like to slap him one myself!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr XL: Probably not a good idea to wear make-up whilst swimming the English Channel. A smear of vaseline would probably suffice.

Dave: To distract is to disarm [Ancient Vermilion Proverb].

Mr U: Hmmm... What is sexy? I think the answer to this is down to the individual. Sometimes it can be the way someone walks or even the way they pass the salt. I think sexiness it's indefinable.

MJ: Ah, you're talking about hand jobs?

Mr Whirly: Gok is very hands on isn't he? I wasn't keen when he hosed down a group of women in a swimming pool. I went off him then.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Maps: You snuck in there!
And you have a new pic!
Sounds like a new programme in the pipeline then - 'Gok's Happy Slap'

Sx

xl said...

@ MJ's "amuse my friends and family." That might distract them from the 5 o'clock shadow!

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Scarlet,

You are correct. there is so much that can be communicated without ever uttering a word.I didn't mean to imply a beginning and ending definition. I was speaking of a woman's face; how her eyes and lips speak to me.

U

Scarlet-Blue said...

MrU: Yes, bless you, I know. ;o) I was meandering on the theme!

Mr XL: I shall let Mistress MJ reply to that one...

Sx

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Scarlet,

Ahh bless me Scarlet. I am slow and therefore in need of absolution.

It is my crown of thorns.

You see now why I said, "I missed you?"

U

BEAST said...

I now have a horrible vision of Miss MJ making the 'kissey kissey' hand.
***shakes head sagely at the silyness of girls***
Tsk Tsk

Misssy M said...

2 things: i feel sorry for blokes that they can't wear the stuff- they look the way they look that morning- a hideous situation.

Point 2: Both my sister in law and my sister told me that they never wear foundation. Only this weekend. I was incredulous. Still, maybe that's why I look better than both of them...;)

KAZ said...

I have never looked at anyone (unless I sleep with them) without wearing my mascara since I was 15 years old.
On my wedding day I wore 3 pairs of false eyelashes....well it was then not now.

Madame DeFarge said...

I just can't do make-up at all. I'm too pale and would have to wear everything if I wore something. I wore it at uni and was ribbed mercilessly. Put me right off. However, my lips are red enough and never need lipstick. For which I am entirely grateful.

librarylizzie said...

Oh Scarls...one of my most favourite songs ever:

*..how can heaven hold a place for me when a girl like you has cast her spell on me....*

Anyway, I thought we were going to get a shot of the inside of your make up bag....go on...give us a flash...

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr U: I think you need a relaxing massage...

Mr Beastie: You can talk... I have a vision of a banana bum burnt into my brain. It's not pleasant.

Misssy: Point 2!!! Yep, I never know quite how to respond when someone tells me they don't wear foundation. I smile.

Kaz: Same here! I don't feel right without mascara. Have you tried a lash primer? It makes your lashes thicker and longer before you apply the mascara. I thought it was a gimmick before I tried it... brilliant for nights out, a bit over the top for day wear.

Madame D: I sometimes bite my lips to make them red... sucking a red lolly also helps. Then coat with Lipsyl... this is a credit cruching tip for those of us who need a little help.

Lizzie: I first heard this tune on an Impulse ad; very good ad as it goes. Great tune.
Ha ha...!!! I have an industrial looking case for cosmetics and another case for hair products...
Yep, one day...

Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

Wearing full slap is a bad idea for a lad if he's visiting a rough pub in Radford.

Watching a woman put her slap on in the morning is oen of those important intimate moments.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Black Jacks are great for turning your tongue dark green.

Eryl Shields said...

I have summer make-up and winter make-up: summer make-up is a tan (often in the form of tinted moisturiser), lip gloss and half a ton of kohl and mascara, winter make-up is everything. Without blackened eyes I look like someone's punched me.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my dissertation supervisor, so it will be full face ahead.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I've given up with mascara, despite buying magic wands that promise to be everything-proof I always end up looking like a refugee from Kiss.

I adore the way these makeover shows promise empowerment through humiliation.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Fortunately we male gorillas are so butch that we can wear as much make-up as we like without looking effeminate. Miss Scarlet, you little Geisha! When are you going to walk on my back?

eroswings said...

Wearing war paint? No wonder Ms Piggy was always on the attack!

Make up is an art form; and some are truly masters; others are just monsters!

The face is a great canvass. Create away, oh stunning one!

Sarah said...

Buckets of mascara, khol, (that always gets them), though i suspect i'm now too old to go the whole hog, so i tend to just put it half way! and always a small tin of vaseline in the back pocket to keep those lips looking juicy....useful for other stuff to...

PI said...

Not surprisingly I'm with you 100% - although it was always a puzzlement when my ex would get all steamed up when I was devoid of slap and looking as if I had been pulled through a hedge backwards.

Dave said...

I have no need of cosmetics to improve my stunning rugged good looks.

So my dog told me, anyway.

Dave said...

Sarah uses khol? The Indian musical instrument?

Oh, kohl. Soot. Hmmm.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kev: I'm very private with my 'slap ritual'... I need to concentrate and at least black jacks don't turn your water a funny colour.

Eryl: Good luck with your meeting!
I also have a toned down face in summer... In winter I get away with more because it's so dark...

Lulu: Have you been rubbing your eyes??? My eye liner usually goes pretty smudgy.
I do sometimes wonder about these shows... I don't like the beginning of 10 Years Younger - where the public get to say mean things about the victim. That's a bit of a gimmick and unpleasant. But the transformations give me hope. And I am very vain!

Mr Bananas: When are you going to give me a tour of the Jungle and did you ever meet Anita Roddick?

Mr Swings: Miss Piggy is an icon... I learnt a lot from her... She could have beaten Madonna at her own game.

Sarah: Indeed! Vaseline is always good for dry lips...

Pat: A very good point! I always feel nonplussed when I'm jumped on and I'm not at my best... though it doesn't happen so much these days... sniff...

Dave: Did you ever try wearing make-up in the eighties... you know, when you were bopping along to Duran Duran and Sir Cliff?

Sx

Ponita in Real Life said...

Now that pig has panache!

I only wear mascara, and even that is a pain in the ass, so I often just have my lashes tinted. Otherwise you can't see them at all.

Have never done the whole face routine (just not my 'style') and my skin is quite finicky so don't want to get it all riled up.

Oh, but I do often wear lip colour. Usually some shade of pink... reds are very trashy on me.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ponita: My skin plays up when I'm stressed. It's just about easing up now... though my back is still itchy.
Red lipstick is trashy on us all, Tee Hee!
Sx

EmmaK said...

I favour the no make up look: sun kissed cheeks, smoky eyes ...takes a long time to achieve. I'm wondering if I should have those eyelash extensions because mascara always runs down my cheeks. What is your opinion of them?

BEAST said...

As Mr c has pointed out Miss Scarlet , Miss Piggy will orgasm for 30 minutes.....what a woman

Scarlet-Blue said...

Emma: To tell the truth I haven't used lash extensions... a little creative licence was used in this post! But as I said to Kaz, try a good lash primer before using mascara [I do use an Estee Lauder one], this seems to work very well for me.

Mr beastie: Ha Ha! Well as I said, Miss Piggy is an icon and a woman to aspire to.
30 mins of orgasm eh? Blimey...

Sx

Leigh Russell said...

White lacy knickers as war paint. Hmmm. Could work. Have you put your proposal to the MoD?

CyberPete said...

Make up - YES!
Invasive surgeory - YES!
Botox - YES!

I'd do it all in a heartbeat.

Long live Esteé Lauder

Gadjo Dilo said...

"red lipstick equates with confidence"... if only you'd told be this 30 years ago I could have made a success of my life during the 80s!

Dave said...

Except for my appearances on the stage, I have never worn any make-up. Neither (to the best of my knowledge) have I ever bopped.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Russell: Hello and Welcome! Well, white lacy knickers are part of my armoury and yes I do work for the MOD. I'm not suppose to say that am I?

Pete: I don't think I could do the surgery! Or Botox... so I get busy with Boots no 7 [the big news item yesterday] and buckets of slap.

Gadj: Crikey Gadj, You nearly made me pass out... the eighties was only 20 years ago, wasn't it? Don't age me another ten years... Jeez, I nearly had a panic attack...

Dave: Yeah right, I'm sure you bopped along infront of TOTPs... and got a bit fruity when Tina Charles was doing her thing???

Sx

Dave said...

Who was Tina Charles?

What was her thing?

DCMCMLVII said...

Spot on!
We men are visual creatures and our tiny reptilian brains are easily confused by some war paint and a little cleavage..dammit!

Why doesn't some dude (with more degress than a thermometer) invent some goggles that can expose the real image of a woman?

Why NOT? The Beer-Goggles work like a charm.

CyberPete said...

I don't want to end up looking like Pete Burns as I'm sure you wouldn't want to end up with Poshs dodgy boobs. I do believe that there are surgeons out there who are very good at what they do.

There are things one should never get fixed. One is the nose.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Dave: Here is Tina Charles.
.
Enjoy!

Mr Coppens: [Apologies I'm no good a Roman numerals.. or any numerals come to that..]
One day we will meet and we will flirt...

Pete: My knees may be wonky, my ears may stick out.. but I do have a nice nose.

Sx

...love Maegan said...

I totally prefer the makeup ...but husband informed me last night that it's better bare ....um, yeah right.

Gadjo Dilo said...

The start of the 80s was (almost) 30 years ago, Scarlet! (If you'd told me this secret precisely 20 years ago then I'd only have precisely 8 months of the 80s left in which to be a success, which wouldn't be much time at all. See?)

Dave said...

Ah. Still never heard of her. I'm not up on modern popular musicians. Is she one of the Spice Girls?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Maegan: Hello love! Men! They can never really tell if you're wearing make up or not.

Gadj: Well... hmmm... my maths is rubbish... mutter, mutter *shambles off feeling old*

Dave: Tina would have made a fab Spice Girl. She was probably their role model.

Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I have been to Helena Rubinstein's birthplace in Krakow. I left a posy on the doorstep in gratitude. I wear Estee Lauder's Maximum Cover no.5 in winter and no.7 in summer. The difference is barely noticeable but a girl must look her best in all seasons.