Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Predictions

.

I have been asked to reprise my role as Madame Ga Ga at my Auntie Avril's village fete. I was something of an unlikely success last year. Originally I had planned to gaze into a crystal ball but then I got my mitts on a pack of Tarot cards. I'm not really very good. I tell people that my readings are only for fun and entertainment. I cannot predict the future. Even though I emphasise this, and I really do stress that I don't know what I'm talking about, complete strangers still tell me that I'm spot on... and then they tell me intimate details about themselves. Financial woes and bedroom antics. Accidents and mishaps. It's very humbling.
Anyhow, I need to practice; generally I make it up as I go along and use the cards as prompts, I don't even do a proper spread cos this would take too long. I do a simple three card spread: Past, Present, Future... well, I was wondering if anyone would like a cyber-reading? I will sit by candle light and focus on your avatar, perhaps I will stroke it gently or press my nose against it, then I'd get it into my mind's eye and feel your vibe etc [that sort of stuff] and do a reading.
Obviously I wouldn't read your blog from post to post to gain the necessary insight... that would be silly...

64 comments:

Geoff said...

Is somebody going to meet a tall, dark, handsome strangler?

Dave said...

If you stroke my avatar gently, I can fortell what will happen.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Geoff: Have I missed the opportunity for a good Stranglers tune?!!

Dave: I do all sorts with your avatar when you're not looking...

Sx

xl said...

Do me!

The Dotterel said...

Well, I'm game if you are, SB! (In the interests of empirical research, clearly...)

mago said...

Oh yes, please!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Don't press your nose too close to my avatar Scarlet, it was curry for lunch, and I had three helpings.

I see my own immediate future as windswept and interesting.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr XL, Mr Dotts, Mr Mags: I shall put aside a future post for your readings [possibly the next post]. If you get an eerie feeling over the next couple of days then it's only me stroking you gently.

Mr Jimmy: Possibly wild, windswept and interesting... are you going on a camping holiday?

Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

Last time I had my Tarot read I was going to meet Mister Bun the baker, win £100 in a beauty contest and get fourpence off a tube of Colgate toothpaste.

Ponita in Real Life said...

So why is it that all the commentors so far are male???? lol

They just want to be stroked and pressed upon by the lovely you, Scarlet. ;-)

You can do what you want with my avatar, and if you come up with anything of interest, do let me know. My future is quite uncertain at the moment... not that I won't have one, but what it will be, that is. :-)

MJ said...

You are welcome to have your way with my avatar.


wv: exaeted...
Oh yes, I AM!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kev: Were you using the Happy Families deck? I suppose this could work...

Ponita: I will have a go... I think I have a lot of avatar nuzzling to do...

MJ: I visualise plenty of posts in the future...

Sx

fairyhedgehog said...

Do NOT stroke my avatar! You'll end up with a handful of prickles.

Seriously, all tarot reading is making it up and for entertainment purposes only, in my view. I was into tarot cards at one time because I love the pictures and you can make up such cool stories with them. I lost interest because everyone else takes it too seriously.

I think you have enough people to read for now but if you're still desperate for marks, sorry I mean clients, feel free to use me.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Fairyhedgehog: Well yes, people do get too serious about the Tarot... but then again sometimes it can be a bit spooky...!

Sx

B-u-x said...

Gawd blessus....the queue for the tarot is longer than a festival toilet queue. I could always predict a few things myself...the first prediction would be that I need glasses because I mis-read your post and thought you had done an impersonation of LADY ga ga at last year's event!

Sarah said...

Oh yes pleeeese...though I suspect I am brain numbingly transparent

Betty said...

I don't have an avatar and don't want to know what the future holds, but I think you should go to the village fete as Lady Ga Ga instead. That would upset a few apple carts.

mapstew said...

I predict a riot!
(All the other stalls and tents will be empty!)

Scarlet-Blue said...

Bux: Hello and Welcome! Yes... I do seem to have my work cut out...!

Sarah: I shall put you on the list...

Betty: I will perhaps think about wearing my Lady Ga Ga to the fete... Distract and disarm is my new motto..

Mr Maps: Funny you should say that cos that's a bit like how it got last year. I was the last tent to be able to pack away...

Sx

Ava said...

I'm joining the line. I'm in desperate need of a foretelling. I'll wait patiently.

savannah said...

me, too...please, ma'am xoxox

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ava: Erm... I will do my best!

Savvy: Be warned I am not very good at it...

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

I believe I have opened my own Pandora's box...
Sx

PI said...

I for one would be delighted if you read my posts from beginning to end.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Do lots of eye-rolling. Can we have photos of your outfit Scarls?

BEAST said...

Keep you hands to yourself you saucy minx .
You may ponder my avatar from a respectful distance .

Famulus said...

Ow, ow, ow, do me, do me.

Will I be rich and famous if I ever grow up?

Mrs Pouncer said...

Just the briefest glance at my breathtaking avatar will tell you all you need to know about my sumptuous future. A gifted man once told me I had it all before me, and I certainly did. And not for the first time, may I add. Sometimes, I have had it all behind me, and on one occasion I was beside myself. I would be surprised if you can expand on this, Scarla, with your myopia.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Clarissa, if you really did have it all before you he must have been gifted!

Whirlochre said...

Tarot cards contain an assemblage of spectacular archetypes and anyone with an ounce of imagination could spin the wildest stories using them.

Just watch out for lascivious gents offering to cross your palm with silver.

writtenwyrdd said...

Funny, I used to do professional card readings and you describe my method exactly! :)

Eryl Shields said...

I am sorely tempted to join the queue but also a little afraid, X

KAZ said...

I'll join the eager beavers.
Not my avatar - it isn't me - but you could try my hangover haircut pic.

Madame DeFarge said...

My avatar may melt under your withering gaze, so I may duck out. I suspect that my past is more interesting than my future, so if you could explain why I met so many unsuitable men, then I (and my mother (and hope your's is well)) would be very grateful.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Erm... I have been out on the sauce. I will reply in the morning... if I find my glasses...
Sx

Dave said...

Can I make it clear that I am biting my tongue, and not making any comment about Kaz's eager beaver.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Pat: I forsee that you are a writer of huge potential and after the novel is published you will be commissioned to write a piece for The Good Food Guide. A waitress wearing a polyester blouse, features.

Lulu: Spooky! I was discussing my outfit with my Aunt last night. We were also discussing whether we could get a celeb to open the fete. Heather Mills featured.

Mr Beastie: At least you are dressed in your avatar and you are not doing weird things with a bunch of bananas. In 2011 you will have your own fruit and veg stall.

Fammy: In a word, no. But you will be adopted... and I forsee a long journey. And something to do with a rugby shirt.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mrs P: Indeed, you do have it all over you. You are surrounded by it. It is everywhere.
I suggest a very good box of tissues or possibly a towel.

Kev: Most men become gifted in Mrs P's presence. It's a sight to behold.

Mr Whirly: Spot on, Mr Whirly! It's funny though, I've never thought of charging; obviously I'm missing a trick.

Writtenwrryd: Oh my! You're going to find out how bad at this I really am!!!

Eryl: Absolutely nothing to be afraid of! I forsee you giving up something in June... something you've been wanting to walk away from for sometime... oh... the vision is fading...

Kaz: Something wonderful is coming into your life... a decision to be made... yey, I will do you a proper reading...

Madame D: The most interesting men are always unsuitable. Sigh. I didn't look at the cards to answer that one!
And Mums can usually spot them a mile off [unfortuanately!]. My Mum is coming along nicely and waiting to hear about the radiography.

Dave: I don't think Kaz would like you fantasising about her eager beaver. Goodness me Dave, this is a clean family blog, you should be ashamed...

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Interesting spelling of 'unfortunately'...
Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

One should always pay heed to the fortune teller. Many years ago Madame Chapeau (for it was she) read my cards, as I wanted to know about a gentleman with whom I had dallied the night before.

"Nah, he's nothing, forget about him." she said, chewing on her cheroot.

Reader, I married him.

I really should have paid more heed.

Borah said...

Sound wicked: you make up a little tale and you get back a compliment and the story of someone's life, with intimate details! Sounds like it's better entertainment than HEAT!

Borah said...

by the way: I'd love to hear what supernatural message you can read in my avatar!

Lulu LaBonne said...

So you were out on the sauce discussing your outfit - Did you agree to do the old nipple tassle/ferret/banjo routine from the old days?

EmmaK said...

Am I going to become a best selling author and live a life of Riley?

jekandhyd said...

Can you please tell us whether we will ever be one again?

Dr J and Mr H

Scarlet-Blue said...

Daphne: Well, what can I say! The proof is in the pudding!
And where did the phrase 'The proof is in the pudding' come from? Did someone hide something in a pudding at some point in history? Is it to do with alcohol content? Sorry I appear to be rambling...

Borah: Hello borah, yep, I'm a sucker for a compliment and from your avatar I can tell that you're young, bright and brainy. We shall see what the Mythic Tarot have to say...

Lulu: Oh those were the days... Damn ferret made it big in Hollywood. I will have to rely on the nipple tassles and pray it's a warm day.

Emma: Yes, you are! And you're already living the life of Riley...

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Jekandhyd: Hello and Welcome! You may prefer to stay as you are. Think about it... you're never lonely... but I will consult the cards.
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Scarlet, you disgust me to the very pits of my soul. As you well know, I currently lead the sort of life a nun would be proud of. I am hoping you will tell me that this is a transient thing.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mrs P: I've nuzzled my nose against your avatar [made a nasty smear on my screen] and I have picked three cards...spooky... a knight is on his way...
Sx

Wow, that was awkward said...

Oh, do me!!

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet . I am trying to imagine Mrs P as a Nun . I will only accept such a ghastly excistence for a National Treasure like Mrs P if you assure me the habit would be loveingly created by the likes of valentino or prehaps 'old chewed toffee' herself Donatella Versace(I thought she was very good in the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles incedentally) and the sensible shoes would be Gucci at the very least. Otherwise I am afraid I will be having Nun of that (Gedddittt?!??!?!??)
.Oh I say wv: backend
How rude!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Over here people read coffee grounds, but they were so skint that they used to have to boil up the same grounds time and time again. So when you got your fortune told it was at least consistent with the previous 5 readings.

Chairman Bill said...

I think you should know that the world will come to an end somewhere in September 2009, around the 20th, I should think. I felt I should warn you that it may be necessary for you to change your E-mail address when it happens - things may be a little disturbed for a while, you see. But the most important thing is that we all keep in touch, isn't it? So watch this space for my prophecies on various matters. Tibitulum is in the Sign of the Tongs at the moment - not too good for Grocers or Lady Florists - but it will soon be moving on to an Injunction with Jupiter, when things should hot up quite a lot, and be rather worse for Lighthouse-keepers, among many others. Annual male sporting events will be disrupted for a while, and those who partake in the familiar male pursuits of Olympic Burping, Marathon Crotch Adjusting, and the Dilapidated Underwear Pageant should make alternative arrangements.

Dave said...

Please do not visit my blog today, young lady. The level of double entendre you would undoubtedly feel it necessary to stoop to would shock my sensitive readership.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Awkward: Christ I'm going to be busy 'doing' everyone. I just wonder how 'done' everyone wants to be?

Gadj: Yes... that sounds a little incestuous.
I always wanted to read tea leaves, but it's messy getting them out of the soggy hot bag.

Mr Chairman: It's when the lighthouse keeper shines his torch up Uranus that you really have to worry.

Dave: Pfffftttt... I have left possibly the most sensible comment that you're going to get today, on your blog.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

MR BEASTIE: Apologies!!
Now, I know you have a bit of a thing for Nuns.. it's the way they float across the ground isn't it? I think Mrs P is trying to tempt you; look at the come hither expression in her eyes.
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

What knight? And what night? Oh wait, it's not Kev in his Agincourt reinactment outfit, is it? Pass the DW40 hemhem.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mrs P: Whoever he is he is young and sensible. I know the young part may appeal... but I'm not sure you fancy sensible?
It's probably Emerson....
Sx

Wow, that was awkward said...

Do me like there is no tomorrow!

Lulu LaBonne said...

Scarlet you have a queue going round the block - for God's sake do Mr Awkward

Wow, that was awkward said...

Yah, listen to Lulu!!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Awkwardx2 and Lulu: Errrr.... I will sort out this ever growing queue at the weekend... I don't know... ask a silly question...
Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

Miss Scarlet, I want you to gaze into my crystal ball and tell me what you see.

Borah said...

Spot on!

I wonder whether tarot has anything to add to that!