Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Tough, But Gentle Too...



I have often wondered what it would be like to be a mum. According to Persil being a mum involves doing a lot of laundry and not being able to afford pretty hats. Their latest ad features Marion, a single mother of two sons and five daughters. Marion has just been mugged for the last packet of Birds Eye fish fingers and is now lying prostrate down the washing powder aisle in Asda; her whole life is flickering before her like a series of old TV commercials. The five daughters never needed much care, they never got grubby; they were all born with an innate understanding of the extra spin cycle and how to handle excessive foam. It was in their jeans. The daughters were neatly washed and scrubbed and dispensed into the world shortly after their fourteenth birthdays. The two sons, now 45 and 48 respectively, still live at home with their mum. Neither has the ability to set foot outside the house without becoming plastered in mud, mustard, banana, Bacardi, lipstick or baby oil. And, even though both became quantum physicists, neither have ever mastered the art of how to pour Persil. Indeed, the laundry room has always been out of bounds. It is their mother’s secret private place where they must never venture, curiosity has left them scolded. Marion is tough but gentle and knows where, and how, to seek Comfort. Sometimes late at night they hear the rumbling of the much loved washing machine accompanied by their mother’s squeals of delight as she deals with stain after stain after stain, whilst straddling the spin drier.
Regaining consciousness, Marion smiles to herself… to hell with pretty hats.... the rewards of motherhood come thick and fast.

66 comments:

Scarlet-Blue said...

Yes.. I am still working on the Tarot card readings...
SXX

Emerson Marks said...

I've not bought Persil for some years. I buy Dax in bulk, which incidently used to have an ad with Danny Baker, who's 606 football show that broadcasts on Tuesday evening, I'm listening to on i-player right now. Also, I appear to have pulled my groin/thigh doing sit ups.

Dave said...

If you really want to know what it's like to be a mum, you're welcome to come round here to do my washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning...

Lulu LaBonne said...

I have yet to meet one of these mythique 'mum' creatures. All the women that I know leave their children (including the tall male ones) to run around in their snot and ketchup stains until they are inclined to wash their own stuff.

I've got Washing Balls

MJ said...

being a mum involves doing a lot of laundry and not being able to afford pretty hats.

Nor SHOES!

Take your pill, Miss Scarlet.

Although I’ve always thought a little gay boy would be nice.

Ava said...

I'm with LuLu -- at least I HOPE mums like this don't exist.

My goal is to never change a diaper or wipe someone else's snot off my clothing.

MJ said...

I've NEVER felt broody although should it ever happen I would just pop my tit in someone's mouth 'til the feeling passed.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Marks: Erm.. I think you might be referring to 'Daz'... the Daz Doorstep Challenge also featured Shane Ritchie.
Stop doing sit-ups.

Dave: It's okay... I'm fine... I have my on spin cycle to deal with.

Lulu: I have a problem with washing balls.

MJ: ...or perhaps a well trained Border Collie in a pinny?

Ava: Same here... I would make a dreadful mother in any case... I would keep my savings to myself.

MJ: This is very good advice which I also adhere too.

Sx

MJ said...

Let's pretend BEAST is our baby and put nappies on him.

Famulus said...

You're good at this. I can never quite see that deep into the advert. I must be missing something.

Did someone mention tits?

Scarlet-Blue said...

MJ: And is there a pic with Mr Beastie in his nappy? Does it have spangles and fringing, and does it have somewhere where he can stick his love mitten?

Fammy: I believe tits were mentioned in relation to suckling.
Do you want more tits?

Questions, questions, questions... perhaps I should consult the cards...

Sx

Famulus said...

Scarls: Do I want more tits? What sort of question is that? And don't go off and start passing photos of man boobs or small birds around. Tut.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Here in The States we don't have such interesting detergent ads. I am a mother of five and my preferred brand was Tide With Bleach. But all my kids were taught to do their own laundry around age 12. Am I bad?

Emerson Marks said...

Did I say Dax? Yes, Daz - that's it. No sit ups tonight, I'm watching Barcelona on hooky TV.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Fammy: It was a direct one night only offer. Two for the price of one. Sigh. You seem to have missed it.

Elizabeth: Hello there! My mum used to let me help with the laundry. The machine would fly across the kitchen floor during the spin cycle, so she used to sit me on top of it....

Mr Marks: And what is Barcelona doing? Has it moved at all since you began watching it? Have British tourists invaded?
It's good that you have a TV that you can hang your clothes on.

Sx

Famulus said...

Scarls: Story of my bloody life. Humph...

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'd entirely forgotten the wretched nit who spent a whole advert whining "awww... mum!" until this compilation turned up the other night on the wireless with pictures.

I've finally exhausted my six year's supply of Persil (single male household got giddy in discount warehouse and over-estimated slightly).

Scarlet-Blue said...

Fammy: They'll be more offers - you just have to look out for them!

Kev: I reckon you won the 6 years supply of Persil in a caption competition..
Anyhow, according to the ad, only mums use Persil. I'm a Fairy girl myself.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

And Emerson.... are you hung over again?
Sx

Eryl Shields said...

The great thing about being a mum is that your child eventually grows up into the sort of chap that takes you out to dinner, and buys you particularly stylish and useful birthday presents; though not if you use Persil, apparently. I use Ecover because it doesn't have an invasive smell, maybe that's the secret. That, and pies.

mapstew said...

My lovely wife is the perfect Mum.

She leaves it all to me.

Grump said...

Scarlet you harlot what a saucy time is being had down in the laundry. I have oft wondered at the mysteries of the forbidden room known as the laundry. I will listen for squeals of delight as I pass by the door.
Grump x

the projectivist said...

Mme Scarlet i am in desperate need of a reading! might i step into your tented enclosure and have you guide me with your card skillz?

i'm needing news from the spirit world about my love life.

xl said...

Now that the electricity is properly restored, I trust that the extended spin cycles are a great relief.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Fammy has a standing offer of tits but can't afford the air fare.

Your adverts are soooo much more entertaining than the drivel we get here on the telly. I think if I moved there, I would watch way more tv.

mago said...

I could not tell the name of the powder - or is it a liquid? - that is used here in the washing machine ...Is it good that these stains come hard and fast? Shouldn't it take a little more time?

CyberPete said...

Dirdy!

Gadjo Dilo said...

I was with this all the way until about 3/4 of in when Vinnie Jones turns up to make his debut acting appearance. "Tough but Gentle"?

Chairman Bill said...

You seem to have described quantum physicists down to a tee.

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

I have three daughters who all do laundry. Yet it is never done. They may in fact find me someday buried under a pile of the horrid stuff dead as a door nail. But I will, I promise you be wearing a pretty hat. Hats and stylish shoes before laundry. Always. After all it my job as a mom to teach my girls priorities.

KAZ said...

Things haven't changed much in 100 years have they?
Except that straddling a washboard couldn't have been very stimulating.

Dave said...

I really don't feel very well today. I could do with someone to mother me.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Eryl: I have noticed that the smell of fabric conditioner is getting stronger and is becoming more invasive than perfume or aftershave. The culprit is Comfort concentrate. People, take note - less is more.
Anyhow, yes I think it's the pies!

Mr Maps: Hmmm... I bet she is pleased when she has an extra load.

Mr Grump: Never walk in on a woman when she is laundering!

Ms Project: Hello and Welcome!
I shall add you to the list.. I really need to get my finger out on these readings!

Mr XL: I was having to do it all by hand...

Ponita: Well you will have to come and stay! And pick up Fammy on the way...

Mr Mags: Are you a fan of the easy care wool cycle?

Pete: But also clean...

Gadj: Vinnie Jones? Hmmm... tough but tough. He was more interested in Gazza's balls than washing balls. Big boys do cry.

Mr Chairman: Quantum physicists - all theory, no practice. And they're supposed to know what to do with their particles.

Beverly: It's good to hear that priorities are being taught somewhere! But remember to tell them about the extra spin cycle...

Kaz: Sadly no, things haven't really changed. I think that's how Persil wants it. Although I'm sure Dads would love to do the laundry too.
Where is my mangle...?

Dave: Okay then, where shall I start? I'm quite good on grass stains. I've had to be.

Sx

Whirlochre said...

It was all so much easier when washing powder (whichever brand) came in the form of dandruff-like flakes.

Now we have compact tablets, it's all too easy to flood the kitchen with foam by mistaking them for their dishwasher equivalen, or infect your verucca trying to sand it down.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Scarls - I don't actually use the washing balls for washing, they're for throwing at people who think I'm going to do their laundry...

BTW followed a link on Gadjo's site - is it true about you being ginger?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Whirly: May I suggest liguid tabs? I don't really like thinking about veruccas - infected or otherwise[most unpleasant when teamed with sling backs - as are corns].
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Lulu: You obviously know how to handle a fast ball.
Anyhow, AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! No, I am not ginger. This was a terrible accusation hurled at me by pomme frite Pouncer...
Sx

having my cake said...

Im a Fairy mum and, sadly, my children only comment on the laundry when it has not mysteriously reappeared clean and pressed in their drawers after they cast it onto the floor two days previously :(

savannah said...

i did the laundry, the MITM did the laundry, the coconut krewe did the laundry, i mean, sugar, six people in one house? everyone had to help out! xoxox

(btw, i love the backstories you concoct for these adverts!)

Kevin Musgrove said...

Do you know, there's no videos of Derek Guyler playing the washboard on YouTube. What an arid desert of culture.

(word ver: gnallabs - a bit near the knuckle in the circumstances!)

Madame DeFarge said...

My, everyone seems to have said it already. I am shamed into silence. I shall go off and wring my hands in an orgy of ritual cleansing and hang myself out to dry.

mutleythedog said...

Sexism is all pervasive and you are right to use your womanly wiles to mock it!

BEAST said...

What with the fast spin on the washing machine and the dyson Vacuum Screamer attachement ...
You girls have never had it so good

Why is Miss MJ lurking about with a bottle of Johnsons baby lotion and a nappy and giving me come hither glances??

Whirlochre said...

Liquid tabs?

But if I fertilise my washing machine with those, surely I'll be overrun by android babies???

laughingwolf said...

no 'persil' on this side of the pond, we have other atrocities ;) lol

MJ said...

Those aren't come hither glances, Beast.

You have a rash on your botty.

Ivan T'yorblahd said...

Moms do all that laundry so that they can go downstairs to escape the discordant dissonance of those bloody little monsters, sneak a ciggie, and straddle the spin cycle...
((aaaaah))

Dave said...

Soap and water is still the best.

Especially for washing the mouths of young ladies who go around people's blogs leaving rudity.

Dave said...

That wasn't a typo. I did mean rudity, not nudity.

You're always welcome to leave nudity lying around.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ms Cakes: Sadly I think I was a child such as this. I know better now. I didn't really ever fancy having a mini-me for this reason!

Savvy: You always sounds well organised and in control of a happy household.
;o)

Kev: I shall have a hunt for you. There are places other than Youtube.

Madame D: Are you fond of your spin cycle?

Mr Mutts: Indeed!! I don't have a big arsenal but I will use it to the best of my ability.

Mr Beastie: Either Mistress MJ is having a funny moment, or she wants you to do her Spring cleaning?

Mr Whirly: I can't really imagine what you do with your washing machine. It's all rather worrying. Just don't get caught in the dispenser drawer.

Mr Wolfie: Do the atrocities work?

MJ: I think Mr Beastie is allergic to banana... hence the rash on his botty.

Dave: x2 I see the drugs are taking effect...

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Ivor Taylor: Apologies! I missed you!
Women have never had it so good!
Sx

EmmaK said...

I am not your typical mum. I have a confession to make: I DO NOT SEPARATE COLORS AND WHITES. I don't care if I get my whites white for a price that's right. I have many grey socks and t-shirts. I know its essentially wrong but I find it hard to give a shit.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Emma: My goodness!! Well, I suppose this saves water...
I've bought laundry whitener on occasion...*hangs head in shame*...
Sx

xl said...

"SEPARATE COLORS AND WHITES"

Uh, are we suppose to?

Kevin Musgrove said...

"Whites?"

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr XL and Kev: I am distraught... I honestly do have a thing about my whites staying white.
Come back EmmaK and... and... and, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN... SEPARATE YOUR WASHES....
and breathe....
Sx

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I live opposite a launderette, so close that I can monitor the spin cycle from my kitchen balcony. It is like a living Edward Hopper painting at night. I'm still waiting for the Levis 501 guy to come in though.

Dave said...

I have a badl;y-stained sweatshirt. Can you come and giv eme a hand with it? How do you get cement out of cottons?

CyberPete said...

You are good at the dirty but clean stuff. It's a refreshing change from MJs filth emporium.

Someone should give her a good spin cycle with some of that white stuff

Scarlet-Blue said...

Daphne: We're all still waiting for the Levi's 501 bloke!

Dave: To get cement out of cotton you have to beat it with a hammer. I hope this helps.

Pete: I have a hunch that MJ knows everything there is to know about the spin cycle and frothy white stuff.

Sx

Crabbers said...

My "own" mother having abandoned me very early, I have of to make my washing(washing powder) only for the age of 8 years, when I had toddlers as usual, I continued under eyes stunned by my lady-love .Suis-je normal???

Ah! I do not carry a hat: (

mutleythedog said...

Always carry a hat Crabbers!

Dave said...

Do I need to take it off before I start beating it with a hammer?

Kate Lord Brown said...

My mother had a Siamese cat who was very partial to the spin cycle (he would sit there cross eyed til the dying moments) but as a slummy rather than yummy mummy there is life beyond the washing machine ...

~Static~ said...

It was in their genes, you mean?

Those boys need to move out of their mother's home and get their own lives...with women to replace their mother. Women who can continue to cook for them, and clean the skid marks off their underwear.

Maybe the sisters are up to that task?

Or these pathetic excuses for men can starve, and never have clean clothes again, for all I care.

p.s. that's my big sucky kiss! and possibly a nibblet or two as well.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Crabbers: You are deprived of pretty hats! But it's nice to know that you take your laundry responsibilities seriously.
Vous êtes privé de jolis chapeaux! Mais il est bon de savoir que vous prenez vos responsabilités au sérieux blanchisserie.

Mr Mutts: Indeed! Then at least you have somewhere to store the extra pork pie.

Dave: Probably best... unless you're a bit kinky that way...

Kate: Siamese cats are very clever! And washing machines get rather warm.
Like beyond laundry? Life scrubbing floors and ironing socks?

Static: Hopefully they will leave home soon and buy their mother lots of pretty hats.
Sucky kiss back!

Sx