Wednesday, 24 June 2009

I can't sleep. I am really mad at someone and I am stewing. Quite frankly I want to give them a piece of my mind and throw crockery at a wall - that kind of thing. Sigh. It's not going to happen, I'm going to rise above it cos I am a grown up. An adult.
Anyhow, because I am hoping to move soon [I'm under offer!!], I've been sorting through my old junk and I found an old diary of mine from when I was about nine. I certainly knew how to deal with people I was mad at back then. The following is a relevant extract:-
J**** J****** is a big fat snob who thinks she rules the school her head is full of water she likes the Osmonds and she is smelly.
So, person I'm mad at, YOUR HEAD IS FULL OF WATER AND YOU ARE SMELLY, so there.
I feel better now.

For those of you who would like to continue the Kent bashing thread from the previous comments box, here is a map. [Perhaps we could do Sussex next week?]


For those of you who would just like to listen to a tune that has no connection to the rest of this post, here is a tune:-



So there you go... I will try to get some sleep now. I will wake up in the morning and this will probably be the first post I've ever deleted...
*wanders off to have a fag before engaging in some more gnashing of teeth*

48 comments:

MJ said...

I would sit on his/her cake.

xl said...

Sorry that your feathers are fluffed. I could make you some butter toast with jam (flavor?). Oh, and fluff your pillows!


Oh Hai MJ!

MJ said...

Re: XL's pillow fluffing.

Excuse me, XL, but do you see anywhere in your contract with Mistress MJ that you are permitted to moonlight?

No. I didn't THINK so.

PI said...

Good girl. That's the stuff.
such memories of the bit from Tonbridge to Tunbridge Wells. Well done on getting an offer.
I'm up early to work so better get to it.

Gorilla Bananas said...

That's right, Miss Scarlet, get if off your chest! And I don't mean your brassiere, which you should keep on except in emergencies.

BEAST said...

Don't you go flaunting that map , I can see Herne Bay lurking in the top right
***shudders***

Chairman Bill said...

Don't get mad, get insanely mad and do something the object of your ire will regret.

Whirlochre said...

The Osmonds will stop at nothing to work their way into an insult.

CyberPete said...

Don't get mad, get everything - or at least even.

Summon the troops!

Dave said...

Don't delete this post, or else you'll lose all these beautiful comments, where we're all, in our own inimitable ways, trying to tell you we're desperately in love with you.

I lived in Gravesend for the first 22 years of mt life, which, looking at the map, is barely in Kent. It's certainly the compost heap of the garden of England.

Chin up, etc.

Madame DeFarge said...

I'll volunteer to write rude things on their pencil case if that would help. Or hold their heads down the toilet as you flush it.

Thank you for the map of Kent. I have often wondered where it is.

jekandhyd said...

I wondered whether the internet could help so you could try the Random Insult Generator (and I've finally learnt how to do linking).

... but, frankly, I was slightly shocked to find you like to "have a fag". I dare not ask what type, but was he/she/it linked to the gnashing of teeth?

Gadjo Dilo said...

AND YOU LIKE THE OSMONDS!!! That's the ultimate insult!

eroswings said...

Venting is good! Let it all out. Then in the morning, dust yourself off and move on. Don't let the mofos get the best of you!

Canterbury! Is that where the Easter Bunny lives?

Mr London Street said...

People liked the Osmonds back when you were 9? I would probably delete this post for giving away that snippet alone.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Goodness me, what a messy post! No title, no labels... anyhow,

MJ: This seems like a suitable course of action... or I could fill a Victoria sponge with marmite?

Mr XL: Thank you, Mr XL... do you also mop fevered brows?

MJ: Apologies, but is it okay if I borrow Mr XL for brow mopping and Beaver cleaning? Just for a short while... he is very soothing... he has a knack.

Pat: Thank you, Pat. I feel better this morning.
Pembury now has a spanking new hospital... and dreadful traffic jams.

Mr Bananas: Hmmm.. I once had a mishap in public whilst going bra-less. The buttons fell off my blouse. So, yes... I've learnt my lesson!

Mr Beastie: Did something bad happen to you in Herne Bay? Are there bungalows there?

Mr Chairman: I will probably do my usual thing. I will pretend to be noble and indifferent for a couple of months. Then I will explode. Then I will be arrested.

Mr Whirly: 'Crazy Horses', I rest my case.
And what was 'Paper Roses' all about?

Pete: Often, by complete fluke, I get even... and then, when I'm gloating, I trip up and scuff my best shoes!

Dave: This is why I'd never [never say never!] delete a post... cos posts are joint efforts really, aren't they?
Gravesend has the hottest weather though!

Madame D: Your words would be too lovely... and the culprit would possibly need a dictionary! Let's do the loo flushing thing... although I imagine that one withering look from you would put this person in their place.

Mr Jekand: Thank you! I have added the random insult generator to my list of favourites... I'm sure it will come in useful.
It's not a good idea to bum fags. It makes them soggy.

Gadj: I know! I'm rather proud of that. I might use it in the future.

Mr Swings: In all honesty, you have lost me! I am looking at my screen and frowning. I am raking through my brain, searching for any known connection between Canterbury and the Easter Bunny. I'm sure Google will enlighten me!

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr London: It was 1985! I swear! This is why it was such a huge insult!!! Goodness me what are you insinuating??????
Sx

KAZ said...

How adult Scarlet - you make me feel so juvenile.
PS - I suppose I would have had to substitute Cliff for the Osmonds.

eroswings said...

Ooops! I mistook Canterbury for Cadbury! One is noted in classic literature; the other for delicious chocolate eggs!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kaz: There's no such thing as 'being a grown up' is there? We're all capable of regression! Thank God for that!
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Swings: An easy mistake to make if you're not familiar with Kentish places!
Sx

jekandhyd said...

re: "Victoria sponge with marmite", I'm ashamed to say I know someone who would enjoy that. It's always difficult to know what will truly punish in these days of wild and exotic tastes. However, I was recently encouraged to try the Walkers' Crisp flavour "Cajun Squirrel" and now understand where road kill ends up. I think they also have a flavour called "Builder's Bum" or something like that. Unfortunately your enemy might like that as well.

Geoff said...

Kent's not so bad and we've got that London on our doorstep. But you've got to go an awful long way to get anywhere really nice.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Jekand: Ah yes.. I have tried the builder's bum... but not the Cajun Squirrel..

Geoff: No Kent isn't so bad. I suppose it lollops along with the rest of the country. It does its best... considering how many houses have been crammed into it.

Sx

tony said...

Smelly Like An Osmond !

Sarah said...

Nothing like writing it all down to get rid of frustration! though i would go even as far a re-writing your original smelly osmond note and stuff it under the offending persons door..... not signed of course!
think the sun is getting to dave..he's gone soppy.

Donn said...

I love the Ramone version..best ever!

Now to the matter at hand. What fun is there in blowing up and getting it over with? You need to appreciate the Art of being Passive/Aggressive. You can let your righteous indignation fester, nurture your grievance for weeks, months, years, decades!

You really get your money's worth when you are PA.

Oh sure you'll live longer if you get it out in the open and get it over with..but what's the point of living if you can't live long enough to see all of your frenemies get their just reward?

You're not mad at me are you?
My head isn't full of water..
not like those bloody Osmonds.

PI said...

Scarlet: doe Sx mean Scarlet exit or Scarlet kiss? I only ask because my agent does it and I don't like to do it back until I know what it signifies.

Rog said...

I've spoken to Julie Jackson and she's still in therapy.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Tony: I should have played an Osmond tune... but I think that would have wound me up even more!

Sarah: I am knitting Dave a sunhat. It might be ready for Christmas.

Mr Coppens: Yep, quite right, it's always best to let resentments fester and then have an orgasmic tantrum... the feeling of relief is indescribable...
I'm not sure where the 'head full of water' came from... I probably overheard someone talking about water on the brain an got in a muddle...

Pat: Well, I like it to mean Scarlet kiss! With lots of lippy!

Rog: Close, oh so close! But I doubt she ended up in therapy.

Sx

Emerson Marks said...

I have it on very good authority that Deal in Kent is a good night out.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Marks: I've been to paradise, but I've never been to Deal.
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

Should you be scratching Rude Things on their protractor with a compass?

Whatever you do, don't try the Fish & Chips crisps. I'd hoped they'd taste like those old biscuit-y things that Burtons did. They don't and I'm far too much of a gentleman...

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kev: ...to tell me what they taste like...
I have tried the fish 'n chips crisps, so I'm afraid that I already know...
Burtons? Did they do cheesey nibbles?
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

They used to do dinky little packets of "fish and chips" - salty biscuits that almost but not quite tasted of batter and vinegar. They tasted rather better than that sounds!

mutleythedog said...

I am on your map, whats wrong with Kent again?

mago said...

I confess, I like to throw things at the wall or to the ground. With a wall shaking scream. Then I feel better.

CyberPete said...

We are so much alike in that sense.

I wish I got even by a conscious act of maliciousness (sound much more divine than plain malice) but no.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kev: I think I would have liked them.
I've been serching for some cheese straws that I first tasted in 1974. They were wafer like on the outside [ridged] and soft and cheesey in the centre... kind of melted in your mouth. Obviously I was very young in 1974, so I might be getting muddled with Farley's rusks...

Mr Mutts: Actually I can't remember where the Kent thread came from now...? I don't think I started it. I had written about a day out in London... and somehow Kent happened. I'm surprised that this post hasn't descended into custard...
Kent is fine. I was born there!

Mr Mags: Just make sure the wall doesn't contain a window. I've made this mistake before. Messy.

Pete: Plotting and scheming never comes to much does it?! I'd make a hopeless politician.

Sx

jekandhyd said...

Another thought. Do you perchance know the home address of your mortal enemy? If so, perhaps he / she / it would appreciate subscriptions to a range of magazines guaranteed to set tongues wagging in a small village (assumption there). For example, Latex Lingerie Lovers Monthly, Family BDSM Weekly, Corporal Punishment Weakly, What Dildo (let me know via email if you would like a more comprehensive list). Shouldn't cost much either, many of these titles will send out a sampler.... erm, I've heard

Mr London Street said...

I have tagged your blog in my blog. Not because I want you to answer lots of questions or put up an award or any of that gubbins. Just because I think your blog is really good.

Err... that's it really.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Jekand: Remind me not to get on the wrong side of you!!!

Mr london: Crikey, we're all blushing now! Shall we just shake hands?

Sx

jekandhyd said...

Dear Scarlet, You could never get on the wrong side of me. I am, and always will be, in awe.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Jekand: You daft bugger!!!
Sx

Joanna Cake said...

I have just this minute returned from a weekend in Kent and eaten 'picked that morning' asparagus, strawberries and cherries which were divine. We dont get that sort of service in Essex so Im not going to knock it!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ms Cakes: I used to love pick your own!
Admittedly, when I was very young, I used to go scrumping...
Sx

Joanna Cake said...

Oh, me too! There was a small orchard on a plot that was awaiting development and a couple of us picked all the apples and went round selling them door to door. Budding entrepreneurs :)

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ms Cakes: Ha Ha! Alan Sugar would be proud.
I once came home with an armful of rhubarb... I don't even like rhubarb. My Mum kind of half-heartedly told me off!
Sx