Wednesday, 10 June 2009

The UK Property Market - An In Depth Overview.

Because I am quite stupid I have decided to sell my house. I don't need too. I just want to move to somewhere a little more vibrant. Somewhere there are shops and people under the age of sixty. Somewhere where potato growing isn't the height of entertainment. I've had plenty of viewers, all declaring love for my humble abode. And my bush-craft. Most viewers are renting or are cash buyers so are in a good position to buy, but they are waiting for prices to fall even further. Like vultures. This housing crash isn't the same as the one in the early nineties - when crippling interest rates coupled with high unemployment forced people to sell; the market was flooded with property and therefore supply outstripped demand. In today's market, supply is limited due to low interest rates and paying off a mortgage is easy peasy so long as you haven't overstretched. It seems to me that the property market is skewered; it is a confusing mix of what are known as 'distress' sales and people like me who just want to move. On Monday I received a very silly offer from a viewer I'd shown round my house twice. I am so cross that even if they come back with a sensible offer I will tell them to stick it [they would obviously be trouble throughout the whole sales process]. Possibly I look distressed? Of course I look distressed! The village shop sells Happy Shopper American Tan tights and the local hair salon is awash with blue rinse. Sigh. My other option is to rent my house out... which is probably the route I'm going to take, because if I do this then I will be quids in. And quite frankly the vultures can go hungry.
Anyhow, this is why I have been quiet of late.

50 comments:

Dr Maroon said...

Hm. Take the ducks down off the wall and hide the SMEG. Do NOT mention bush craft. Caveat emptor

Here, drink this Benedictine. Better?
Good.

Ax.

eroswings said...

I think you've made a great, well thought out decision to rent out. You can always sell later when it's favorable to you. Listen to your instincts, and you'll make the right choice.

I hope you find a place that suits your vivaciousness with a more lively neighborhood!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Dr Maroon: Erm... How did you know I had ducks on my wall??!!! They are brushed metal variety [ironic]... goodness me!
Loving the new avatar btw!

Mr Swings: I think I would make a fab landlady and looking at the figures I am warming to this idea.
I may invest in a deluxe camper van and go on tour... the world is my oyster.

Sx

PI said...

'I just want to move to somewhere a little more vibrant. Somewhere there are shops and people under the age of sixty.'
So you won't be coming here then. Deep sigh.
I have two friends in the same position and they have the same problems with rude and irritating viewers who 'don't like the area.'
So sorry it's quiet and peaceful and beautiful and warm and friendly but we just have to put up with it. Do they do any research at all or is it just a day out?

Gorilla Bananas said...

If you let the vultures see you're distressed they circle around you until you drop! Letting them rent might be a good idea if you can shoo them out later. Are you good with a broom, Miss Scarlet?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Pat: Oops! Sorry Pat, I may have exaggerated slightly.
But viewers are damn arrogant at the moment, fuelled with the idea that all sellers are desperate. The picture, as always, has shades of grey.
Sx

BEAST said...

Who will tend your bush if its rented out Miss Scarlet....I worry about such things .
I hope you laughed at these scoundrels derisory offer , they should be paying a premium for a blogosphere's star's crib.
Do you think a bit more bling will help , a solar glow boob could make all the difference

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Bananas: I'm damn fine with a broom, Mr Bananas!
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Beastie: I did indeed laugh. I'm going to adorn my bush with fairy lights. Good idea!
Sx

Chairman Bill said...

So what's wrong with growing potatoes? According to Hay I can grow them in my ears.

I could advise Southport or Christchurch. The places have ambulances cruising down the main drag to collect the bodies.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Chairman: They display their potatoes at the village fete. The prize ones are scrubbed and sit individually on white china plates. For all I know they could be fresh from Waitrose. How would I know? And really it's what they taste like that matters, isn't it?
Why am I even thinking about this...?
Sx

Sarah said...

I should move to a house near Dave Scarl, he's desperate for a younger fluffier neighbour. Then you could throw wild street parties and irritate the hell out of the giant marrow growing inbred next door.

garfer said...

What's wrong with growing potatoes? I like a nice spud me.

I suggest you find yourself somewhere with a nice window box so you can grow a fine crop of King Edwards and cannabis.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Your area sounds just up my street. How about a swap? My home is in a very desirable area, very central, shops and restaurants five minutes walk away, launderette across the street, room for a Smeg. Er, there's just the small matter of the lodger ...

Chairman Bill said...

Actually, the place sounds idyllic. Do they have a village cricket team and an annual village fete with WI sponsored cakes? Just the kind of place I dream of retiring to.

Chairman Bill said...

Oh - and do you have an AGA?

savannah said...

all the best, honey! bit of unasked for advice: get an agent to handle the rental. a small fee yes, but much less hassle for you! xoxox

Geoff said...

It's a buyers' market.

Unless you're buying for the first time and don't have mummy and daddy's money.

xl said...

Now that you know who you are
What do you want to be?
And have you traveled very far?
Far as the eye can see.






All the best on your new adventure, wherever it takes you or how you get there!

Dave said...

Sarah is right. Norfolk's the place for you!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Sarah: And Dave could build all my furniture. He is certainly in need of corruption.

Garfer: Hmmm... gone are the days when we used to scatter budgie seed in the hope of growing an impressive crop... did you ever fall for that rumour?

Daphne: Sounds good to me! I'm sure Mr Scots would scrub up well and could eventually make a wonderful houseboy.

Mr Chairman: I will be Madame Ga Ga at a neighbouring village fete. And I will perhaps be tempted to streak across the cricket green during the next match depending on the weather.
I have a flipping Rayburn. Good for drying knickers on damp days... and not a lot else...

Savvy: Too true! Don't you worry, I will be getting an agent.

Geoff: I know. It's an arse over tit market... I guess that makes me the tit!

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr XK: My life is one big Magical Mystery Tour!

Dave: Hmmm... what's it like for carrots?

Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

I have a small barn conversion for sale just outside of Duntocher. I'm sure we can come to some arrangement which would include you displaying your bushcraft.

Eryl Shields said...

Sounds like we are in a similar position. Though I've lived in this enclave of competitive vegetable growing and crown green bowling for so long that I fear moving to a more vibrant place might lead to a heart attack. Get out while you still can, xxx

MJ said...

Will we all be invited to your housewarming party?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Jimmy: I am on my way; I am catching the next flight. My bush is arranged with sequins and extra long fringing...

Eryl: Hmmm... and young people look disturbingly young...

MJ: Of course!! but the way things are going it may not be for a few years yet!

Sx

KAZ said...

Come and live in our flats Scarlet. I'm the only old git.
There's loads of shops, pubs, takeaways and restaurants and it's very close to the city.
It's so exciting I'm going to have a sit down.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Helminthdale has a wide range of prestigious donkeystone shops and night life that can usually only be imagined being filmed on a dead badger in France. A viewing could help you count your blessings. (-:

Gadjo Dilo said...

I remember this song well but had never seen the video before - great! You mean potato growing isn't the height of entertainment? And where do you live exactly? Are you Barry Teeth's sister??

Whirlochre said...

I sold a house on Black Wenesday, so either I'm an expert on this or a dickhead.

Seems to me that as long as you don't leave yourself desperately out of pocket and you nail a Smegtop view of a happ'nin hood, you'll be doing yourself a favour. As far as I am aware there's no known cure for the kind of itchy feet caused by tan tights.

And btw — has Mr Tap The Walls (And Is Covered In Breadcrumbs) been round yet? He stayed at my place for two whole hours, examining every wall with dampmeters, rulers and spirit levels before offering 75% of what I was asking.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Two things.
Firstly, I sincerely hope and pray to the good Lord above that you are not moving to the Thames Valley, Scarlet. We do not endorse sniggering innuendo or slatternly ways in this purlieu. My house is ludicrously overstaffed with drudges of every kidney, and I live a life that can only be described as "charmed". Boyo, Gyppo and Wendy will confirm that Royal Berkshire (and parts of South Oxfordshire; and maybe the sticky out bit of Hampshire, and certain areas around Camberley, but not Wiltshire) will not welcome slapdash sluttiness from an arriviste such as yourself.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Oh, yes, sorry, and secondly: where is Barry Teeth. I am concerned. As you know, I have started writing poetry in a particularly winsome style, and I think he might be envious.

jekandhyd said...

We had the same problem in our quaint Oxfordshire village.

It was deemed too "sleepy" to be attractive and no-one could sell. Hence we introduced a few changes. Weekly flower arranging in the vllage hall was replaced by burlesque and pole dancing classes (sorry, "vertical fitness classes), the cricket pitch was given over to BMX polo (whatever that is), the local gym was converted into a naturist spa and the various book clubs that took place in private homes were replaced by monthly swingers' evenings (I think it's a form of dancing).

Anyway, still no-one wants to buy a house here, but the tourist trade has really taken off

Scarlet-Blue said...

Tsk. I will deal with you lot later. I have turned myself into the embodiment of Anne Maurice and I am in the process of frantic de-cluttering... 99% of my personal effects [including my Noddy piggy bank and my Looby-Loo doll] are going into one of those big storage container units.
Would anyone like a tin of sliced peaches circa 1996? I consider them a piece of social history...
The Thames Valley indeed...
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Also, I am writing a play. It is called Suet Blunder, and I have cast you as ZsaZsa de Courcey. You eat a small tricycle made of out sugar in the denouement. Kev is to be Alf Kork, a railway porter from Nibbs End. I will keep you posted.

Madame DeFarge said...

Do we come with the house or will you take us to your new abode? I need to know where to catch the bus. It's important.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Let's not be hasty: how are you going to survive without your Looby Loo doll?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kaz: I'm buying a ticket for the Virgin train right now!

Kev: I need somewhere that accepts beavers. I plan to start a new colony of Beavers... I will also need bushes.

Gadj: I was curious about this video - I'm sure it's not the original. Anyhow, I've also wondered if I am related to Mr Teeth... it's curious...

Mrs P: Oh come now! There must be room in the flat above the chippy for an extra one. I'll bring my Wii and we can have jolly nights in swinging young heifers around by their legs.
[I'm also very good at ten pin bowling so I will get on just fine in the Thames Valley].

Mrs P: Barry Teeth is just Mr Inky messing around [I think].

Mr Jekandhyd: I will put forward all of your suggestions at the next Parish meeting. I have a hunch that some of this already goes on... but I haven't as yet been invited to the party!

Mrs P: As long as I'm not given a Morris Minor called Ethel to drive... can I have a Merc? And a drink? And can I go to Hollywood and star in a remake of Dallas? Can I be Lucy????? I have the height... if nothing else and I can stomp up a staircase in a strop like you've never seen.

Madame D: I'm just decluttering at the minute. I'm trying to make my house look light and airy - which is difficult with low ceilings and heavy beams. It'll be ages before I go anywhere.. and I will be taking my laptop... and all you lot!!

Kev: Well, I still have Andy Pandy in my basket....

Sx

rhinestonecatboy said...

Dear Ms. Blue,

In response to your kind enquiry back in mid-February, I have been lost in cyber-space but have returned to blogging, so please call off the search party.

jekandhyd said...

Dear Scarlet

That's fine. However, if anyone on your parish council would like to visit us on a fact finding mission could you please get them to contact me directly - I will need to explain the dress code before they arrive.

Best
Dr J

Grump said...

You stick to your guns Scarlet don't let the vultures get you. If you live in the sort of village you have described have you thought of advertising in publication where retirees might look. There might be some who want to retire in your village and they could be cashed up too.
Grump x

Scarlet-Blue said...

Master Catboy: Pleased to see you safe and well! I hope you have brought me some bling!

Mr jekand: I have submitted your plans for the future of the village. Most of the gentlemen seemed surprisingly keen...

Grump: I don't think the elderly would be able to negotiate my en-suite - it is down a steep ladder. Strange but true.

Sx

mapstew said...

So log as you don't move too far from HERE.

@Mrs. P. Any part for a bald wedding singer?

Kate Lord Brown said...

Rather love the idea of Scarlet on tour like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert cruising the M-ways looking for somewhere to hang up her slingbacks. Renting way to go for sure. Market is pants at the moment x

Kevin Musgrove said...

Of course! A winnebago! Scarlet tours the four corners of the empire.

Emerson Marks said...

I would like to move. South of France would be ideal.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Am intrigued by the idea of you having an en suite down a steep ladder - sounds a bit kinky actually.

Or do you live in one of those MOD bunkers?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Maps: Don't tempt Mrs P! You will find yourself yodelling the complete works of Shakespeare on a Welsh mountain range, dressed as Heidi... you have been warned.

Kate: What is it about the word 'slingbacks'?!
I will have to make do with a pink VW Camper van and the M25...

Kev: Is Manchester at the end of the M25?

Mr Marks: Moving anywhere right now is bloody hard!

Lulu: It's quite a nice ladder but a little difficult to negotiate after a skinful!

Sx

:: Wendy :: said...

Come to Reading where the potatoes are exciting, the spelling is creative, and all sorts of blogging types, type lots. We also have very few Hornets.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Wendy: Reading is a bit pricey!
Sx