Saturday, 8 August 2009

That's Life, So Wot?

I have chronic PMT. I feel like breaking crockery; I have a dull headed feeling and I feel like I'm chewing cardboard. I am oversensitive. And I can hear fingernails dragging across a blackboard. I am irrational. My head feels like it's in a vice. Or perhaps I need a new vice? Or some advice?
I NEED SOMEONE TO BE NICE TO ME. Failing that, a Moscow Mule will probably do. And a fag.
Anyhow, here is a clip of film made by a media studies student.



I am now going to put myself in a secure unit. It is for your own safety.

52 comments:

rhinestonecatboy said...

As a gentleman, without the necessary you know whats (never quite sure what to refer to it)

I am at a loss as to what to say, but I do sympathise if not actually able empathise.


Best of luck to you!

The Famulus said...

This is only going to last a couple of days right? I can stick my head above ground on, say, Tuesday?

It'll be safe, you're sure?

Please?

PI said...

Hang on love. Think of the blessed relief when it's over. Meanwhile avoid the human race- if I remember correctly:)

Would you believe it?
Word Verification is PRENAT

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Good evening Ms. Scarlet,

I'm just here to offer a shoulder or a comforting hug; can't help you with PMT or a fag, sorry.

U

TechnoBabe said...

Some days are easier than others, aren't they? Learning to get by in life is like learning how to like lima beans mixed with spinach and sand.

xl said...

[tiptoes in]
[fluffs Miss Scarlet's pillows]
[tiptoes out]

mutleythedog said...

Whats PMT?

savannah said...

we'll be here, sugar! do what y'all need to do to get through it. drink lots of water! xoxox

MJ said...

@ XL: Did I say you could take leave from Mistress MJ's side to fluff Miss Scarlet's pillows?!

Miss Scarlet: Fortunately, we are not on the same schedule.

Can you imagine the mayhem?

We would be flinging our flaming uteri, willy nilly, at the heads of BEAST, for one, and anyone else who crossed our path.

Rog said...

As a lover of small Galaxy Chocolate treats I fully understand.

I often suffer from pre-minstrel tension.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Listen hen, you sit back and put your wee feet up for a while. I'll just finish the hoovering, and then I'll make the dinner. In the meantime you just sit and relax, sip on your tea, and enjoy a ciggie or two.

....is what you'd like to hear.

When you've finishd dreaming, you can fetch me another bottle of beer. Make sure this one is cold..reet?

Dave said...

I'd lend you one of my fags, but they're currently doing the housework.

Son of Incogneato said...

Freshy-made double latte, Sunday newspaper in bed, turn off the cell.
If available; get someone who doesn't annoy you to wait on you hand and foot. Wordlessly.

Cheers!
Dr. Son

Lulu LaBonne said...

Gin - that's the thing

fairyhedgehog said...

You need chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

Sarah said...

Neat gin with a twist of lemon, does it for me, and remove yourself away from anything sharp, idiots, time wasters and small children..

jekandhyd said...

I'm going to send you by email the best Moscow Mule you will ever have had. I'd like to present you with the drink in person, but you are rather scarey when you are like this and I am a very timid soul

Morton Shadow said...

Shades of the Absolute beginners video/'You're never alone with a Strand ad there....

Great drumsound on the Frank record, isn't it?

As for the PMT: I always watch my copy of 'Arsene Wenger's magic hat when I get Pre-Match Tension, Scarlet. Works for me - along with about six cases of McEwan's export...

xxx
Mort
wv: pstab: yes, it does feel a bit like that, doesn't it?

Clyde said...

So if you finish the orange cream chocolates and the strawberry filled glass of champagne before I finish the foot massage, I'm going to have to leave for 5 minutes to top everything up again
A quiet cigarette will tide you over

Roses said...

Oh bless. Don't you just love being a woman?

*pours a large glass of wine and leaves the packet of fags and lighter within easy reach*

Leah said...

Oh it's murder isn't it. There aren't drugs enough in the universe...

You have my total and utter sympathy.

KAZ said...

I heard a deejay on Rock Radio say 'She sounds like she needs some Evening Primrose'.
You just relax - I'll kill him.

BEAST said...

You girls are certifiable most of the time.
Its blue moon month as well , just to add to your misery :-)

:: Wendy :: said...

Ms. S. You are clearly communing with the spirits, in touch with the very being of the plates. At times like this people should be worshipping you and gathering the undoubtedly powerful insights that your special sensitivity has given you. You are a goddess (hot water bottles help too)
W

Scarlet-Blue said...

Hello!
Blimey! So I posted last night?!
I think I'm feeling a little better today.
I will answer in full tomorrow!
Sxx

tony said...

If Jimmy hasnt drunk all your beer could i have one too?

Kevin Musgrove said...

A lot of iced water and a punch bag.


w.v. "dousin" - I have just enough sense not to go there.

Eryl Shields said...

Glad you're feeling better because I had absolutely no sensible advice: I always just go and hide until it's over.

Whirlochre said...

If you bit anyone to death during the Eastenders omnibus edition, apparently there's a hotline...

mago said...

Ahem, well ... trallalah ... coffee? TEa? Machine gun?

Liam said...

I don't understand the fag part. But whatever is ailing you I hope it passes soon

Scarlet-Blue said...

Master Catboy: Erm... luck???? Goodness me! Men!

The Fammy: Erm... I'm having a relapse, so perhaps Friday. 11.00am SHARP.

Pat: My tolerance levels are a little low. Thankfully I have picked up the word 'aunt' from Mrs P and Dr Maroon, so people don't actually realise that I'm swearing at them.
I stand in my back garden shrieking 'everybody is an aunt' and nobody appears to be offended. They just think I'm mad.

Mr U: Thank you for your shoulder. Very considerate.

Technobabe: Do I have to eat the lima beans, spinach and sand? Is it okay if I make them into an eye-pleasing sculpture?

Mr XL: Could you also make a cup of tea and bring me some ginger nuts?

Mr Mutts: Don't be silly!!!! *Slaps Mr Mutts* I will set mistress MJ on you if you don't behave. She will hit you over the head with her flaming uterus.

Savvy: Thank you Savvy. Kind, peaceful words.

MJ: Mr Mutts is asking daft questions! He needs to be battered with Uteri!

Rog: AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!

Mr Jimmy: GGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Dave: BISCUITS!!!!

Son: Spot on!! Are you available?

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Lulu: Gin, and Champagne, and vodka, and whisky, and...
Should make a good cocktail.

Fairyhedgehog: Yes please! And biscuits!

Sarah: I need a padded cell and a well stocked fridge!

Mr Jeykand: Moi? Scary?????
You're about as timid as a nudist on a speeding motor bike!

Mr Morton: I will let you off this time, but the F-word is banned on this blog... you don't want to be the recipient of a scarlet card, do you?

Clyde: Now this kind of talk is working! Mr Jimmy and Mr Morton, please take note!

Roses: Hello and Welcome!
I hope you don't mind but I think I've smoked all your baccy?

Leah: And they try to fob us off with Evening Primrose oil!!! Are they nuts?????

Kaz: Exactly!! Please slap him hard!! And pull his toes.

Mr Beastie: Ppppffftttt.... [With extra dribble]

Wendy: I feel more like a teapot at the moment!
I love hot water bottles. It's because they smell of hot rubber. Odd.

Tony: Grrrrrrrr....
[I am beginning to froth. And not in a good way]

Kev: You are always the gentleman! I am feeling soothed again...

Eryl: Yep, I'm the hiding type too. I think it's the best thing to do - for the sake of humanity.

Mr Whirly: Crikey, what happened in the last episode of 'Enders? As you can tell it made an impression. Did Phil say: 'I own ya' to anybody? Did he shoot anyone? Has Dawn found true love with Bradley [surely this is on the cards]?

Mr Mags: Machine gun!!!! Good thinking.

Liam: 'Fag' is a UKism for cigarette, but I can understand the confusion.
And everyone here has put me in a better frame of mind. Even Mr Jimmy and Mr Morton.

Sxx

eroswings said...

Perhaps some painting or writing or some form of art might help. Interpretive dance perhaps? Try some ice cream--it's delicious and refreshing! Also, alcohol and dessert is always a treat.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Interpretive dance must be good for PMT. And also eurhythmics on the croquet lawn with a ten foot length of chiffon.

At least I think that's what a ex was suggesting with the chiffon...

Kerrie said...

Thought I would leave it a day and see if you were feeling better. xx

zIggI said...

this will be as a walk in the park once you start the M! HA!

hope this helps :)

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Swings: Walking uphill seems to help... just to burn off the snarls.

Kev: Your idea reminds me of a film... there is vaseline all over the camera lens... the chiffon is pink.... but she trips and falls... crikey what film is this?

Kerrie: Thank you! I am feeling better today!

ZIggI: I'm already dreading it... I'm something of a drama Queen and will milk the whole experience.

Sx

JennyMac said...

Loved the video...and hope you have a very peaceful and pleasant day today.

Frobisher said...

Oh, for goodness sakes - just go shoplifting

jekandhyd said...

How did you know that I had a motor bike? (a vintage Italian model if you're interested)

jekandhyd said...

BTW I have a 12 year old daughter who has not yet reached puberty. Can you explain why she has permanent PMT? I'm begining to think it has nothing to do with cycles. Maybe you are just becoming a teenager again

Scarlet-Blue said...

Jenny: I am on the cusp of pulling through... just about!

Mr Frobi: I already have... It's the only way to me an indecent man in a uniform.

Mr Jeykand: And do you ride it nekkid? Can we see pics? Or perhaps you could make a video :o)
You're daughter may be an early developer, therefore well within her rights to be moody.
Yep, I look about sixteen and still have a problem buying fags.

Sx

Gadjo Dilo said...

Arggghhhhhh, Scarley, poor you! I once had a girlfriend who had it bad, rotten time of the month. Not a bad video that, for a media studies student.

Dave said...

Time to move on I think. Had enough of feeling sorry for you.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Especially if your mind's turning to young women and vaseline...

Chic Mama said...

I don't have PMT, TODAY! But I too would love to throw some crockery!! Did you know you can go to places to pay and do that? Good anger management therapy apparently.Hope you're feeling better soon. ;0)

BEAST said...

Oh no , Miss Scarlet has dissapeared , she has probably taken Mr Frobishers advice and got arrested

Scarlet-Blue said...

Gadj: Your girlfriend was very lucky is she only had a bad time once!!!
I was hoping the bloke in the video was going to take all his clothes off... but there you go.

Dave: These things take time!!!!!!! Goodness me, I'm still recovering from your news flash - far too much excitement in one week.

Kev: I am scribbling my next post... Hmmm... not quite vaseline, but it might have helped.

Sx

Dave said...

Was I flashing? Trust you to notice.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Chic Mama: Hello and Welcome!
Thank you, I am over the worst and I'm feeling reborn!

Mr Beastie: I haven't quite disappeared. Yet.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Dave: How can I write a post if you keep interupting??? Hmmmmm???
Sx