Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Here we see Maureen from Margate. Despite eating five pots of yoghurt a day Maureen is still feisty and has plenty of verve. She has just stolen a wedding dress, a white dinner jacket, a picnic hamper and a Val Doonican CD from Bhs and is now cruising in her brand new Peugeot intent on snaring a man with whom she can share her booty. After turning right on the roundabout at the top of Bromley High Street, Maureen finds herself on the A30 where she spots hitchhiker Gavin.
Gavin is an unemployed petrol pump attendant from Plymouth seeking work on Bodmin moor. He has not been lucky. As he recovers from being knocked over by a coach load of pensioners on a day trip to Glasgow he is attracted by the sight of Maureen’s bumpers. They are wonky and need realigning. Pleased with Gavin’s attentions Maureen lifts her bonnet and displays her engine. Gavin is immediately drawn to her magnetic stack and is blown away by her gear head efficiency. After checking her big end and playing with her hooters Gavin collapses in the passenger seat and allows Maureen to give him the drive of his life. She does several miles down Fanny Avenue; enters Butt Hole Road; gets a bit lost in Lickfold before leading him astray in Ladygate Lane. Gavin is quite relieved when they arrive in Cardiff.
In Gretna Green, Mike, the Mexican Priest, is waiting to perform the wedding ceremony for Gavin and Maureen. He is fond of his nuptials. When they arrive he does his best Elvis impersonation, he wiggles his pistons, reaches a point of high excitation and blesses their future by writing a heartfelt message on the rear window of their filthy 207. They are wed. And Maureen is happy that she spent her money learning to drive sexy.