Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Drive Sexy



Here we see Maureen from Margate. Despite eating five pots of yoghurt a day Maureen is still feisty and has plenty of verve. She has just stolen a wedding dress, a white dinner jacket, a picnic hamper and a Val Doonican CD from Bhs and is now cruising in her brand new Peugeot intent on snaring a man with whom she can share her booty. After turning right on the roundabout at the top of Bromley High Street, Maureen finds herself on the A30 where she spots hitchhiker Gavin.
Gavin is an unemployed petrol pump attendant from Plymouth seeking work on Bodmin moor. He has not been lucky. As he recovers from being knocked over by a coach load of pensioners on a day trip to Glasgow he is attracted by the sight of Maureen’s bumpers. They are wonky and need realigning. Pleased with Gavin’s attentions Maureen lifts her bonnet and displays her engine. Gavin is immediately drawn to her magnetic stack and is blown away by her gear head efficiency. After checking her big end and playing with her hooters Gavin collapses in the passenger seat and allows Maureen to give him the drive of his life. She does several miles down Fanny Avenue; enters Butt Hole Road; gets a bit lost in Lickfold before leading him astray in Ladygate Lane. Gavin is quite relieved when they arrive in Cardiff.
In Gretna Green, Mike, the Mexican Priest, is waiting to perform the wedding ceremony for Gavin and Maureen. He is fond of his nuptials. When they arrive he does his best Elvis impersonation, he wiggles his pistons, reaches a point of high excitation and blesses their future by writing a heartfelt message on the rear window of their filthy 207. They are wed. And Maureen is happy that she spent her money learning to drive sexy.

61 comments:

BEAST said...

These two need to invest in a sat nav , they seem to be geographically all over the place

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Beastie: Gavin's not good at navigating. He's a bloke after all.
Sx

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Scarlet,

As a young man, I actually thought a Peugeot was a cool car. That thought and those days are long gone.

I do like this video.

U

rhinestonecatboy said...

Drive Sexy? Is that in the new highwat code? It ceartainly never featured in any of me 90+ driving lessons. The only manoeuvres I got to indulge in where three point turns.

Just as well as my driving instructor was a middle aged man with a mullet, beard and a taste for Hawaiian shirts.

eroswings said...

I don't know who Maureen is fooling wearing white, when it's so obvious she has no problems sharing her booty with hitch hikers! But it's not like Gavin's complaining about letting her take control--he's clearly enjoying the ride. Best wishes to the happy couple!

The first (and only time since) I've seen a Peugeot was in Greece. They look very neat!

xl said...

Somehow, I don't think Gavin is entitled to a white wedding.

Clyde said...

Maureen had no trouble passing the oral test but made a real mess in the hands on examination with her over enthusiastic handling of the stick shift.
A lot of her early experience was in the back lane but soon progressed to the front canal track.
She was a handy lass and a late night defation saw here loosening the nuts and pumping very hard.
When it comes to a sticky situation, Maureen really laps it up and gets off on her way

the projectivist said...

oh it's all just so
The Postman Always Rings Twice,
but crappier
isn't it?

MJ said...

The Val Doonican CD is Betty's.

Maureen stole it from her Utility Room.

Macy said...

Maureen's never going to settle this cheap. She looks like the kind of girl that likes driving with her top down. I give it three days before she trades up to something with more torque and style.

xl said...

[off topic]

Posted the ten regrettable things meme you requested, Miss Scarlet.

KAZ said...

Wonderful story.
But I don't get the bit about Cardiff.

Rog said...

I think you've read too much into this Scarlet.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Turkey won't allow access to anything I enjoy - which includes Mistress MJ and your videos, but you painted such a great picture that I have this ad running in my head like an animated saucy postcard.

Dave said...

I understood none of this story.

Pat said...

Typical example of an ad being so gripping one forgets what is being advertised. What was it again?
BTW I have done my tags - even managed a link:)
Oh God I've just read XL's comment. Was it 10? I've only done 8.
Dammit!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr U: Ha ha ha!!! Guess what I drive?!!! My Peugeot is old though. And I fancy one of these. What do you reckon?

Master Catboy: I had over 100 lessons... and I never did a U turn in a back passage either.

Mr Swings: Maureen likes hard driving. Peugeots are popular little cars in europe. I also learnt in one. Mine's knackered and has a horrible habit of just cutting out, even if it's going over 40mph. Which isn't nice.

Mr XL: Gavin's just there for the ride.

Clyde: Maureen is a stunning performer - 0-60 in 5 seconds, full throttle.

Miss Project: And what is Courtney Love doing driving a Peugeot, that's what I'd like to know?

MJ: Is Gavin a houseboy? I think Maureen has also been pilfering from Infomaniac.

Macy: Maureen's probably got her eye on one of these then.

Mr XL: I shall zoom over and take a peak.

Kaz: Cardiff had to be included on their grand tour. It was either Cardiff or Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch - and Maureen couldn't get her tongue around that.

Rog: Hmmmm... do you think I went overboard with the Val Doonican CD? I suppose that is a little far fetched.

Lulu: Have I sold you a Peugeot?!

Sx

Roses said...

A white dress? Really? I don't think so somehow.

It'll all end in tears. Mark my words. Gavin knows a mate who knows a good divorce lawyer. Stitched Maureen right up: took the house, the stocks and the car and she has to pay him maintenance.

Pat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scarlet-Blue said...

Dave: Well, it was based on the film Driving Miss Daisy, if that's any help?

Pat: Don't worry about how many regrettable incidents you've written... I just copied Mr Gyppo, but in hindsight, I reckon I'd have preferred to have done five!
This ad is on all the time at the moment... I only twigged what it was about the other day.
Do you remember this old Peugeot ad? The tune went straight to no.1.

Sx

Pat said...

I shouldn't think the old Peugot ad went down well in Oz.
I deleted the comment as I found I was in the wrong comment box. It's that sort of day:)

Scarlet-Blue said...

Roses: Crikey, poor Maureen, she's going to have to do adverts for the rest of her life. She'll be reduced to playing with the chocolate men in the bowl of Coco pops!

Pat: We crossed!

Sx

Kate said...

Its one of those weddings that will end in tears. Gavin will regret it in the morning.

Kate x

Kerrie said...

What a relief to find out what is really going on in this advert!I thought she was looking fo the dry cleaners.

Cordelia said...

Advertising Peugeot on the basis of its overpowering sexiness shows lessons have not been learned since that terrible advert which declared "Men are back". In both cases the phrase "...if you haven't had much action recently" apply.

Donn w/2nz said...

It's deja-phew! all over again.
That's pretty much how I got married the third time and it didn't last...
but what a week! :)

I always thought that having a Deranged Marriage would last longer? They seem to work well in the Middle East..
except for the 'til beheading do us part.

Nobody drives a "Poosh-geot" over in the Colonies.
To put it bluntly our petrol is simply too unrefined...not enough snail additif to make des-car-go?
*runs

mago said...

Peugeot or Citroen for you. But yes, the Copen is also nice. ever thought about a Barchetta or something like that?

Liam said...

Great commercial!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kate: Gavin looks a little bit glazed and confused... he will have no memory of these events in the morning.

Kerrie: It could easily double up as an ad for Sketchley's [or whoever they are. I use Columbine].

Cordelia: This one!
I wonder where all the men went? Probably washing their Vauxhalls.

Mr Coppens: Yep... why are slugs and snails so flipping interesting. Weird. I give you sex.. and you'd rather chat about slugs and snails. Story of my life. *Wanders off muttering. Makes note to write next post about copper slug stop tape*

Mr Mags: Barchetta! Yes please!!!

Liam: Well, I think I've at least made some logical sense out of it.

Sx

jekandhyd said...

Dear Scarlet (if, indeed, that is your name). You worried me in your last blog posting by stating, "You do realise that the Blogosphere is actually just made up of me and you, don't you"

Now, after this posting, I realise that you are Jeremy Clarkson and all my romantic dreams concerning us have been shattered.

On the other hand, as a fellow petrol head, would you be interested in a pint sometime?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Jekand: Now you're talking! I shall dig out my leather blouson jacket for the occasion.
Sx

Eric said...

Wait...how did they get from, uh, Bodin moor to a place that looks like El Paso, Texas, trying to pass as Las Vegas?
I'm lost.

Whirlochre said...

I'd love to see Rutger Hauer in a BMW ad.

zIggI said...

no S I see you more in a Spyker

Scarlet-Blue said...

Eric: Hello and Welcome!
Do they have Peugeots where you are? It is confusing isn't it?
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Whirly: Rutger Hauer is any kind of car ad would be interesting!

ZIggI: Oh yes!! Link and as they say: "For the tenacious no road is impassable"....

Sx

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Oh, my Lord you're funny! Who are you, anyway? And why aren't you in my blogroll?

Borah said...

the romance!

How do you come up with stuff like this?

mago said...

This ad would take a totally other road with Rudger jumping in. Something like natural born killers with a harmonica ...

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Banish: You are very kind!

Borah: I have many moments of boredom to fill!

Mr Mags: We wish he would turn up though, don't we?

Sx

mago said...

YES!

Kevin Musgrove said...

Or Quentin Tarantino's biopic of Larry Adler...

mago said...

I wrote that list by the way. Your's is more funny!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: Yes, yes!!!

Kev: ...Genevieve... Maureen should have been called Genevieve!!

Mr Mags: I am having a blog free evening... but as it's you...

Sx

Grump said...

Beautifully executed. Touches of Benny Hill and the League of Gentlemen. Oh if we could all enjoy Maureen's big end and hooters.
Woof from the back seat. x

Borah said...

thanks, you fill mine too!

CyberPete said...

Too bad for Gavin that he doesn't know that Peugeot makes crap cars.

Pretty but dumb or just pretty dumb?

chimesey said...

Just saw it on telly...

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Grunp: Many thanks. I'm sure Maureen would let you have a feel of her leather interior.

Borah: We can go quietly nuts together...

Pete: As it's your birthday, I will smile sweetly.
I have a Peugeot. Sob.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABES!!!

Mr Chimney: I think it's every other advert at the moment!

SX

CyberPete said...

Awwww sorry!

I learned to drive in a red Peugeot 306 or 307. I liked that car!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Pete: I learnt to drive in a blue peugeot. Brand new. It was lovely compared to my old wreck.
Sx

mago said...

I always wanted to have a 407 coupe, the "old" one, not with that shark-like front end. Ach ...

Donn w/2nz said...

Yo-Yo-Yo
What up Scarls?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: I quite like the shark front! I don't know why.

Mr Coppens: I'm going through a phase. To blog or not to blog that is the question etc.
You delivered one of the best posts ever on blogging... and I'm in one of those phases!

Sx

mago said...

You should not point a phaser at yourself!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: Probably true!!
Sx

Chairman Bill said...

I'm not the only one suffering writers' block.

Donn w/2nz said...

Scarls, dahling, that was written on the 23rd?
What in heaven's name have you been up to?

Donn w/2nz said...

You had better watch it.

I'm feeling the urge for some Blognapping
:)

Donn w/2nz said...

oh-oh...this is how it starts.. a little fumbling and mucking about and before you know it..BANG!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Chairman: Apologies! I will be back shortly.

Mr Coppens: Blognapping... I think I've been caught cat-napping.
I am still in my phase. I may need some smelling salts to revive me. Or a big snog.

Sx