Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Slugging It Out

When slugs die they leave great big blobs of jelly on footpaths and doorsteps. If you come into contact with a great big blob of jelly you are likely to slip and cause damage to your rear. It is a national disgrace that more isn't done to warn the general public about the perils of dead slugs. I propose that every bush and herbaceous border in England is surrounded by that yellow tape stuff to highlight this real and very present danger.

I thank you.

I still haven't moved.

74 comments:

KEVIN JACKSON said...

but did you sit in the slime - that's what I want to know . . .
I think you are victimising shrubs here with the threat of unnecessary legislation, each dead slug should have a marble urn placed to mark the smear of their passing, this way if we trip over it, we do at least fall forwards.
Just get on and move S dragging your slug-slimed-bruised rear behind.
Kx

PI said...

Funny you should say that Scarlet; last night- and I can't remember why - I walked through the back porch to the garage in my socked feet and squished one on the mat. Oh the horror!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Kevin: I'm very much liking the idea of marble urns and perhaps each urn should contain a teaspoon of salt? Perhaps the council should ladle salt everywhere. Throughout the year... I am not the only one... look what happened to Pat.
I hasten to add that it's not a good idea to rub salt in a wound.

Pat: You have my sympathy. A squashed slug on the sole of a shoe makes a horrible sticky sucky noise when you walk. But on a sock! Did you throw the sock away?

Sx

BEAST said...

My sympathy is with the poor slugs , slithering along minding their own business , then ***SPLAT***
You girls should look where your walking
I did however once stamp on a frog on my patio.(by mistake I will add , it was dark and raining)...that made a very nasty mess

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Beastie: A frog?! I have frogs in my living room... and snails... and slugs leave silvery trails aross the sofa. Perhaps I shouldn't be saying this about a property that I'm trying to sell..?
Sx

Roses said...

The horrors of squashed slugs and socks...

*shudders*

Do you have a cat that brings in the frogs? Or do you just like a lot of fresh air and they come in looking for lurve? Or a cuppa?

Rog said...

Poor little slugs. They are reduced to selling "Big Issue" round here but the Snails walk straight past...

xl said...

Miss Scarlet, I hope your rear makes a speedy and complete recovery.

mapstew said...

Ouch!

Salt. 'A Member' of our clan sprinkles salt on them.

I prefer black pepper and lemon juice! mmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Good to hear from you.

xxx

mago said...

Did it turn blue?

Gyppo Byard said...

Slugs are very interesting and much maligned creatures. I offer the following XXX-rated slug porn vid (with voiceover by David Attenborough) in evidence:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtD5dxTcXm4

As for treading on them, I find snails more traumatic and guilt-inducing - it's the pathos of the crunching noise that gets me...

savannah said...

too much nature, sugar! ;~D i miss you! xoxox

zIggI said...

Slugs, yeuch especially those ones tinged with orange **shudder**

Betty said...

Q: Where do slugs go for a better class of lunch?

A: A gastropodpub.

MJ said...

We have Banana slugs here, Miss Scarlet.

Whirlochre said...

You're not wrong about the slugs.

I once went camping in Cornwall — a futile exercise, I know, but I did.

On the first night, as I was zipping up the tent, I noticed one or two slugs lurking within range of my flaps, and decided to sprinkle a little salt round my entry so as not to be infested come morning.

But they came anyway. And, being slugs impaled on Saxa, they all died.

Gastropod mucus abounded.

Dave said...

I am amazed that no-one has made a remark laden with innuendo or even double entenre about your suggestion that every bush in England should be surrounded by yellow tape.

Don't worry, I won't either.

Sarah said...

I think it's Dave's age....

You can buy stuff that makes slugs implode, thus rendering their squishyness not so squishy, I think. It sounds a little ghoulish tho' and probably not very eco friendly.

EmmaK said...

Just sprinkle salt on them that shrivels them up and makes them no risk as they lose their sliminess.

Chairman Bill said...

Yeah - salt is anathema to them.

Chairman Bill said...

Or a jug of beer to drown them.

TechnoBabe said...

We saw slugs and all sorts of slimy creatures where we lived before we moved here to the mid west, haven't seen such things here yet. We will have to be careful not to slip on the ice in winter but no slugs, yeehaw!
Sorry if you slip on the slug juice.

tony said...

knowing My Luck I'd Trip over the yellow tape stuff........

Scarlet-Blue said...

Roses: I am like Dr Doolittle and I attract all sorts of amazing wee creatures.
The frogs just bounce in - I live near a stream.

Rog: Are you saying that slugs are simply homeless snails? Snails are like caravanners though, aren't they?

Mr XL: A bit of TLC and all will be fine.
Pssst... I might need my pillows fluffed.

Mr Maps: Salt is coming up as a favourite slug slaughtering weapon! Nice to see you too.

Mr Mags: No, it just turned to goo.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Gyppo: My God! The slug keeps it's penis in his head!!!
For hot slug action please click here
Many Thanks, Mr Gyppo.

Savvy: I'm gradually getting my act together! Probably best if you don't click on Mr Gyppo's link!

ZIggI: The orange ones eat just about anything... en masse. So so gross.

Betty: Let's make sure that the gastropodpub is well away from me. Have you seen what male slugs wear on their heads?

MJ: Hmmmm... this is all making sense isn't it? Mr Beastie is sympathising with the slugs. AND NOW WE KNOW WHY.

Mr Whirly: I'm going to toss some salt in my bush... that'll show'em... I'm not having them anywhere near my flaps.

Dave: I think Mr Whirly played merry with most of the innuendo up for grabs... maybe he was leaving the bush open for you?

Sarah: Does this stuff make the slugs go hard? It's not viagra is it?

Emmak: There must be some use for slugs. You'd think they could be employed down sewers or something wouldn't you. I mean what are slugs for?

Mr Chairman: We won't be wasting good alcohol here, Mr chairman, thank you very much!

Technobabe: I bet you have some mean creatures in the mid-west?

Tony: Yep, admittedly so would I? You could put a needle in a haystack and I'd prick my finger on it.

Sx

Madame DeFarge said...

I hate the onslaught of living things that besiege us at this time of year. Can't they keep their place in society?

xl said...

Miss Scarlet, the University of California at Santa Cruz's sports mascot is the Banana Slug!

mago said...

I was actually referring to the rear ... I am sorry, I have no idea what slugs are good for. The seemingly have no further or deeper meaning, the do not incorporate any idea, they just are. And I do not believe that they would have a chance in the sewer. Maybe they were created not by GOd itself but by a minor demiurg. Just for fun. And annoyance. Maybe a teen demon's test.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Madame D: I mean... snails are quite nice aren't they... as Mr Gyppo says, they induce guilt when you step on them... but slugs???? I don't fancy eating slugs... even the French can't make slugs sound good. Can they?

Mr XL: This makes sense... baseball and slugging... and the cartoon is cute... hang about... the word 'slugging'... is it in the urban dictionary...? I will check.

Mr Mags: I couldn't resist rhyming with my 'goo'! Before this post is dead, we will find a reason for the existence of slugs.
Maybe Lulu will know?

Sx

garfer said...

Salted slugs are nice.

They dissolve nicely.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I prefer snails because I don't feel queasy after stepping on them because they've eaten all the bedding plants *again.*

I've been buying packets of tiny worms that eat the slugs from the inside. That sounds really awful written down.

eroswings said...

They are nasty creatures to step on. Them and snails and frogs.

I agree with you that something must be done to protect the public. Will there be an agency to inspect and inform the public when the bushes are safe for public enjoyment again?

Ponita in Real Life said...

Slugs do have a job... they eat decaying plant matter. Unfortunately their slime seems to create that decaying plant matter, so as they slog their way through your garden, they are making their next meal as they go.

I have to admit that their glittery slime trails across the sidewalks are rather pretty, all squiggly and shiny.

And speaking of frogs, I once peeled a very flat (and quite decidedly dead) frog off the bottom of my horse's hoof. It was a frog on the frog (zIggI will probably be one of the few who understands that one!).

Gadjo Dilo said...

And the police whould draw with chalk around the outline of each slug that's been squished, for when forensics arrive.

Great that you're back, Scarley - did you move house?

Dave said...

Why can't the spiders who seem to be infesting my garden at the moment eat the slugs? Or vice versa?

KAZ said...

You may not have moved - but your words have moved me and may have saved me from a painful accident.
Thanks.

Gyppo Byard said...

The slug does indeed keep its willy in its head, in sharp contrast to most male humans, who keep their brains in their willies.

And slugs are hermaphrodites - twice the opportunities, twice the fun. Although the animal whose sex life I most envy is the sponge, which can fragment, bud, or have hermaphroditic sex with other sponges.

So if a sponge finds itself alone, it can produce another sponge asexually and then shag it. How cool is that?

Kate Lord Brown said...

Uggh slugs. Salt and/or beer does the trick. Why should you have to tolerate slime in your bush Miss Scarlet?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Garfer: If salt does this to slugs, what's it doing to our inners?

Kev: I beginning to feel a little mean... All these ways to kill slugs. We can drug them to make them go stiff... and then set worms on them. Are they Rotweiller worms?

Mr Swings: I think such an agency would be a jolly good idea. It could be the answer to the recent unemployment figures.

Ponita: Wouldn't it be fun if we could teach slugs to write! Then they could leave silvery messages in the moonlight!
I'm sure they're eating all the wrong things...

Gadj: Better make it special salty chalk.
And what natural predators do slugs have? Thrushes go for snails, but do they eat slugs?
I'm still trying to move, it's a flipping nightmare.

Dave: Oh yes... spiders zipping across the floor whilst you're trying to eat your tea.

Kaz: I like to provide a comprehensive service.
Next week: The dangers of cotton wool balls - who'd have thought! Stay tuned!

Mr Gyppo: It's a good job that humans aren't like sponges!
And I will make sure my sponge behaves itself whilst I am bathing. I wouldn't want it to get over excited whilst I'm working up a lather.

Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kate: Nothing worse than a slimey bush... but now, according to Mr Gyppo, we can't trust our sponges either... they are rampantly reproducing on the bath mat whilst are backs are turned.
The nice people at Boots don't warn us about the consequences of leaving sponges on their own, do they?
Sx

Donn w/2 Ns said...

My backyard boardwalk, deck, and patio, are all covered with shiny trails glistening in the sun.

I saw a big Slug still oot & aboot in the sunlight but I didn't have the heart to kill it. I'll leave that up to the Fates.

I had a big weazing Raccoon staring me down the other night and he wouldn't let me get to my vehicle...so slugs are the least of my worries. Oh sure I could have tried shooting it with the hose but I just took it as a sign that I wasn't supposed to go out of the yard.

I'm getting stupidstitious in my old age eh?

Kerrie said...

missed ya! I hate slugs especially the big orange buggers in my garden that look like mini hover craft. I use a fly swat to catapult them into the waste ground behind me and now I realise I am also helping reduce accident rates. I wonder if there is a claim line for this?. " Had an accident on a slug? Not your fault?
Call....

Gyppo Byard said...

The main natural predator of the slug is, believe it or not, the hedgehog. Another good reason tpo encourage your local hedgehogs to visit your garden, apart from the fact that they're cute and kids love them...

Dave said...

Chickens enjoy a nice tasty slug too.

rhinestonecatboy said...

Good to see you back Ms Blue. Sorry to hear you haven't up sticks yet.

Slugs you say? Mere Bagatelle, here at chez catboy we have mice the size of ferrets running around the bedroom like angry, hyperactive toddlers after four glasses of fizzy pop.

moreidlethoughts said...

We have leeches here. I could send you some if you like.(Please place you order ASAP as some doctors are returning to blood-letting.)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

When I was a little kid I use to pour salt on them and watch them dissolve. I feel kind of bad about it now. They're just slugs, for Christ's sake, but it was cruel.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Coppens: I had a snuffling badger in my hedgerow last night... weird, cos it was also wheezing. I am sure we're living some sort of parallel existence.

Kerrie: Do you think we could get Judith Chalmers to do the voice over for the ads? Or perhaps Joanna Lumley?

Mr Gyppo: I like hedgehogs. Do you know [possibly not but I'm about to tell you], I'm always seeing badgers and foxes and squirrels, but I can't remember the last time I saw a hedgehog. I just don't see them. Not even squashed on the lane.

Dave: I would keep chickens, but I don't think they'd last long due to the abundance of foxes.

Master Catboy: Erm... I don't like to worry you, Sweetie, but if you're mice are the size of ferrets then they might be rats!

Idlethoughts: Hello and Welcome! Erm... I think I'll give the leeches a miss for the time being!

Mr Banish: Hello and Welcome! I know, I'm the same. There are lots of creepy crawlies that I'm petrified of... but I don't like killing them. I don't think I'd enjoy being stamped on or sprayed with noxious pesticide. After all they're just doing what they were born to do.

Sx

Liam said...

How disgusting is that?. Okay top marks for original post.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Liam: Many thanks! I am just about getting back into the blogging habit.
Sx

Donn w/2 Ns said...

If I am not mistaken, there is a line in "Stairway To Heaven" that goes something like this..

If there's a snuffling Badger in your hedgerow,
Don't be alarmed now.

zIggI said...

chickens don't eat slugs but ducks do. Chickens eat spiders though so they're quite useful but not in the slug eradication dept.

Roses said...

*waves hand in the air*

Miss, miss...

Why do people waste good alcohol on slugs?

I know it kills them, but really. Why throw it on the floor when you can drink it?

Roses said...

Damn, I thought I was in school. MJ's gonna be mad.

*slinks away hopping not to get noticed*

Kevin Musgrove said...

Little tiny nematode worms doing as nature intended Scarly.

Spiders are crap at controlling slugs. When one invaded the living room window sill last year all I could hear off them was constant complaints about slime trails on their webs.

mutleythedog said...

I personally dont see why we cant eat slugs - we eat snails after all. With garlic butter maybe ?

Owen said...

Am new here, but thought you might like to know, in case you weren't aware of it, there is a lovely blog run by a couple of slugs out in the western USA, which you just might enjoy taking a look at, Mrs Slug is simply adorable, and they are very clever slugs, that I can assure you...:

http://babbler-slimyslugfriends.blogspot.com/

Happy slimy trails !

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Coppens: True, my hedgerow is probably heaven for a snuffling badger...

ZIggI: I hope Dave is reading and paying attention to this, but sadly I think he is off being a boy racer somewhere.

Roses: A very good point. Perhaps we should try meths and a zippo lighter? That'll sort 'em.
This is your homework for next week, btw. Please hand it in by next Friday.

Kev: I once had a pet spider. He lived behind the bath. I had the whole bathroom refitted and he survived in the same corner. And yes it was the same spider, his name was Harry, but he had kids. Odd.

Mutley: Exactly! I'm sure the French must have a recipe somewhere! Somebody must have tried slug trifle!???

Owen: Hello and welcome! I have paid a visit to the excellent slug blog! Which can be found HERE.

Sx

:: Wendy :: said...

I'm so glad you're back miss s, we've missed you in the Wendy House, we'll get the local scientists working on the slug-slime problem because it seems very widespread. I'll let you know what we turn-up

Owen said...

Dear Scarlet B., am glad to see you got over to Mr & Mrs Slug's place, they do offer a whole 'nother perspective on the life of slugs... and I sincerely hope your blue feeling was brief... I must say, you certainly seem to have a wide range of emotions, and visible signs of intelligence for... an inflatable doll. Perhaps advances in the technology of inflatable dolls have been made since I last looked at the catalogs full of them; maybe something akin to what happened in the Wizard of Oz has happened for inflatables, a way has been found to provide them with a heart and with a brain ? :-D

In any case, you raise a very valid point here in your post, which I'm sure Mr & Mrs Slug would be interested in giving some thought to; it does seem apparent from the outpouring of comments about this that there may be some serious deficiencies in the slug community with their field operations of mortuary services. I think slugs need to perhaps take some lessons from the ant community, and become more efficient at removing their dead from public thoroughfares and garden paths before any other type of creature could come along and slip on them, causing broken hip bones among the elderly, and bruised bottoms among the younger generations...

But as an inflatable doll, I would think you would simply have bounced right back up after falling on your backside... ???
:-D

Scarlet-Blue said...

Wendy: And I've missed visiting the Wendy House! I've missed visiting lots of places.
I look forward to the slime results.

Owen: It is true; I am very bouncey... a little parcel tape and a dab of superglue and I am fit as a fiddle!
I have a heart, but the brain isn't always fully functional. Anyhow, I am very pleased to hear that Mr and Mrs Slug are looking at ways of dealing with sluggy remains. I look forward to reading about their possible solutions and will add you all to my blogrol post haste.

Sx

mago said...

When using a WIG one better puts down the wig. Or it will vanish in the Caspian Sea.
No slugs involved.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: I don't want my wig flying off anywhere!
I don't think they have slugs on planes. Do they?
Sx

mago said...

At aerophlot the slugs would have no chance because of all the vodka involved ...

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: Genius, Mr Mags! I could use the slugs as swizzle sticks in my Moscow Mules!
Sx

Ginro said...

If you need someone to look after you whilst you recover then I am very good at that.

My word verification is 'thing'. I wonder if the next one will be shakespeare?

Word Verification Code said...

shakespeare

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ginro: How did you do that?!
Sx

Mitzi said...

I only have hatred in my heart for those nasty molluscs. I was flooded in 2007 and my living room, kitchen and conservatory was inundated with them (Not to mention silverfish!) They even got inside my laundry basket, how, I don't know, when I came to sort through it, to take to my mother's to wash, I noticed their silver trails all over my smalls and just my smalls. I even showed them to the polish workers who were there at the time fitting a new kitchen, but they didn't understand, they just blushed.

mago said...

Finally WVC has it's own blog ... in retrospect this will be a famous and important act: Intelligence IS artificial.

Ginro said...

I...I...I just don't know.
Do I have some secret power that's so secret that even I am not aware of it?
Or worse still, as Mago said, it finally has it's own blog! Next thing we know the WVC will be saying "All your base are belong to us."

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mitzi: Hello and Welcome!
The Polish workers sound like they had very good taste and a flood is better than a few drips.

Mr Mags: Word Verification is the bane of my life, let's not encourage him.

Ginro: So long as he doesn't start leaving boxes of code around, I don't mind if he starts flashing.
Did that sentence make sense? It's still very early.

Sx

Ginro said...

You need to Google it, lol.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Ginro: I did!!! That's why I hoped it made sense!
Sx