Friday, 30 October 2009

Happy Halloween!

It was a dark dark night. The moon was full of cream cheese and bats flapped around in front of it like they do at the start of all good scary movies. There were a few stars scattered around as well, just to highlight how dark it was.
It was 1970. Peter and Tracy were huddled to together on the sofa and were being forced by their evil step-mother to watch repeats of 'The Singing Ringing Tree'...

...which would lead to them having a life long fear of dwarfs; men dressed up as bears and beached whales...

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Cold Calling

Cold callers can be annoying but also rather fun. They usually ring to ask you to switch your energy provider or broadband connection. There is a simple and effective method of dealing with them.
Firstly they will ask if you are the homeowner. Always say 'no'. It is imperative that you do not expand on this simple negative. 'No' will suffice. They will then ask if they can speak to the homeowner. Again, reply 'no'. They will then ask if you are a relative of the homeowner. Reply 'no' [can you see a pattern forming?]. At this point you might be able to discern a faint hint of frustration in the voice of the cold caller who may go on to ask if you are a friend or neighbour of the homeowner. Reply 'no'. The cold caller will then ask you who you are. You now have the cold caller in the palm of your hand.
Suitable replies:-
Vera Lynn
Princess Ann
A burglar. [My personal favourite]

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Not About Bushes

For the time being I don't want to look at the dratted white flag when I come to my blog but I have bugger all to write about. Recent popular subjects have included slugs [slugs score very highly on this blog it seems], Smeg fridge freezers and Kent bashing. Bushes have been popular but I think I may have overworked my bush...?
Joan Collins was on the telly last night, doing her bit to give British women a shot of glamour.... so I'll throw her into the mix... she's always good value for money...

Anyhow... that's better than looking at the dratted white flag. And many thanks for all of your kind and supportive comments.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

A Short Post

For his 200th blog post Mr Whirly ran an 'undulatory' competition. I entered and my name was first out of his hat so I won a prize!!!!!

It may look like a short post but it's so much more and I am very pleased with it.

Other news: At my request Z has named a cow after me! And you can see her here. I am extremely chuffed. No field or farmyard is complete without a Scarlet.
Further news: Mrs P is back and is taking requests.
More news: Monty Python is 40 and I think this Youtube ties this short post together quite nicely...

I am no longer sulking.

Saturday, 3 October 2009


Sulking is not pretty. I think it probably encourages wrinkles. But sometimes it's the only option available. So I am sulking. I'm quite good at it.
Playing merry with my bush is one thing, removing a whole tree is another.