Wednesday, 28 April 2010

A Quick Quiz....


I will be absent from my blogging post for 2 weeks from Sunday. Is this because:-

a) I am jetting away on an exotic holiday.
b) I am standing trial for my crimes against advertisers.
c) I am standing trial for my unruly bush.
d) I have become embroiled in a relationship with a handsome Welshman.
e) I am improving my arsenic bleaching skills for my role as Official Infomaniac Beautician.

During my absence I will be wearing:-

a) Nothing.
b) A smart Vivienne Westward suit. With purple velvet sling-backs and a feather boa.
c) A wry smile and a short denim skirt from Primark.
d) A wax jacket and wellies.
e) A white straitjacket.

I am hoping to attain:-

a) An all over suntan.
b) Freedom.
c) Understanding and a freebie bic razor.
d) Toned hips and thighs.
e) An internationally recognised qualification.

To do this I will be:-

a) Slathered in coconut oil and wrapped in tin foil and baked at 230 degrees.
b) Lying a lot.
c) Pleading for mercy.
d) Walking for miles and throwing a ball for my new man.
e) Fiddling with test tubes and learning how to have a steady hand with a spatula.

Whilst I'm away you will:-

a) Miss me.
b) Send me money to pay for my counsel.
c) Laugh at my predicament.
d) Wait for photographic evidence.
e) Book an appointment with me so that I can practice my new and groundbreaking skills.

For answers please look in the comment box. I thank you for your participation.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Advert Music Tuesday

I am feeling lazy this morning. So I am posting tomorrow's post today. This piece of music is also lazy and is being used in the new Dulux paint advert. I think that's all I have to say about it... other than it suits my mood because it has a lovely lazy lilt... oh, and I can also play it on my saxophone.

Other news: My BMI is down to 20.37 [height to weight ratio... or sommink - means I've lost a few pounds], my bum and thighs are beginning to look toned... but I still have a stubborn bit of muffin. I will persevere.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Election Special!!!!

For those of you who are still dithering over who to vote for, here is a simple guide:-

For those of you wishing to keep the Tories out - vote Liberal.
For those of you wishing to keep Labour out - vote Liberal.
For those of you wishing to keep the Liberals out - vote Liberal.
For those of you wanting a Labour government - vote Tory.
For those of you wanting a Tory government - vote Labour.
For those of you wanting a Liberal government - vote Green.
For those of you still confused - vote for Icelandic Volcanic Ash Party [They are environmentally friendly and have already grounded many planes.]

I hope this alleviates all confusion. The rule is to never ever ever vote for what you believe in. This is social death. Be cunning and always keep'em guessing.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Dear Scarlet....


Hi Scarletblue

I've just Googled my way to your web-site and a blog you wrote last August titled That's Life, So Wot?
I was particularly interested in your reply to a comment made by Wendy when you said -

Wendy: I feel more like a teapot at the moment! I love hot water bottles. It's because they smell of hot rubber. Odd.

I love hot water bottles too and always had a craving for the smell of the hot rubber. I've always thought it was odd too and never been able to understand why it is. Until recently I'd never heard anyone else say they like the smell of hot water bottles, but a Google search shows that many people feel the same way.
I like the smell of the hot rubber because I associate it with comfort and warmth. Why do you like the smell?

I love my hot water bottles so much I get rather attached to them and don't like throwing them away even when they get old. What do you do with your old ones?

When this missive first fell into my inbox I was a little dubious, suspecting that the writer was trying to coerce me into a hot rubber discussion of a seedy nature. I was worried about where it might lead. But after consideration, I think it's quite sweet - simply one hot rubber lover connecting with another. I do indeed like the smell of hot water bottles.... but in answer to the query: as with any other kind of perishable rubber product, I throw the old ones out because they tend to leak and make the sheets wet. I hope this helps.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Do you want to give up smoking? Do you like old classic movies? Then it couldn't be easier; simply dress up as your favourite film star and suck on a tampon.

Friday, 9 April 2010

A Battle of Will

As you might have noticed, I am having a sulk. Why? Well last week I was rather more stupid than usual and I bought some precision bathroom scales. I have been in a foul mood ever since. I am not suggesting that I am overweight [I am NOT... in the same way that I am NOT ginger!!!!!!!]... just perhaps slightly heavier than I thought I was. Losing a couple of pounds would make my jeans less snug. Anyhow, I have cut down on my food intake and have turned my nose up at all the muffins and crumpets that have been on offer. A friend has now informed me that cutting too many calories can make the body think that it is starving and therefore the metabolism will slow down. I think the body should leave the thinking to the brain. And if the body is so fiendishly clever, how come the metabolism doesn't rapidly speed up when all extra muffin calories are consumed to compensate? That's what I'd like to know...

I will try to stop sulking by Monday, when hopefully I will be back to my usual lithesome, slinky self.