Wednesday, 28 April 2010

A Quick Quiz....


I will be absent from my blogging post for 2 weeks from Sunday. Is this because:-

a) I am jetting away on an exotic holiday.
b) I am standing trial for my crimes against advertisers.
c) I am standing trial for my unruly bush.
d) I have become embroiled in a relationship with a handsome Welshman.
e) I am improving my arsenic bleaching skills for my role as Official Infomaniac Beautician.

During my absence I will be wearing:-

a) Nothing.
b) A smart Vivienne Westward suit. With purple velvet sling-backs and a feather boa.
c) A wry smile and a short denim skirt from Primark.
d) A wax jacket and wellies.
e) A white straitjacket.

I am hoping to attain:-

a) An all over suntan.
b) Freedom.
c) Understanding and a freebie bic razor.
d) Toned hips and thighs.
e) An internationally recognised qualification.

To do this I will be:-

a) Slathered in coconut oil and wrapped in tin foil and baked at 230 degrees.
b) Lying a lot.
c) Pleading for mercy.
d) Walking for miles and throwing a ball for my new man.
e) Fiddling with test tubes and learning how to have a steady hand with a spatula.

Whilst I'm away you will:-

a) Miss me.
b) Send me money to pay for my counsel.
c) Laugh at my predicament.
d) Wait for photographic evidence.
e) Book an appointment with me so that I can practice my new and groundbreaking skills.

For answers please look in the comment box. I thank you for your participation.


Scarlet Blue said...

Mostly a's: You are new to Scarlet Blue and need to read more posts.

Mostly b's: You have a firm grasp of what happens on the Scarlet Blue blog and recognise the importance of my work in deconstructing the commercial industry. All money will be gratefully received. And spent.

Mostly c's: You are a broadminded warm hearted character with a great sense of humour and a penchant for bush jokes.

Mostly d's: There's no pulling the wool over your eyes, is there? You are spot on! I will be away to look after a border collie.

Mostly e's: You have a splendid imagination and are always willing to suspend disbelief for the good of the blog. Please pop behind the screen; take your clothes off; lie back on the chaise longue and put your feet in the stirrups. I can do amazing things with a Dyson crevice attachment....


xl said...

I voted all "a." I am foolishly optimistic ... and hoping for photographs!

PS: As I understand it, there are lots of gingers in Wales.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Sorry for spewing my stupidity all over your blog but I had to Google Dyson crevice attachment. My expectations were a bit higher. Bon voyage. Happy landings. Give him a proper scratch behind his ear.

Clyde said...

Thats CCDCD---
Something to do with appreciation of a nice bush and photographic proof

fairyhedgehog said...

I'll miss you - and wait for photographic evidence!

Whatever you're doing, have fun.

nick said...

The real answers are of course (f) none of the above. So best of luck with that commission to relaunch the Toyota brand as a top-quality, world-class product. If anyone can do it, you can.

Of course I may secretly laugh at your predicament as you plead for mercy....

Leah said...

I was going to go for the Ds! I am delighted with my own perspicacity, especially as I have been absent these last few weeks.

: )

The Lovely Bones said...


d) Walking for miles and throwing a ball for my new man.....this sort of gave it away for me that you were dog sitting....fancy taking my unruly Labrador too?

P.S....I shall miss you :-(
The world of blogger will be sooooo dull without you.

Enjoy yourself.

Take care

TLB xx

Autolycus said...

Before reading your key, I would have said a or d, with the distinct possibility that the answer might be "all of the above". But if it's d, well, you can verify that he's handsome, but are you really sure he's Welsh? An unlikely combination, surely?

PS. You missed a trick with the latest John Lewis ad, methinks..

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr XL: Mr XL!!!! Mostly a's!!! I think you ought to re-do the quiz.

Mr Banish: He likes his tummy ticked... and the Dyson is very good at picking up dog hair.

Mr Clyde: I suppose it does make more sense if you mix up the answers...

Fairyhedgehog: I will remember to take some pics of my companian.

Nick: Shhhh.... I am in tentative talks with Toyota... it's very senstive.

Leah: I should have done prizes really...! Yep, simply dog sitting duty.

Ms Lovely: The more the merrier! I like labradors too.

Mr Auty: SSSHHHHHHHH!!!! I am working on the John Lewis ad!!!!


Scarlet Blue said...

*tickled*.... goodness me, I don't want to deal with ticks...

Lulu LaBonne said...

My local paper says you were apprehended last week jetting away to avoid standing trial for multiple crimes against advertisers, unruly shubbery and improving your arsenic bleaching skills on handsome Welshmen.
So you won't be dong that this week. Now I see that you are going into hiding - Go Girl xxx

MJ said...

Mostly e's.

Here's what I have to say about the whole thing...

While I’d like to believe that you’re jetting away on an exotic holiday with a handsome Welshman, I know that in fact you’re improving your arsenic bleaching skills for your role as Official Infomaniac Beautician.

Although I don’t know how much work you can get done in a straitjacket.

The straitjacket also limits your chances for an all-over suntan.

I’ll miss you terribly however I’m so embroiled in this court case with The Infomaniac House of Beauty versus The Mean Dirty Pirate Leprosarium that I’ll hardly know you’re gone.

the eternal worrier said...

I’ve never seen a librarian like the one in your picture. If I had, I may have spent more time at the library.

Scarlet Blue said...

Lulu: By all accounts I sound a little wayward!
...I must get my hands on a Vivienne Westwood suit and a Primark denim skirt...

MJ: I have evidence that that it was Mr Pirate himself who polluted the Infomaniac vodka supply causing plague and pestilence amongst the bitches [he dipped IVD's warty wand in it]. He also fiddled with the butter sticks. And crumbled an abrasive skin irritant into the skin purifying dung. I have it all on film.

Mr Worrier: Alas, she's all grown up now and favours a beige cardy.


TechnoBabe said...

I hope you take photos. You have a good sense of humor. Crusty. Snarky.

Pat said...

I swear I have written 4xD's and the final is A because I will miss you dammit and I've just got back.
I did visualise a man rather than a dog so keep your eyes skinned.

Scarlet Blue said...

Techybabes: 'Snarky' is one of my favourite words!

Pat: Well, you do meet people when you're dog walking...


Princess said...

Dear Miss Scarlet,

Miss you already dhaaarling...

I shall pop several corks in celebtation of your tour de force...

Just remember that you can escape from a straight jacket by shoulder dislocation. It only hurts when you pop it back in....


I saw one of those actors do it in a movie once....

Oh and don't forget to down at least half a bottle of tequila before proceeding with the manouver...

Have lots and lots of adventures at the seaside won't you?


kyknoord said...

I like to mix 'n' match. Favourite combo thus far: C B A E D. Have fun.

Dave said...

All D's.

I'm away too.

Happy Frog and I said...

It will be quiet in blog land without you, but I will be looking forward to your return! :-)

ayem8y said...

I now exactly where you will be! Locked away in my courthouse basement awaiting trail for crimes of sabotage, espionage and dispensing plagues all while operating without a license.

ziGGi said...

have a lovely time with your welshman/dog

Geoff said...

I used to dog sit Cindy when she was old and confused but still able to go walkies!

Kerrie said...

Dear Scarlet, I am A'ing you already.
Dear god I do hope it's not the Welshman, therefore I am voting C. Please post my bush trimmer back when you have finished as I can't last a fortnight without it.

Z said...

The answer to the last question is certainly a. Have a good time!

Malc said...

I went for (d) all the way through, which probably means I'm more dull and sensible than I thought.

moreidlethoughts said...

Well, I knew the dog would have to figure. But I also thought you might be working on a re-vamp of the old Smirnoff ads (which you are probably too young* to remember!)when I saw that librarian picture.Have a jolly time.Take a Welshman. er-I mean a photo.

*If you are too young to remember I'm sure several of us could help out.

Madame DeFarge said...

Oh, I'm so confused. My answers were all inherently contradictory. I'm a living hung parliament. Wherever you are, I'll miss you - is that okay?

wendy house said...

Dear Ms. SB, please pack your postal vote and blog some post cards when you get back, I'll prune a few plants in you honour, best wishes, ::W::

BEAST said...

Dammit , I got confused . Bloody multiple choice. I will miss you anyways

mapstew said...

'Walking the Dog' eh?

Have a good one, and see ye soon! :¬)


eroswings said...

I will be absent from my blogging post for 2 weeks from Sunday. Is this because:-

f) All of the above

You are jetting away on an exotic holiday with your handsome Welshman, who's defending you against charges from advertisers, and helping you tame that unruly bush and improve your skills as a beautician.

During my absence I will be wearing:-

a) Nothing.

I am hoping to attain:-

a) An all over suntan.

To do this I will be:-

d) Walking for miles and throwing a ball for my new man.
f) And if he does it right, he'll have you begging for mercy!

Whilst I'm away you will:-

a) Miss me.
d) Wait for photographic evidence.
e) Book an appointment with me so that I can practice my new and groundbreaking skills.
f) Wish you a lovely journey and a safe return!

Roses said...

Typical, I make it back and you bugger off. Humpf.

Have a great time taming your unruly bush with the Welshman. You'll need the Dyson attachment for sure.

Failing that, enjoy throwing the ball for your new dog on the beaches.

Hugs honey. Have a great time.

Eryl Shields said...

I thought they were all red herrings and that you had finally succumbed to something you felt unable to share, jut yet.

I look forward to photographic evidence when you are ready.

Scarlet Blue said...

Missy Princess: To be honest I'm hoping for a quiet life... but I will make sure I take some snaps... and hopefully the hound won't dislocate my shoulder!

Mr Kinky: I will try to get a snap of myself in my Vivienne Westwood suit fiddling with my spatula then.

Dave: I don't think you know if you're coming or going...?

Happyfroggy: Time will go in a flash. By the time I get back we will all be fed up with the new government and preparing for the next election!


Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Pirate: Hello and Welcome!
- but enough with the usual pleasantries - Nonsense! It was YOU who committed all of the aforementioned misdemeanours and it is YOU who will be bound and gagged and put under house arrest in the Infomaniac Plaid Room, AND... it is YOU who will be made to wear a dodgy pair of sandals [see sub-section 5, paragraph 3 of the Informanic Bitches Handbook - appendix 307].


Scarlet Blue said...

ZiGGi: I will... and I will take with me lots of doggy treats.

Geoff: I just hope that someone is as kind to me when I'm old and confused.

Kerrie: D'ya think we ought to start waxing instead?
Anyhow, I will miss blogging too.
I might be able to sneak on occasionally.

Z: Thank you! Please look after young Dave!

Malc: Maybe it means that I'm more dull and sensible than everyone thinks?!

Mr More: Did you mean something like this?

Madame D: Not to worry! I have confused myself now!

Wendy: Oh crikey... yes my postal vote... and postcards... I have a lot to remember.

Mr Beastie: Just pick any letters and I will role play.

Mr Maps: Thank you! See you soon.

Mr Swings: You are jetting away on an exotic holiday with your handsome Welshman, who's defending you against charges from advertisers, and helping you tame that unruly bush and improve your skills as a beautician.

If only there was such a man as versatile as this!

Roses: I won't be flying but they'll probably be a tidal wave up the Thames that will prevent me coming home! It's been a strange year and I'm pleased that you eventually got home safely.

Eryl: Truth be known, I spend most of life in wellies and a wax jacket - please don't tell anyone.



Kevin Musgrove said...

I had this mental image of you shacked up in a beach hut in Cleethorpes with a Welshman with prosthetic testicles. Which possibly suggests I've been overworking.

You will be bringing us back lumps of Winalot with "kiss me quick" written all the way through, won't you?

Scarlet Blue said...

Kev: Oh, I'd love a beach hut... I'd paint it mint green and white and hang red gingham curtains in the windows... and I'd have a plastic multi-coloured ribboned fly-screen.
i've been thinking about this.

Mitzi said...

I'd love to walk the dog whilst wearing a Vivienne Westward suit, with purple velvet sling-backs and a feather boa.

Have fun in your wax jacket and remember what Barbara Woodhouse would say:

If you have a naughty dog, no matter what the breed, to make him do the things you say... choke him with your lead.

Whirlochre said...

I think you ought to wear a wax jacket and wellies regardless, whatever you're doing and wherever you're going — just for that extra touch of class.

mago said...

Sorry, my brain gently stops working, again. Two weeks? Oh ... Down there in Welshland the entrance to the other side is not too far away I heared, so do not accidentially step on or in something or someone please, one pissed fairy and puff!

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'm quite worried about this: that was exactly the description of the hut I was thinking about. There also has to be a transistor radio - one of those sky blue and white Bush radios with a big clear plastic tuning dial - and two deck chairs made out of Nicholas Parsons' old summer blazers.

(Is this a bad moment to admit that I *have* seen a librarian like the one in the picture. One of the moments when I was seriously tempted to cross to the dark side.)

Eryl Shields said...

Just a wax jacket and wellies?

I'll go halves with you on a beach hut, I love mint green and gingham.

Gadjo Dilo said...

d, a, b, a, f: Cry myself to sleep every night with my moist, trembling hand still clutching the computer mouse, emotionally unable to navigate away from your blog until you return!

Scarlet Blue said...

Mitzi: Barbara Woodhouse was a terrifying creature. Walkies! followed by a harsh yank on the lead... and that was how she treated the owners.

Mr Whirly: Seriously, I've once been mistaken for a game keeper!

Mr Mags: You take it easy, and look after yourself whilst I'm away. Alas, my welsh doggie is no longer living in magical Wales.

Kev: Was this a privatised library?

Eryl and Kev: Since we are all reading from the same page of the Beach Hut Lover's Bible, shall we do time share together? It makes sense as beach huts are so expensive.
I am determined to get a Roberts radio this Christmas. It will look fetching next to the Smeg.

Gadj: You have made me blush!!!

I must get on with my packing!


Dave said...

Have a lovely break. Don't spend every minute of the day missing me.

ziGGi said...

although Scarlet he did spend every minute of the day (and night) missing you and he spoke about you
e n d l e s s l y.

nick said...

Okay then, Scarlet, I'll see you lunchtime on Tuesday at the Dog and Duck. But don't tell anyone else, they'll only get jealous.

Jimmy Bastard said...

I've always seen you as a double D... double D... double D.

mago said...

Are you gone now?

Macy said...

A Border Collie no less???
Presumably because you like those strong, determined, rugged types.. wind blowing through their unruly locks as they face out over all they control..

French Fancy said...


Was I right - I have to go and see

10 secs later ... LIAR, you little liar - you will not be wearing a wax jacket and wellies. You will be wearing nothing, you little minx. Hope the boyo lived up to all expectations...

come back to us from those valleys (no doubt he will not want to leave yours alone)

Mark Sanderson said...

Yes, answer A. There's nothing like getting a tanned johnson. Even better if someone doesn't mind sorting you out with sunblock.

EmmaK said...

I don't know what to think but I'm pretty sure you're embroiled with the handsome Welshmen but are there any handsome Welshies apart from Tom Jones. Do let us know when you come up for air!

Borah said...

surprisingly, I ended up scribbling "ACDC E?" on my notepad and jumped to the conclusion that you've decided to finally focus on your musical career and go on tour with ACDC.

But hey, don't knock Wales, I think the Welsh beaches are very exotic!

Roses said...

Have you and the Welshman finishing taming your unruly bush yet?

MJ said...

Time to come home!

Kerrie said...

Scarlet when are you coming back? Kaz is missing Jimmy is missing! All my favourite bloggers are legging it. Is it something I said? Do I smell? Am I turning ginger? Have you finished with my bush trimmer? So many questions.

mago said...

Are you back now?

Scarlet Blue said...

I am back! But I need a little time to remember how to use a pc!

mago said...

Grab the mouse firmly.