Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes



Do you want to give up smoking? Do you like old classic movies? Then it couldn't be easier; simply dress up as your favourite film star and suck on a tampon.

71 comments:

The Lovely Bones said...

Morning Scarlet :-)

Alternatively.....carry on smoking, develop throat nodules, have them surgically removed....and then give up smoking....worked for me....on reflection smoking a tampon may have been more effective lol.

TLB x

Dave said...

Glad I don't need to give up smoking.

eroswings said...

I thought there was gum for people who wanted to stop smoking.

For a second there, I thought they were smoking a blunt.

nick said...

I've never smoked ciggies, once or twice smoked dope, never smoked tampons. I could do with something to cure my addiction to anxiety though.

The Lovely Bones said...

Smoking tampons?.....not recommended lol.

Scarlet Blue said...

Lovely bones: Good morning!
Oh. Another one of my missions... to give up smoking. I did, for two years, and then it all went off-piste.

Dave: I've done it once... I turned into a ratty cow for three weeks... but then I felt wonderful. Unfortunately I started again.

Mr Swings: I had to look 'blunt' up. You mean cigar?
I used lozenges for two weeks when I gave up. They did weird things to my stomach.

Nick: Did you inhale?
Anxiety addiction: try squeezing something soft in a firm manner.

The Lovelybones: They're also useless when dunked in tea.

Sx

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Can you imagine Rick Blaine, Ilsa Lund and Victor Laszlo with one of these? It would have murdered a great film.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Banish: Presisely!
Sx

Pat said...

I gave up smoking in '77 without the aid of a dummy(comforter), patches or hypnosis.
A visit to a health farm was the trigger.

mago said...

I feel kinda seasick now ...

Started last year again (after ten smoke-free years!) while doing these awful nightshifts but stopped when I gave up the job, 31.12.09. Now and then I would like to smoke a small light cigar, but see - I am alive without this and can move without gasping for air.

Stopping to smoke AND stopping to have sweets is a bad combination. When I gave up smoking the first time I had to use sweets for a kind of replacement I gained 5 to 8 kilograms and they staied with me for some years.
Its different now. Eleven years ago I had withdrawal symptoms and needed an oral intake. Now I need simply a deep breath.

Good luck. You simply do not need it.

TechnoBabe said...

I stopped smoking in 1981. I am so glad I did. At the time I was playing a lot of tennis and I could tell how much more air I was getting after a few months. I wish you strength and good health as you wean off the cigs.

xl said...

Never smoked. Never used tampons. Am I missing something?

The Lovely Bones said...

Afternoon Scarlet :-)

Tampon's dunked in tea?....prefer my tea/coffee with a chocolate digestive, not a Hob"Knob" ;-) their just plain wrong - anything else and the beverage is just too wet ;-) but hey I'm broadminded so whatever floats ya boat down there in Devon....cream tea's & tampons now there's a nice market if ever I saw one...;-)..lol.

As for giving up smoking managed without patches etc....the health scare was enough incentive for me thanks....oh and the ban on smoking in pubs etc helps - 6 years smoke free now....

TLB xx

The Lovely Bones said...

xl...

Missing anything???

Smoking maybe....tampons probably not... ;-)

Rog said...

I'm wearing a pair of nicorettes and sucking on a fag.

Please excuse the shaky handwriting...

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Banish: I meant 'precisely'. I get a bit messy when 'c' and 's' feature in the same word.

Pat: I'm waiting for the morning I wake up with grim determination - that's what I did last time.

Mr Mags: I was very good when I last gave up smoking. Instead of eating sweets I nibbled on dry fruit and when I got ansty I took myself off on a nice long walk. I was probably the healthiest I'd ever been.

Techybabe: I know that my saxophone has better tone when I'm not smoking. This should be an incentive for me.

Mr XL: You are missing nothing... although if you get a nose bleed, a tampon could come in handy.

The Lovely Bones: But don't pubs smell odd these days? Mostly of toilet cleaner and body odour...

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Rog: Why wasn't I invited to this party?
Sx

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

Indeed they do and with shifty looking groups of people standing outside.....smoking..lol.

I find the only time I miss a cigarette is when i'm drinking.....solution?.......give up drinking......not a chance ;-)

TLB xx

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

As for waiting for the morning you wake up with grim determination....try the grim look on the surgeon's face when he tells you that the nodules were caused by smoking and being in smokey places...i.e pubs. Twas enough of an incentive for me.

Oh and another thing....if you do end up having an operation to remove throat nodules listen to the advice when they say do not speak after the op...I forgot and when I came round immediately asked what the time was.....the look I got from the rocovery room nurse said it all......there's always one....

P.S I'm not being anti smoking (I hope)...it just didn't agree with my throat....

Scarlet Blue said...

Lovely Bones: Goodness! Well I hope I don't grow nodules!
I hope I don't see film stars smoking tampons. Or even dunking them.
Sx

Dave said...

It's an odd fact that I knew no smokers before I started blogging; since then I've met 5 young ladies (all of whom born after the death-dealing effect of fags was common knowledge) who smoke. None adequately have explained why they have been so foolish.

Fortunately none have invited me to kiss them; I imagine it would be like licking an ash-tray. I may, of course, be wrong. Perhaps you can clarify.

Having ministered to a number of people as they have died from lung cancer, it's not an ebd I would wish upon anyone. Sorry to be serious.

nick said...

Try squeezing something soft in a firm manner? Goodness, are you volunteering?

I did inhale, but dope was pretty feeble in those days. LSD was better.

The Lovely Bones said...

Dave,

I have no excuse for starting smoking except to say most of my school mates did...and when you stop to think about it it's pretty pointless. Might as well roll a fiver up and watch that burn....ho hum.

My we are getting serious on this blog...soon put a stop to that...

When considering smoking a tampon....remember they can be buggers to light...;-)

Scarlet Blue said...

Nick: Yeah, go on then I'll volunteer...
LSD... once, and never ever forgotten.

The Lovely Bones: Ha Ha! I should have stuck to my original plan and posted about the General Election. Less controversial.

Sx

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

General Election?.....yawn....I was bored on day 1 :-( please don't go all PC...

General erection......could be interesting....

Scarlet Blue said...

Ms Lovely: ...yeah, so was I.

Dave: I'm huffy now. There was I thinking I'd found another joyous use for the humble tampon. I try, I really do. But now I give up.
*vanishes in a huff of scarlet [or a puff of stinking smoke] - whatever...*

Sx

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

Was it something I said?
:-(....I didn't mean to offend.

Dave said...

Sorry. I seem to be something of an evangelist on this subject. I've already learned not to mention the subject to Roses.

I'll buy you a nice cup of earl grey and a cream scone in the summer, to take your mind off the weed.

French Fancy said...

I gave up nine years and four stone ago. Yes, I became a porker once I stopped. Obviously there are other forms of oral gratification than food, but food is fun. Anyway the battle is now on to shift the lard - one stone gone.

Give up Scarlet (there is nothing worse than an ex-smoker banging on about giving up, is there?)

Scarlet Blue said...

Ms Lovely: It is impossible for you to cause offence... you have a beautiful doggy avatar....

Dave:...on the other hand, knows that he has to offer up plenty of creamy things to placate me...

French Fancy: Many congrats on losing the stone!
Sigh. I was an ex-smoker once. Being an ex-smoker is something to be proud of.... but, smoking does have a few advantages... like when you're somewhere you don't want to be, you can excuse yourself by nipping out for a fag... you see... it has it's uses...

Sx

BEAST said...

I like smoking
and eating donuts
I tried smoking Tena Lady pads as a quitting technique , but they made a ghastly pall of smoke so went back to silk cut

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Beastie: We shall have to huddle in the smoking shelter together and try to look dignified come wind, rain and hail... which is actually a bit of an artform...
Sx

Happy Frog and I said...

It's funny, I saw that advert the other day and wondered if it would be getting the Scarlet Blue treatment. Quitting smoking is so hard, but it is nice to be able to taste food properly. I did have to move out of London pretty sharpish though when my sense of smell came back! ;-)

Eryl Shields said...

I'm down to about five a day, and I make myself go outside whatever the weather, but still I cling to the beastly habit. I love those five, that's the problem.

And when I hear things like 'I put on four stone when I gave up' it terrifies me!

nick said...

{{{squeeze}}}

Mmmm, that was the best squeeze I've had in a long while. No nasty shapewear to spoil the experience. Oh, where were we? Can I dress up as Marilyn Monroe now or do I have to be a smoker first?

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

On further thought....your take on each political parties manifesto (or election advert) would, it goes without saying; but I shall anyway be original and highly amusing. So go on you know you want to.... ;-)

Releaved of the Home counties...

TLB xx

Jimmy Bastard said...

You're such a classy gal!

Kerrie said...

I think Tampon smoking may be a bit of a fire hazzard, I like the dressing up part though. Could we just do that?

mapstew said...

I once found a tampon in me pint! Couldn't miss really! :¬)

xxx

Kevin Musgrove said...

I did wonder if this advert was just picking up on the vogue for vampires.

I've lived with enough smokers to know they don't taste of ashtrays. Well, not entirely.

Macy said...

There isn't a day goes by that I don't miss smoking..
Proper smoking, smoking sat in a pub with a pint smoking.
Smoking over a brandy after a good meal smoking.
Smoking over coffee and croissants smoking.
Good to have the memories.

KEVIN JACKSON said...

I don't accept non-smokers on my blog.
...
Is that what I'm doing wrong?
mmm . . .

Princess said...

Dear Miss Scarlet,

I have heeded your warning and have been lighting tampons all day.
They're not quite the same as ciggies are they, and must be an aquired taste i think...
I shall be resuming the old practice in the morning. XXX

Scarlet Blue said...

Happy Froggy: Even though I took up smoking again I still find smoky atmospheres difficult. I, like Eryl, always smoke outside... it's the only way I get any fresh air.

Eryl: Putting on weight when you quit is a myth. You have to eat low calorie snacks to starve off the craving and go for lots of walks. I lost weight when I gave up. It can be done, I promise.
I got down to eight fags when it was cold and snowy... crept back up to eleven now that the weather is better... but Dave stressed me out yesterday, so I had twelve!

Nick: I thought you were dressed up as Marilyn Monroe?

Ms Lovely: I somehow think it would be prudent for me to stay out of politics... I don't want to end up with a broken blog!

Mr Jimmy: I know! I have poise, style, and lots of soggy tampons....

Kerrie: Yes... today Kerrie, I'm going to be Lillian Gish...as my hair has taken on a charmingly dishevelled look... and I've lost my hair straighteners...

Mr Maps: Apologies. That was me trying to get your attention.

Kev: Indeed... I do know how to use toothpaste, mouthwash and extra strong mints, for that special tingly feeling.

Macy: I remember. I don't do proper smoking either. I do 'I shouldn't be doing this really, but it reminds me of when I was a sneaky 15 yr old smoker hiding from my mum' sort of smoking.

Mr Jackson: I wonder what David Hockney would have to say about it all?

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Missy Princess: I don't think the tampon idea was one of my best... but they could be used as filters on a giant rolly?

Sx

The Lovely Bones said...

Afternoon Scarlet,

Oh well politics loss is bloggers gain...

The Lovely Bones said...

Smokers beware...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW6YKeMGFkg

nick said...

Only on alternate days. The other days I'm Penelope Cruz. It gets a little confusing.

Scarlet Blue said...

Ms Lovely: Thank you!
So when are you starting a blog?
I think you should.

Nick: You'll get used to it. Just don't get the knickers muddled up. It'll ruin everything.

Sx

Heff said...

I'll stick with my Nicotine and Tar thank you, lol.

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

Who me?....start a blog?....blushes profusely....if I thought I could blog as well as you then maybe. Just enjoying reading them at the mo...

The Lovely Bones said...

Scarlet,

I am of course flattered that a blogger of your standing/following would consider my input/comments on your blog as indication that the ramblings of my troubled mind would be worthy of putting into blog form.

Thank you Scarlet

TLBxx

nick said...

Ooh, I wouldn't like to discuss my smalls in such a public arena. But rest assured that any sensible girl carefully avoids such embarrassments.

MJ said...

There are people who prefer used ones.

I shall refrain from posting the link.

the eternal worrier said...

I was laughing at an old ‘My name is Earl’ the other day and he was trying to give up smoking. He was trying to light up a carrot stick! Like your blog, love the girly pictures.

BEAST said...

Come on Miss Scarlet , lets spark up behind the bike sheds and skulk a little

Gadjo Dilo said...

Ooh, this wouldn't work for me - there's nothing more likely to make me start smoking again than watching classic movies.

Scarlet Blue said...

Heff: So I can't tempt you then? And you don't even want to dress up?

Ms Lovely: Oh go on! You know you want to!

Nick: Today I am in a Betty Grable frame of mind... I will be wearing my big knickers and shaving my pins.

MJ: Many thanks for refraining. I'd like to think that this link doesn't exist, but I have a horrible feeling...!

Mr Worrier: Hello and Welcome!!
...I tried to smoke a tea bag once... and then there was a rumour about budgie seed, so I tried that too.
I am no longer experimental with items from the larder. Chocolate spread being the obvious exception.

Mr Beastie: I'll be there in five minutes, keep my seat warm.

Gadj: I'll put my Now Voyager clip on hold then!

Sx

nick said...

I won't ask about any other shaving requirements. I'm far too tactful.

The Lovely Bones said...

Nick.....best not mention brazilians around here.... ;-)

Morning Scarlet :-),

I will give your suggestion some further thought. However should it go Pete Tong I could always resort to blaming you ;-) as we live a blame culture society now......lawsuits to follow....lol

TLB xx

Scarlet Blue said...

Nick: Hairy legs?

Ms Lovely: I'm sure you could write a blog about music? Yes, start off with a bit of music and see where it leads you. I somehow get a vibe that you're very knowledgeable about this subject.

Sx

nick said...

Did I hear Brazilians? Ms Scarlet can tell me her most intimate secrets with total confidence that I wouldn't pass it on to a single soul.

KEVIN JACKSON said...

Hi S, exhibition going fine considering no-one has any money to spend on art, or indeed any money to spare after the gym, the extra food intake that no-smoking entails, the mints and consequent dentistry, the patches, the hypnotist, stress counsellor, support-group costs, gum, the supplements, the new clothes having grown out of smoking jacket, more new clothes when you regain shape again - if you do, the fag replacement fluids in every hand, perfume to disguise our stink now it’s revealed to be at least as noxious as stale smoke, vehicle fumigation, house redecoration (what to do with all these ashtrays?) - oh exhibition, yes not bad and thanks for asking. I made gallery place one so that smokers weren’t left in the cold with nothing to look at …




Picture doesn't work here ...





In fact, only smokers can see it.
And ‘hey’, South Kensington is full of them. Lots about at 10am on a Tuesday, as you can see. but you can't I aver tongue half-in-cheek, that smoking is cheaper and you get to die younger which concentrates the mind if nothing else.

Chairman Bill said...

Giving up smoking is easy if you have something to do as a replacement - like ripping people's heads off.

Chairman Bill said...

PS - it worked for me!

Scarlet Blue said...

Nick: Well Nick, it's like this.... *whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper*
...and then I fell over!!!!!

Mr Jackson: You make an excellent point with the non-smoking snowball effect.
And I think, considering the current [and on going] non-smoking climate, that you are very brave to make art especially for the smokers.
We thank you.

Mr Chairman: I was a ravage when I gave up... heads rolled, were chewed up, stamped on... and finally put through a mincing machine.

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

...and at some point I'm going to go through the giving up process all over again... I'm a sucker for punishment...
Sx

The Lovely Bones said...

Afternoon Scarlet :-)

Well good luck with that....just warn the rest of us when you do and we can make allowances....oh well back to plane spotting.....oh forgot there aren't any because of a bit of dust....lol.

:-)

TLB xx

Clyde said...

So, if I give up the cigies and suck on a tampon, does that mean I'll be able to go swimming and ride a bicycle ?

xl said...

Miss Scarlet, I hope you are not suffering from second-hand smoke inhalation from that Icelandic volcano.

Scarlet Blue said...

...I have been busy writing a new post and you have all snuck in here... admittedly I did go on an after publish edit...
Sx