Monday, 17 May 2010

Flakey Women

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In the UK young women are often found in fields where they are encouraged to follow their artistic pursuits. They are fed on chocolate.



Unfortunately the diet of chocolate and living alone in a field plays havoc not only with their teeth but also with their mental health. Many are found wandering naked amongst the wheat baring their gums to the sun and many haven't even bothered to slap on the sun cream.
If you are visiting a field in the UK anytime soon then please please take with you some spare clothes, a picnic basket of nutritious food and perhaps a colouring book with an assortment of wax crayons. Remember, these women need our help. Thank you.

50 comments:

xl said...

Yay! Miss Scarlet is back! And first!

If you don't mind, do you have a map handy to those fields?

The Unbearable Banishment said...

We can't get Cadbury flakes in the States. They're great crumbled on vanilla ice cream. I have to pick up a supply when I pass through Gatwick. But we don't have big gaps in our teeth, either. Mere coincidence?

Dave said...

I spend hours walking through the fields of Norfolk, and have yet to find a woman, far less one in need of clothes. Where am I going wrong?

Oh, and welcome back, gorgeous.

TechnoBabe said...

That is an excellent ad for bleeding gums!! You find the good ones, Scarlet! Hope things are going well for you.

nick said...

The first woman seems to think the painting looks better on its side. Does the chocolate include a recreational drug?

Rog said...

I always assumed it was an advert for Gap.

MJ said...

Won't the wax crayons melt in the sun?

Yay! You're back!

Mitzi said...

Welcome back Scarlet! I'm often seen walking besides the rape fields near to where the lorry drivers rest up for the night (A19 near Skelton)I love this time of year.

Princess said...

Welcome back Miss Scarlet,
your looking very refreshed after your break away...

Those poor young girls. no wonder their teeth rot. Should we start a campaign?

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr XL: The map is top secret... but if you cross my palm with chocolate....

Mr Banish: You don't get flakes!!!? Do you not get 99s either?

Dave: Just wait til you get to Cornwall!

Techybabes: It's a bit of a strange ad... I think it's the field that makes it surreal.

Nick: Chocolate is a recreational drug.

Rog: I got this ad confused with the sun damage ad. But it would work well for Gap... other than she's naked...?

MJ: Yes, it's funny how this young woman found the sun... an uncommon phenomenon in the UK.

Mitzi: Ha! I had a boyfriend who had vivid fantasies about fields of rape. I shall try to find his number for you.

Missy Princess: I think a campaign would be in order. I will write to Joanna Lumley and see if I can get her support.

Sx

Eryl Shields said...

Are these the wild cats that people talk about? They look happy enough and luckily you don't need teeth to eat chocolate.

fairyhedgehog said...

I was wondering if you were OK. I'm glad you're back!

Did you notice that the chocolate overdose also resulted in a complete absence of nipples? I learn some amazing things in this blog.

Pat said...

Corsoldyl can make your teeth go black. Better stick to Milk Flake.

zIgGi said...

**sitting naked in field waiting**


How long should I give it?

mago said...

Corsoldyl? Never heared of. Vicodin on the other hand ...

Macy said...

Hmm lack of any sign of goosebumps suggests a field well south of the border methinks.
A mythical place with no nettles? Just loads of sweetie wrappers??

BEAST said...

They have released you from the Priory then !

savannah said...

so, what were 'all doin', sugar? i missed y'all plenty beaucoup! ;~) xoxoxoxox


(i'm not really back yet...)

eroswings said...

Welcome Back, Scarlet B!

I'll bring some extra toothbrushes and toothpaste and dental floss for these ladies. I'll also be sure to keep them company while they work on their tans!

eroswings said...

P.S. Missing teeth aren't necessarily a bad thing ;)

Scarlet Blue said...

Eryl: Do you mean 'Cougars'?
No, cougars are found prowling around public boys schools. And they only eat lettuce and low fat cheese spread.

Fairyhedgehog: Seems like an absence of everything... other than sun stroke.

Pat: Indeed it does! The only way to stop this side effect is to avoid coffee and tea.

ZigGi: Be careful! Dave is on the prowl.

Mr Mags: Now that's not going to give you zesty fresh breath, is it?!

Macy: It's probably a refuse tip south of Sidcup.

Mr Beastie: You joker you!!!
I have under gone several beauty treatments...a banana detox, a cucumber wrap and a colonic irrigation courtesy of a plumber from Stevenage who had a way with a flexible rod.

Savvy: Apart from the above, I spent my days looking after my parents dog whilst they went on holiday.
Good to see you too!

Mr Swings: P.S. Missing teeth aren't necessarily a bad thing ;)

It avoids any nasty nips in sensitive areas, doesn't it?!
You are naughty...

Sx

Vicus Scurra said...

I don't have time to go to fields. I have put up a large fence to keep them out of my garden. They play havoc with the antirrhinums.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Vic: You could always invite Dave to stand in your garden, dressed as a gnome, that should scare them off.
Sx

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet have you seen that perfume advert with old gappy teeth going mental in a field of flowers.....thats really freaky

Lulu LaBonne said...

ah those Flake ads...

They don't make gum disease ads like they used to do they?

Kerrie said...

If you eat too many flakes they do get everywhere. So it's only a matter of time before you find yourself eating them naked in a field.
The answer is switch to Yorkies.

Glad you are back x

Kevin Musgrove said...

A finger of fudge often offends...

mago said...

Not directly ... I somehow did mis-understand the second spot. Against Skorbut one uses lemons, so its a Vitamin compound?
The last time I met a naked and a bit confused young lady on a field was at a local open air festival some years ago.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Beastie: I don't watch those sort of channals.

Lulu: Indeed they don't! I mean where is the nice man in a white coat... where are the charts and the simple graphics... where are the sadistic admonishments...?
It's all going downhill.

Kerrie: This is a perfect explanation! And Yorkies are easier to dunk, plus they come with a frisky trucker.

Kev: They never offend me... when frozen they can double up as toothpicks.

Mr Mags: Another good explanation! She could very well be at a music festival.
What did you do with your naked lady? I hope you wrapped her in a tartan picnic blanket.

Sx

mago said...

Not my lady, a lady of her own. I came to the meadows in the late morning and nearly fell over her. When she had danced enough she really visited me on a blanket. It was a peaceful summerday with a lot of music, smoke and cold beer. She slept the whole afternoon. It was a nice evening with blues and reggae while the meadows became a little muddy. She choose to stay with us - we were five people - over night. We stayed in touch. Some time later she went to Berlin, did not hear from her for years.

Heff said...

Ummm, WHERE EXACTLY are these fields ? lol !!

nick said...

There seems to be a subtle subliminal message on the second advert. The woman has a missing tooth and she's also pregnant. Is there a suggestion of rape here? Or does she just happen to be pregnant?

Roses said...

I got given a mountain of chocolate for my birthday.

Dave, do you know any good fields? There aren't any in Norwich. The local park just doesn't have the same flavour....

Welcome back honey.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: Did she ever put any clothes on?

Heff:Ah! You will have to catch a flight to Blighty... Volcanic ash permitting.

Nick: Is she pregnant...? No silly... she only eats chocolate... you don't get teeth like that eating celery...

Roses: Naked and swinging in the recreation ground...? It happens!
We shouldn't get Dave overexcited.

Sx

tony said...

Usually ,They Need Wellies Too!

Scarlet Blue said...

Tony: Do you mean naked other than for the wellies?
That's a bit kinky. I like it.
Sx

mago said...

Oh yes, skirt black and red gipsy style with little light reflecting pieces of metal sewn on and a tshirt - batik of course.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: But no bra??
Sx

kyknoord said...

"It contains the same ingredient used by dentists"
To do what?
Make a tasty potroast?
Clean the drains?
Embalm the bodies in the basement?
If that isn't misleading advertising, I don't know what is.

nick said...

The same ingredients used by dentists? Mercury, obviously.

mago said...

Was not yet invented in those dark times.

dinahmow said...

Ah-ha! So that's where Ziggi is.
(And I still think you could do a number on the Smirnoff ads)

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Kinky: I know what the ingredient is!!!
Water.

Nick: Or could it be bleach?

Mr Mags: This must have been the era when women made huge bonfires from discarded lingerie.

Dinah: Were having our summer over the next 36hrs, so I hope ZigGi has put on her sun cream.

Sx

mago said...

Free and natural.


(Shoot Knaus-Ogino ... )

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: The Rhythm Method... with their catchy tune... Bang Away.
Sx

mago said...

Its all about rhythm, cycles and circles.

End 70s, early 80s. All terribly oecological and natural - chemistry bleurgh - lila Latzhosen, itchy wool pullover, bearded men knitting ... you get the picture. Music by Tone Steine Scherben, BAP, Spliff Radio Show, Westernhagen, a lot of locals, friendly herbal anarchists on the countryside, the state was not amused. "No to chemical sterilization."
Holy shit. Worse than Rome in retrospect.

Madame DeFarge said...

(and I know I'm late to welcome you're return, but a girl has distractions of a lesser kind).

Flakes are the work of the devil. I am reliably informed of this by people who know.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: I'm beginning to think I missed something. But I only missed by a fraction.

Madame D: It's always lovely to find something special at the bottom of my comments box.

Sx

absurdoldbird said...

Ha ha!! I love it!
Just surfed in from French Fancy (who's an old friend from that weird place called 'real life') and look forward to reading more of your posts.

Val

Scarlet Blue said...

Val: Hello and Welcome!! A pleasure to see you!
...I may name you Dolly Bird in future... I hope this is okay?
Sx