Tuesday, 29 June 2010

...and on that note....

My poor old laptop can't cope with the snazzy newfangled Blogger templates. I find myself jerking off all over your posts, and this just isn't seemly, or appropriate. I can enter you via Google reader but it's still hit or miss as to whether I make it into your comments box. It is most frustrating. And my line speed is on go slow.
So I am having a longer break than I thought I would. I thought it would be nice to leave my blog with a classic Scarlet post, until I get a new laptop, or some kind soul sends me an iPad and on that note....

It takes years of learning, a steady pair of hands, and an unflinching demeanour to gain the ancient skills and techniques required for good bush-craft. Here we see Annie Wilkinson with a portfolio of her latest topiary designs and a few of her happy clients. Annie has a natural flair for ornamental balls and geometric squares. She has learnt her trade the hard way and she has reached the top of the tree in her field without the need for an Ikea stepladder. It was an arduous ascent. There were bumps and gashes along the way, nics and serious injury. Her pathway has been hard to clear. First she was tripped up by Sally’s stubble, then she got lost in Lindy’s thicket; she was almost broken by Brenda’s bracken and just very confused by Allie’s travelling wicker. Finally, she slipped and lost her clippers whilst shearing mossy flanks. Indeed, there have been rough patches, and times when she nearly gave up. Thankfully, Annie’s supportive friends rallied round and offered up their scrubby beds so that she could beaver at her craft. She tackled Tina’s teasels; she dealt with Holly’s pricks; she weeded Fanny’s borders and shaped up Moira’s twigs….. [good grief]
Anyhow, Annie has grown restless, there is only so much she can do with sequins, spangles and decorative fringing; she is tired of all this frippery and has decided to turn her attentions to boyfriend Duncan’s natural forest. It is huge and on a mammoth scale. The sap is rising, her fingers are loose, she’s learning the pleasures of whittling with spruce….

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Go On England!!!

Thought I ought to show willing, even though I am on a blogging break.... and I don't really like football...

Is it going to be tears before teatime? Is this a silly question?

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Va Va Voom... And Other Words Beginning With V

Vuvuzela - now here's a word I will practice before saying in public. It is a word to be rolled around the tongue and swiftly blown. And not to be said with your mouth full.
As a child I was prone to verbal mishaps, mostly my mistakes were gently corrected, laughed at or ignored. Denim became deminimum and aluminium became aluminiminimummmn. I tried never to mention Birmingham and would often find myself steering the conversation towards Manchester. Like many children I had a problem with the Grand Prix, and of course with that well known car manufacturing firm...
It was a special occasion, friends and relatives were coming for Sunday tea; Mum had opened a fresh can of spam and had baked a Victoria sponge. She'd also done a salad and some other boring stuff featuring pineapple chunks and half a grapefruit. As we sat around the dining table my Aunt began to tell us about her brand new car, marvelling over its luxurious leather interior and its faux wooden dashboard. I could see it through the window parked on our driveway - new, red and very shiny. I was most impressed. Loudly and enthusiastically I asked, 'Dad, when are you going to get a big vulva like Auntie Pam's?'
Such a shame that my Uncle had just popped a pickled onion into his mouth, but at least his choking provided a welcome distraction....

***UPDATE*** I will be absent for the rest of the week. I have work to do and if I don't start it now then I never will. I will be about... but not as frequent.

***FURTHER UPDATE*** Although I seem to be appearing HERE. All help gratefully received.

Monday, 14 June 2010

Checking In


I don't know why favourite blog Informaniac has been deleted. Maybe it's because Blogger has been adding new bits and bobs to our dashboards... but maybe it is censorship? Anyhow, I have more or less used all the credit on my phone trying to keep up with it all. I am upset. I will be checking out Wordpress when I get home - I might be going upmarket! I'm not staying on blogger if they're going to delete blogs willy nilly... or even blogs with willys... end of.

****UPDATE**** MJ's comments are still vanishing from blogs so if you want to keep her words then click the email comments box. Hopefully this problem will sort itself out. I am having a bit of a mare with my new Wordpress blog and as Leni points out, they may well be more prudish there.
Meanwhile, I had an extremely exhausting weekend, I will be remaining in my bath chair out on the patio until I feel better. I feel better than I did yesterday so there is hope.

Friday, 11 June 2010

News Flash!

I'll be back Tuesday! - No this doesn't mean I'll be displaying a picture of my back on Tuesday.... or does it?

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

A Little Behind

Good grief.
The things I do to keep people happy... it's a good job I do a bit of yoga or I'd never have been able to get this shot.

Click to make big
Now that I have illustrated the behind [little or otherwise] can we now have a sensible discussion about the 1940's British economy? Or shall we talk about Wales... or Whales even... or continue the fascination with the Victorian lard sculpting tool, or am I just tempting some very rude comments?

Some rather more explicit images of the behind can be found here and are only suitable for the more discerning viewer.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

A Warning To Travellers

Mr Beastie writes: New post !!!! Hurry up. Well, I'm a little behind so to keep the peace I will have a rummage through Youtube and see what I can throw on the screen... hang on... I won't be a minute... make yourself busy and play with the Victorian lard sculpting tool whilst I choose something suitable....

Er... well Mr Beastie, you did ask me to hurry up, so I bring you this stern warning from the 1940's....

All explanations gratefully received. Thank you.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

I'm Two!!!

Today is a very special day on the Scarlet Blue calendar; I am two!!! *does special toddler dance*, meaning I have now been blogging for two years. Who'd have thought?! Two years of adverts and bush craft!
Anyhow, as luck would have it, I have also received an award from Technobabe, which is a perfect way to celebrate being on the blog AND, serendipitously, it is The Blue Award....

To accept this award I have to answer the following questions posed by Technobabe and then I have to make up ten of my own and pass the award on to six questionable bloggers.
Okay then...

1. What is one thing you do not want to write about in your blog?
I try to avoid writing about motorways and traffic news. This is sometimes difficut for me because I have a fetish for motorway service stations, particularly the Soltice service station off the A303 near Amesbury.
The year 2000 is also blacklisted.
2. If you were able to travel anyplace for a month, where would you want to go?
See above.
3. What is your favourite book reading genre?
Comedy/Drama; my favourite authors are David Lodge, Jonathan Coe and Mavis Cheek. I like books that make me think whilst I'm laughing.
4. How old do you have to be to consider yourself really old?
5. What part of blogging do you enjoy most?
The party in the comments box.
6. If you were looking for a roommate, what is your ideal roomie?
A wide screen HD ready television.
7. What does the word spiritual mean to you?
Cheesecloth blouses, patchwork floaty skirts and crocheted shawls.... Oh, and experiments with tie-dye and potato printing.
8. How many siblings do you have?
9. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Thankfully never a serious one. But I have been stood on by a donkey.
10. Do you have a pet?
Mr Beastie

And I'd like to pose these ten questions:-

1.  Do you prefer asking questions or answering them?
2.  What is your favourite joke? [Or favourite one liner?]
3.  Have you ever fantasized about being on Big Brother [the well known TV show... I'm not alluding to incest]?
4.  Have you ever wanted to enter a talent show?
5.  Is Simon Cowell really necessary?
6.  Tea or coffee?
7.  What is your favourite perfume? Or smell?
8.  What is the quickest route to Wales from where you live?
9.  What does the word 'Wales' conjure to your mind?
10. Are you dreading dreaming up ten questions to ask six bloggers?

To the following six bloggers:-

1. Mrs French
2. Mr Swings
3. Dave
4. Leah
5. Nick
6. Mr Mags

Many thanks to everybody who has partied in my comments box over the last two years! Shall we have cake now....?