Saturday, 19 June 2010

Va Va Voom... And Other Words Beginning With V

Vuvuzela - now here's a word I will practice before saying in public. It is a word to be rolled around the tongue and swiftly blown. And not to be said with your mouth full.
As a child I was prone to verbal mishaps, mostly my mistakes were gently corrected, laughed at or ignored. Denim became deminimum and aluminium became aluminiminimummmn. I tried never to mention Birmingham and would often find myself steering the conversation towards Manchester. Like many children I had a problem with the Grand Prix, and of course with that well known car manufacturing firm...
It was a special occasion, friends and relatives were coming for Sunday tea; Mum had opened a fresh can of spam and had baked a Victoria sponge. She'd also done a salad and some other boring stuff featuring pineapple chunks and half a grapefruit. As we sat around the dining table my Aunt began to tell us about her brand new car, marvelling over its luxurious leather interior and its faux wooden dashboard. I could see it through the window parked on our driveway - new, red and very shiny. I was most impressed. Loudly and enthusiastically I asked, 'Dad, when are you going to get a big vulva like Auntie Pam's?'
Such a shame that my Uncle had just popped a pickled onion into his mouth, but at least his choking provided a welcome distraction....



***UPDATE*** I will be absent for the rest of the week. I have work to do and if I don't start it now then I never will. I will be about... but not as frequent.

***FURTHER UPDATE*** Although I seem to be appearing HERE. All help gratefully received.
Sx

44 comments:

Chairman Bill said...

Vulva for Volvo! So you're from Bristol. That explains a lot.

Any luck with chrysanthemummenummnum

KEVIN JACKSON said...

I'm always tempted by 'viceroy'...

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Chairman: Sorry, no luck with chysflowers... and please don't get me started on sea anemmmonnemmenemmmes...

Mr Kevein.. sorry Kevin: Aren't we all! He's big down under so I hear.

Sx

TechnoBabe said...

Hi Scarlet, you do make me laugh. I see you have made up with Blogger. I hope you don't have any more trouble with it.

savannah said...

i.just.spit.coffee. thankyouverymuch! great story, sugarpie! xoxoxoxox

Scarlet Blue said...

Techybabes: The jury is still out on Blogger. MJ's comments are still lost. I have Wordpress on standby and ready to go should I need it.

Savvy: Sorry about the coffee! I have a habit of being inadvertently responsible for tea and coffee mishaps!

Sx

Roadshow said...

I have always remembered "uncomftify" and it's derivatives. In tribute to you, we still use the word to this day.

Scarlet Blue said...

Roadshow: We will get 'uncomftify' into the Oxford dictionary yet!
Sx

Madame DeFarge said...

Being Scottish I tend to say 'worum' instead of 'worm' and 'woruld' rather than world. I just like adding in random 'u's all over the place. The world need more 'u's don't you think?

eroswings said...

Ha! That was funny! Now, I shall think of vulva every time I see a Volvo!

LL Cool Joe said...

Isn't a Volvo one of the most boring cars on the planet? Maybe they should rename it and make it sexy.

I just corrected my 15 year old daughters English homework. She wrote Climax rather than Climate. When I told her she said "I don't know what I was thinking about".

Dave said...

I've had a feeling for several days that the goings on in South Africa are somehow rude. I'm glad you've put me straight.

Borah said...

When I was about 10 years old, I had an infected nail (from biting). I couldn't find the penicillin ointment in the fridge and asked my mum to get me some penises :S

Kevin Musgrove said...

Somebody I know complained about "the constant buzz from those vulvas." Given the company they keep I took it as being correct at teh time.

kyknoord said...

Fear not, Scarlelet. We're all friends here and who among us hasn't committed a verbal fox pass or two? Incidentally, I have a vuvuzela on my desk. It's as yellow as a bananananananana.

Eryl Shields said...

Spam and pickled onions, those were the days!

63mago said...

This volvo behind them - is it "the car" and ready to run them over?

It's the power of images, hm?

moreidlethoughts said...

Oh dear! I had a late night so my sluggish brain thought you'd had trouble with the French car. Y'know - the Renal.

Pat said...

That's so funny. Your Mum's teas sound like my Mum's teas were- but always the malt loaf and the trifle.
Did you ever see that children's programme and the little girl was reading from a script and said Grand Pricks and the presenter - embarrassed, corrected her pronunciation. The little girl thought about it and then said -'Well it says grand pricks!'

nick said...

Reminds me of the gynaecologist who used to say she provided cervix with a smile.

xl said...

It could have been worse ... if the car had had to be described as "moist and glistening" from the morning dew!

MJ said...

Hey everybody!

Here’s a photo of Miss Scarlet blowing her vuvuzela.

Scarlet Blue said...

Madame D: The world is a better place with U in it.

Mr Swings: You see the sight of a Volvo can generated good thoughts.

Mr Cool: What with all the rising temperatures, high pressure, and steamy humidity... actually I think it's an easy mistake to make!

Dave: Apologies! I have been wondering if I was the only person to have 'issues' with the word vuvuzela... and it is just me, isn't it?

Borah: Did you ask for the penis ointment? Yep, I feel your pain.

Kev: Have I friended your friend on Facebook yet. I feel that an introduction is imminent.

Mr Kinky: Are you blowing the vulvuzela on a regular basis?

Eryl: ...and finely sliced cucumber soaked in vinegar. I used to love those teas.

Mr Mags: I dread to think what's going on. Behind these happy drivers is a vulva?

Dinah: Easily done!
[At the time I couldn't think of a title - 'Away with words' might have been better].

Right, I'm off to see if I can find the Youtube for Pat.

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Pat: I know the exact clip you mean, but I can't find it on Youtube. When I originally saw it I didn't understand what was so funny...
Yes, we also had malt loaf and trifle!

Nick: We all aim to please.

Mr XL: Goodness! Good job I wasn't sucking on a pickled onion when I read your comment.

MJ: Good job I wasn't sucking on a pickled onion when I clicked the link!
Is this comment staying? The Google forum hasn't replied for awhile.

Sx

Kerrie said...

Well, voluptuous,vibrating vikings.. Sorry just had to get those V words off my chest.
If only my Vulva had a luxurious leather interior. I think it would improve my quality of life.
I personally used to love a nice Salmon and Cumbacuna sandwich as a child.

Autolycus said...

Thank goodness I'd put my tea down. But never miind, Ms Scarlet, deminimum non curat lex (otherwise known as "the law is not concerned with trifles", so your mum's tea wouldn't have got her into any trouble).

MJ said...

Alas. I've vanished again.

And taken my vuvuzela with me.

KEVIN JACKSON said...

Is it just me, or are those Vuolvo drivers all foot fetishists?
...
just me then & on other mighty matters,
Ms Scarlet. You're right!
What sort of place is LinkedIn? Why bother?
Dunno neither except . . . it does do what it's name suggests - links, just links and nothing else.
I'd never have found Scarlet Blue without blogspot, so maybe, maybe there's good to be found through LinkedIn.

I don't believe you bought THOSE jeans online, but of course you didn't - they are ART.

BEAST said...

I wonder if you aunty would give me a lift in her red shiny vulva ???? And your ma could make me a spam roll for the journey ....sounds like heaven :-)

Kevin Musgrove said...

It was one of the rude library girls (which narrows it down to about twenty!)

A terrible old queen I used to work with used to tell us the latest on his cottaging at length, without pausing for breath, each lunchtime whether we wanted to hear it or not. One of his gems was: "I thought I was going to get lucky with this one but she said to me: 'do you fancy some frottage?' and I'm not struck on cheese."

the eternal worrier is: said...

We used to call Volvos, vulvas when we were teenagers (silly boy stuff after a biology lesson)... Or was it the other way round? I can’t remember. Although something is making that guy in the fornt of the advert smile!?

Gyppo Byard said...

Vuvuzelas sir. Thousands of them...

Wordver: demica - half a Volvo...

Scarlet Blue said...

I have two missing comments...
I feel like the google moth is eating holes in the tapestry of my blog. Anyhow, enough poetry...

Kerrie: Are you not happy with your velvet Volvo?

Mr Auty: Tis a jolly good job that Mum wasn't serving muffins for tea...

Mr Kevin: Those jeans possibly are art now! There are very old - believe me - that started life being a very dark indigo.
Have you tried Twitter?

Mr Beastie: Indeed! They were idyllic times. Power cuts and bread shortages. I think there was a sugar shortage as well.
And a time....

Kev:...when frottage used to mean brass rubbing with crayons!

Mr Worry: I remember you! You were in my class! I've never forgotten the incident with the frog and my brand new annorak from C&A... I could never get the stains out.

Mr Gyppo: YES!!!! I must have one of THESE. Total gorgeousness!!!

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

MJ SAID: [June 20th.]
Hey everybody!

Here’s a photo of Miss Scarlet blowing her Vuvuzela

Clyde said...

A fresh can of Spam---
What, they had non fresh cans ?
Ah, even with the mask on, I would have recognised you and your Vuvu anywhere

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Clyde: Vuvu is a suitable alternative name for a volvo, isn't it?
Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Right, I have work to do and if I don't start now then I never will.
I may have a surprise for my next post... if it works...
Sx

Lulu LaBonne said...

It's the stress that I always get wrong in a word. I love big red Vulvas though
xx

nick said...

And I thought Vuvuzela was a country in South America. You know, just north of Gorgonzola.

63mago said...

You are writing your thesis finally?

French Fancy said...

It is hard for kids though - some words prove so tricky. I always had trouble with the word 'school' which I said as 'stool'; that sk noise was hard for my mouth - I could say Volvo perfectly well though - and my 'stool' would never cause uncles to splutter.

Well done on staying away from the blogoshpere - I'm doing a big bash today and then staying away for a few days as well. It's this summer business - I've got gardening to get on with.

(I don't normally mention word veris but todays is yackba - isn't that a great word)

Scarlet Blue said...

Lulu: Oh, I do that as well!
I am proud of the way I say harass though... I don't say 'harris'.
'Harris' always gives me the mental image of Rolf Harris chasing me with a didgeridoo.

Nick: I thought it was in East Angular.

Mr Mags: Doesn't look like it's going to get done today, does it?!

Mrs French: Yackba is indeed a fab word... and be careful where you're putting that stool!
Yes, I really need to get on with some bits and pieces.

Sx

63mago said...

Good to see that you received an answer! I got nonw. Maybe I should have titled with something loke "Bloody Blogkillers" or "Corrupt Comment deleters". Or I should get a new avatar ... :)

Grump said...

Wet myself, that's the sort of thing we would say in our house. Dyslexia and lisps abound.
Woofx
PS the word verification below is labea. I can't help myself I'm sure it says labia