Tuesday, 25 January 2011

The Sniff of Danger

Yesterday I was banjaxed at the beauty counter by the perfume lady who drenched me in the acrid scent of Sentir Un Peu Ordures. It's the new perfume from the House of Idoles écran et Non-entités, but I don't recommend it. It reeks.
Anyhow, it is taking me a while to wash it off, so I am away to the little known salt baths of Milton Keynes for a good scrubbing and some gentle rehabilitation and maybe a little light leech therapy...

I will be back, refreshed,but possibly with a little less blood...

Exit pursued by a penguin with his cockles on a tray....

55 comments:

Chairman Bill said...

Eau d'Or?

kyknoord said...

Have a good scrub and don't eat too many leeches.

MJ said...

Are you using Mr. Beastie’s Love Mitten?

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I had to Google "banjaxed." It's a verb, obviously, but of what flavor? (Or, flavour, if you must.)

Chairman Bill said...

PS - if there a scratch & sniff version of Scarlet Blue?

xl said...

I am also handy at towel fluffing, if that would help.

Nikos said...

This reminds me of

Καλύτερη ούρων αίγα

purchased at the duty free at Nicosia airport 5 minutes before the Turks turned up.

xsN

Ponita in Real Life said...

I hope you succeed in scrubbing that rubbish from your tender hide, Scarlet. I'm sure a minor blood letting will leave you with a lighter head.

Pat said...

Do you remember Youth Dew? That took some scrubbing off.
Is it a health farm? Remember after a day or two of grapefruit and grapes one is quite vulnerable. Be careful who you chat to at meal times:)

Eryl said...

Oh god those perfume dragons in department stores, they're skunk paparazzi.

Enjoy Milton Keynes's salts.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Chairman: Indeed it is! After much scrubbing I am feeling a little better.

Mr Kinky: Leeches are nice in a fruit salad... damn it, I meant Lychees...

MJ: The love mitten is on my list of things to steal. I will hold it to ransom and threaten it with a bottle of bleach. I know how to be mean.

Mr Banish: It's a good word isn't it? Flavour? See Mr Nikos - he's hit the nail on the head!!

Mr Chairman: Now there's an idea!

Mr XL: I would be extremely grateful if you fluffed my tail, it's looking a bit saggy.

Mr Nikos: You are rather splendid aren't you!!
Definitely the Billy variety...

Ponita: Thank you! I am feeling revived after a good soak.

Pat: You can still get Youth Dew! It is a bit powerful, but of its time.
Tish, I'm feeling a lot better now; I've thrown on a fluffy white bathrobe and will indulge myself with some spotted dick.

Eryl: Christ knows where I got Milton Keynes from... it was all a bit of a potpourri type of post...

Sx

wendy house said...

Ms. S, are you so petite that the very realistic from-life sketch was actually made with you in my Butler's sink? en-route to Milton Keanes...

http://wendyhome.com/2011/01/25/butlers-from-belfast/

Scarlet Blue said...

Wendy: Funny you should ask... my Mum used to bathe me in a Butler sink... but I was even smaller then.
Sx

B-u-x said...

You always make me howl out loud with laughter. Banjaxed has become my favourite word of the moment.

Bx

Macy said...

Look on the bright side...that whiff of Peu Ordures should guarantee you a seat all to yourself on the bus to Milton Keynes!

nick said...

Mmmmm, Sentir Un Peu Ordures, my favourite! Much classier than Eau de Pissoir Dégoûtant.

Rog said...

I wear "Paul Omm". I object to the use of "Wearing" though - it's the same agency that rechristened glasses "eye wear"

Princess said...

The "Stench Nazi's' are truly a problem Scarlet. I find the best thing to do when faced with the horrible task if running the gauntlet through the "smellware department' is... to fill my mouth with those loveley little coffee beans they have on display on their counters...

Then as the hoard of card flapping 'automatic atomizerers' make their approach... spit a couple of beans in their general direction.... Then watch as the stillettoed wenches scatter in an attempt to scramble for cover.

Leaving your pathway clear...

It makes my day anyway...

Mitzi said...

I was trailing behind an old lady in Home Bargains today who was wearing Odeur Chaude Thon. It was very heady, so-much-so that the staff were going round with cans of airspray.

LL Cool Joe said...

I wondered what that awful smell was. I can smell you all the way from my blog.

I prefer women in mens aftershave myself.

Chairman Bill said...

Your comment on butler sinks takes me back to Xmas, when we visited the last house on the right before America. They have a wooden butler sink, and despite it being counter-intuitive, it works very well and does not leak at all.

Whirlochre said...

That woman looks like she's 'holding one in'...

nick said...

That's as may be, but I'd still like to book half an hour with her. She looks like a lively little filly....

Scarlet Blue said...

Bux: I probably nicked 'banjaxed' from somewhere... it got lodged in my mind!

Macy: Maybe I was sprayed with cat repellant... my French isn't very good... but yes, life is a little more roomy with Sentir Un Peu Ordures

Nick: Where would I be without un moteur de recherche très bonne qui m'aide à traduire...every girl should try it.

Rog: Paul Omm??? It is early... the devious pun will come to me by teatime...

Princess: I am jealous. I know that if I tried your approach that I would simply end up choking myself. I would end up as a tangled heap on the floor and I would be super-sprayed.
Perhaps I could employ you as a body guard?

Mitzi: Noooooooo.... how did you know? I hate that smell nearly as much as quelque chose que je pourrais pas dans le bas de façon ruelle sombre.

Mr Cool: Apologies, I am scrubbed now and have sprayed myself in Old Spice in readiness for my imminent visit to your blog.

Mr Chairman: counter-intuitive?? Is it digital?

Mr Whirly: No, don't be silly, she has just let one off.

Nick: I am sure that she will budge up and let you share her digital Butler sink.

Sx

Mitzi said...

I'm hoping to introduce my new fragrance to the public this spring, Jambes Tremblent Dans Une Ruelle Sombre The fragrance is composed of such thrilling notes as aldehydes, peach, bergamot, orange blossom, honeysuckle, iris, rose, jasmine, ylang-ylang, coriander, mimosa, tuberose, geranium, sandalwood, vetiver, patchouli, vanilla, musk and amyl nitrite.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mitzi: I will do the follow up scent Akimbo jambes une ruelle sombre with a top note of chocolate sauce and dunked fish finger.
Sx

Roadshow said...

Good to hear that the SS Scarlet has been into dry dock to have her bottom scraped.

I was briefly excited today when your birthday present arrived, somewhat prematurely, through the letterbox, hard to believe that your fiftieth is almost upon us.

Once it has passed, will it be alright if I call you mum?

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Roadshow: Who are you??? I have never met you before in my life... I AM JUST SHY OF THIRTY as everyone knows....
But send me the present anyhow...
SX

Scarlet Blue said...

...b'stard.
***mutter, mutter***
Sx

63mago said...

... trallala ...

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: Is this by Calvin Klein?

Sx

white rabbit said...

The little known salt baths of Milton Keynes are indeed - erm - little known.

And as for the love mitten now that's just downrighte weird...

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Rabbit: Yeeeah... I may have been a little befuddled when I wrote the post... I may have been referring to the baths salts I bought from Milton Keynes...
As for the Love Mitten, you will have to ask Mr Beastie about it.
Sx

BEAST said...

I am still recovering from an unexpected spritz of Hai Karate in debenhams circa 1975.
Mr Rabbit has obviously led a sheltered life, he will be telling us he has never heard of the natural custard springs spa at Newport Pagnell next.
The love mitten has gone missing Miss Scarlet , I suspect a bitter Frobisher is responsible

Madame DeFarge said...

I hold my nose at danger. Dangerous whiffs cost lives. And the comment box works!

KEVIN JACKSON said...

been 'bathing out' myself what with bust boiler ... (now fixed, so silence due to deep soaking sessions)
Milton Keynes plus you Ms S less leeches could have figured had I only etc.

moreidlethoughts said...

I thought the Love Mitten was sent up to Kaz to help her get well?

And, for the record, I pedalled bloody Avon for a year (the agent was ill and I took over her round as a favour) and my flat was redolent with (of?) Blue Blazer for months. Dreadful stuff!

Have another lychee. or a leech. Or maybe even a lech?

nursemyra said...

Scarlet may I point you in the direction of perfume hater Christopher Brosius? My favourite is "In the Library"

Clyde said...

Ah, a few leeches strategically placed and a wasp or two to sting a blemish can give a girl a new outlook on life

nursemyra said...

http://www.cbihateperfume.com/perfume.html

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Beastie: Indeed! And I still have pleasant memories of the natural custard springs spa at Newport Pagnell.
And of course the major dissappointment of Walnut World.

Madame D: I have rearranged my comment especially for you... I hope it is comfortable.
I will do a post about comment box trauma over the weekend.

Mr Kevin: !!!!!
Have a lychee!
Good to see you back!

Dinah: The original love mitten is firmly attached to Mr Beastie so we sent Kaz a new one in pristine condition.
A lech, please!!

Miss Nurse: Hang on... will be back after looking at link....

Clyde: Is this an ancient Australian therapy?

Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Miss Nurse: They look rather good!!
I'm tempted by the Russian caravan tea.
perfumes.
Sx

Dave said...

I would just like to confirm that the picture is indeed an accurate representation from life, if my memory of last summer is reliable.

I'm not sure about the colour though. You hardly look ginger at all.

tony said...

I've had Sulphur Baths & Turkish Baths but never Salt Ones! Details Pleeze!

Scarlet Blue said...

Dave: HA!!! I have been at the hairdressers all day!!!
...for copper lowlights...

Tony: You need a Jacuzzi and some bath salts from Boots in Milton Keynes... put a little spin on it and glam it up a bit and Bob's your uncle... The Salt Baths of Milton Keynes!

Sx

Sandra said...

Ok, I'm French. I totally know that the perfume basically was called "Smelling like Garbage!" That's hilarious and terribly clever!...even if you are now stinky.

nick said...

I thought Milton Keynes was best known for its concrete cows. But clearly the salt baths are now jostling for the limelight. Concrete cows are so yesterday.

Julia said...

Where did you get that picture of me from?

Scarlet Blue said...

Sandra: Hello and Welcome!!!
I am well scrubbed now and smell like artichokes.

Nick: ...but topiary sheep never go out of fashion...

Julia: Long time no see!!
The pic fell into my lap.

Sx

Julia said...

Long time indeed Miss Scarlet... I am proving no good at remembering passwords. I seem to have inadvertently restricted access to my blog (not such a bad thing as I never write on it anyway) and can't recall my password in order to rectify this. Ho hum. I have too many online identities I fear.

Scarlet Blue said...

Julia: Erm... tell, tell, tell!! Which are your other identies???
Sx

Julia said...

if I only knew. I should never go online after drinking red wine.

Scarlet Blue said...

...oh come on, give me a clue???
Maybe I can help????
Are you related to Lovely Bones???

I love all of you mysterious bloggers.
Sx

Eternal Worrier said...

I love this picture... for obvious reasons.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Eternal: I thought it would lure you into my box!!
Sx