Monday, 4 April 2011

My Aunt has left all her passwords on her memory stick!!!! HA HA HA!!!! And I have changed them all so there's nothing she can do!!!! Everyone in the family thinks she is weird cos she makes weird stuff and makes handmade christmas cards that are rubbish. Even her secret files are rubbish and boring but I will load them anyway.

02/11/2006 THE HISTORY OF BOTTLING
Initially my experiments with bottling were explosive, shards of flying glass would become precariously lodged in the kitchen ceiling. The process was long, arduous & dangerous in the extreme. There were times when I would hold my head in my hands believing the project to be doomed to failure. Then one day: ‘Eureka!’, I discovered an ancient technique that made the process almost foolproof; I have only electrocuted myself three times since.
During this period I was supported by close friends & family who visited me more often than usual, they too were fascinated by the process of bottling. For example close friend Jules ably supplied me with an endless supply of empty bottles; her dedication & contribution to this project cannot be overemphasized, she is a legend in her own lifetime . . . albeit a tad incoherent . . . & wobbly on her pins . . .
Now that I was technically adept at bottling I could at last focus my energies on artistic creativity; I retreated to my purpose built garret at the bottom of the garden & awaited inspiration. Crawling through the back passage of my emotions I re-experienced hideous moments of my life that are probably best forgotten. It was a long painful journey, not without misgivings, but I was determined to suffer for my art, if I had to lie on a bed of nails & walk bare foot over burning coals, then so be it. Finally, when the sun was parallel to Pluto & Uranus was rising, my work was done.
Ten bottled feelings stood before me & I was a shadow of my former self . . . .

03/11/2006 HOW TO MAKE MONEY FROM ART
‘Viridian Venus’ is a small local gallery run by Moonchild Etherington -Smythe, who in her own words is a ‘Visionary Artist’, to quote further, her works are ‘a product of innate personal vision’. In Moonchild’s case, these visions manifest themselves as childlike impressions of angels. Appearing well-groomed at all times, she strikes the perfect balance between ethnic charm & middle England authority.
Moonchild was not overly keen on my bottles, she exclaimed that my soul was barren, that it was imperative that I release my bottled feelings immediately if I was to ever re-connect with my inner child. All I needed to do was sign up for one of her Visionary Workshops, it would only cost £150.00 & she would teach me to express the sound of a vacuum cleaner through the medium of paint.
I declined, I left her gallery leaving her to re-arrange her crystals; I was worried, confused, slightly disturbed whilst at the same time seriously impressed by her visionary commercial sense.

49 comments:

Pat said...

This obsession with bottles makes me wonder if you or auntie were breast -fed?
And I wish you could explain, in words I can understand, how you published your photo.

Scarlet Blue said...

PAT: She has loads of really really obsessive stuff she is dead weird if you met her in real life you would think she was weird too.

The picture was on her stick. But I always load pics by browse and uplaod in Blogger. My blog is really cool not like this one.

Scarlet Blue said...

I'm glad that you think she is weird too.

Nikos said...

From a purely ergonomic perspective is this bottles within bottles stuff a solution looking for a problem?

Scarlet Blue said...

NIKOS: What does ergonomic perspective mean?
Is this something to do with graphs and stuff cos I am rubbish at this.

Dave said...

I went to an art workshopo last week, which claimed it was going to release the repressed me. I was rubbish.

Scarlet Blue said...

DAVE: MY AUNTY REALLY FANCYS YOU!!!!!!

Dave said...

I know. While you've got the memory stick, can I have the photos back?

Scarlet Blue said...

ARe they the ones with the horse?

Dave said...

No, your aunty's in the leather catsuit, and I'm the one in the dog-collar.

Modo said...

It's very wrong to put another woman's stick in your usb port... it would serve you right if you picked up a bug.

MJ said...

Does she have any photos of Dave dressed as a tart?

Julia said...

I am Jules

kyknoord said...

How often does your Aunt crawl through the back passage of her emotions? It sounds extremely uncomfortable.

Scarlet Blue said...

MODO: My aunty is always picking up bugs she is always going up the clinic she is rank.

MJ: YOU ARE THE FUNNY CANADIAN LADY!!!!! LOL!!! I LIKE YOU!!!

JULIA: HELLO MUM!!!!

KYKNOORD: MY aunty is always up her own arse HA HA HA!!!

Roxy Carmichael said...

Ooh exciting stuff she sounds like an innovative artist. I am still busy freezing my menstrual blood so I can give the collector whose frozen blood head he payed 13000 quid for was accidentally defrosted by some builders !!!! http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2002/jul/04/arts.artsnews

Scarlet in Exile said...

Roxy: Hello and Welcome!
I think you mean Marc Quinn. Here is the LINK.
I imagine he will be making frozen wombs from your blood?
Anyhow, apologies... it is a little hectic around here today.
Sx

Scarlet in Exile said...

My niece has gone out. I have threatened to publish her baby pictures on her boyfriend's Facebook wall. There is a particularly endearing one of her dressed up in a pink fluffy bunny suit with sick all down her front...
This should make her think.

I apologise for this interruption, normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Sx

Scarlet in Exile said...

Roxy: Hello and Welcome!
I presume you will be making wombs from your frozen menstrual blood? This would be in keeping and should make you very rich.
Your link is HERE

Apologies, it's not usually like this here.

Sx

savannah said...

what is going on, sugar? i am confused! xoxoxox

nick said...

Bottled feelings? That's well fab, like totally ace and stuff. She should get it on with my own aunty, she makes pickled nightmares and frozen panic attacks, she's super-cool and she lives in a tree-house, how awesome is that?

xl said...

Does the recycling center pay double for the bottles thing? I sense a money-making opportunity here.

Jimmy said...

Holy Jaysus, is it your wee self that has become quite mad and befuddled with the drink?

Or am I just missing the point hen?

63mago said...

Niece or Nephew?
Niece I guess.

Macy said...

Heh heh heh I'm waiting on SOMEBODY's baby photos to flash up here in a minute....
Scarlet's, "Scarlet"'s... or Dave's????

Pearl said...

Oh, I love this. I can only imagine what my own computer history looks like:

Bleach Your Own Elbows
Cat Shaving
Home Trepanning

This does remind me, however, of the time that my cat, Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) figured out my password and posted on my blog. I was forced to change my password and deny the kitteh her daily treat for a week...

Pearl

xl said...

I'm hoping Lola & RJ don't get wind of this!

wendy house said...

Julia's offspring - I can see your bottled emotions and raise you 10 helium-filled balloons.

Scarlet - facebook the photographs one by one, photoshop could help raise the price

Scarlet Blue said...

I am back and have regained full control of my blog. I am now a bit skint and would welcome any support you can now offer towards the Scarlet Blue Restoration Fund.
Thank you.
Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

Savvy: Apologies, my blog was hijacked by my niece and she uploaded an old file from my memory stick. She was disappointed to find that my memory stick held nothing lurid. I keep my lurid memory stick well hidden.

Nick: Sweetie, she is 13... and not very impressed with tree houses... or anything else for that matter.

Mr XL: Are you suggesting that I should take my artwork to the dump????? I think I need some more pillow fluffing....

Mr Jimmy: DAD!!!
Apologies.... yes, very possibly the drink!

Mr Mags: Early days... it could go either way.

Macy: There are things worse than baby photographs... such as the photographs from the Christmas party at the The Pilkington Glass Works Factory 1982.

Pearl: This does remind me, however, of the time that my cat, Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) figured out my password and posted on my blog. I was forced to change my password and deny the kitteh her daily treat for a week...

...trust me...the niece is going to be denied far more than her daily treat... I have extensive plans.

Mr Xl: They don't need much encouragement do they?!

Wendy: In our day a helium balloon might of sufficed... these days we're talking iPads....
I have never had my own helium balloon... I have never spoken in a high pitched squeaky voice. This is rather sad.

Sx

Dave said...

'might of sufficed'

Scarlet! Are you sure your niece isn't still writing this stuff?

'Might have sufficed'.

Scarlet Blue said...

Dave: Considering the school I went to I'm grateful I can spell, let alone anything else.
Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

I am very tired now.
Sx

63mago said...

Tired? Good morning, Scarlet! It's Frühjahrsmüdigkeit! Yesterday I slept for more than 14 hours (!) - not in one sessions, but over the 24 hours of the day.
Is your nicenephew gone now?


wv: exesses (!!!)

LL Cool Joe said...

Ok this set of comments was truly weird, but I got there in the end.

I do wonder how I ever got to University. Must have been my charm and not my brain.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: She is gone now. I have exercised my demons.
Yep, I could do with 14hrs kip.

Mr Cool: Apologies!
I'm sure you can understand why I dropped out of university.

Sx

eroswings said...

That Jules is a great friend! I can identify with her devotion to making sure you got enough empty bottles, as I had done a similar thing in my early youth to make sure those cold ones in the fridge aren't forgotten and that they made it to the recycling bin.

Mitzi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mitzi said...

Have you ever tried to do this with a bottle Scarlet? It look fun!

Princess said...

Well you certainly are having a time of it Miss Scarlet. First missing comments and than a Hijacking by the enfant terrible...

I'm not sure weather it's safe to continue to visit... What next.? The invasion of a foreign blog? (UN sanctioned of course)

My heart shall skip a beat in anticipation.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Swings: If only I'd known you when I was working on this project!

Mitzi: No!!! But now I'd really like to watch the rest of the film!

Princess: I dread to think what's going to happen next... enforced Latin translation is a possibility.

Sx

BEAST said...

Jut dont leave your usb stick thingy laying around on your next visit to Cafe C . A blog jacking by Mr C would show this young whipper snapper a thing or too and probably ferment an international incident.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Beaste: HA HA!!!
Where do think I got the idea?!
Sx

Princess said...

Miss Scarlet nunc ... Paenitet sed Latina parva ferruginea

Scarlet Blue said...

Princess: More carrot than rust coloured!
Sx

nick said...

Yes, much better to exercise your demons than exorcise them. Where do demons go when they're exorcised anyway? Is there a big colony of demons-in-exile out there somewhere?

Scarlet Blue said...

Nick: I don't know, this is why I favour the exercise approach - don't want to let them out on their own, you never know what sort of havoc they could cause.
Sx

63mago said...

Interesting question, where exorcised (or exercised) daemons do go. The Malleus maleficarum seemingly knows no answer. Only some nights ago I re-read the story of sister Jeanne - two excorcists had gone mad through this desater, imagine! (of course no jesuits, pah!) - and I wonder whether you ever tried Knickerflaschen on your bottling project? Homunculi are normally kept in bottles and there's always a storm glass ready ... storm is ready ...ah different century, sorry.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Mags: Yes!! There is knicker flashing and strangely enough there is storm glass... but more of that later...
Sx