Friday, 8 April 2011

Your Comment Counts!!

The other day, whilst perusing my blog stats, I found a brand monitoring company [Visible Technologies] viewing my recent post about Waitrose. In a nutshell companies such as Waitrose, Tesco's et al will employ a company such as Visible Technologies to monitor social networking sites to find out what we really think about them so that they can suss out how to sell more stuff to us.
Right now there is a team of bright young things analysing the comments you made on my previous post and thinking of ways to implement your suggestions. If they take your comments seriously, which I'm sure they will, we can expect to see Speedy Weeny machines installed within shopping centres the length and breadth of Britain; Heston Blumenthal and Delia Smith playing with Zulus and inventing new ways with yogurt and cucumber; a pick your own section in a Sainsbury's sponsored strawberry field; shopping trolleys with no wheels and, aisles dedicated to blind dates with large melons.
So if there is anything else you would like from your shopping experience then feel free to write your demands in my comment box. You are being watched!


MJ said...

What would they make of Mr. Beast and his bananas?

Scarlet Blue said...

MJ: A new serving suggestion perhaps?

Happy Frog and I said...

Cool, I would like my groceries delivered by people on jet packs and I would like the use of a jet pack while shopping in store too. Jet packs please. Thank you.

Dave said...

If you could arrange a blind date with large melons my day would be complete.

xl said...

I get the occasional shopping cart with one wobbly wheel. But I have never had a cart with two wobbly wheels. So my question to Visible Technologies is: Why is that?

Pat said...

Aisles clear of shelve stackers so I can zoom round quick sharp.

Roadshow said...

It is remarkable how often one searches in vain for a receptacle in which to make instant custard, I should like shopping a great deal more if all grocers peopled their stores with ladies with big jugs.

Scarlet Blue said...

Happy Froggy: You've got a bit of a thing for jet-packs haven't you?

Dave: I'm sure that this is being arranged for you as I type. If you look out of your window now you will see your own personal trolley dolly.

Mr XL: Yes, Visible Technologies, why is that?? We demand four wonky wheels on our trollys.

Pat: Agreed! Sometimes the aisles are no better than operation stack on the M20.

Mr Roadshow: Reading between the lines of the comments received so far it seems that supermarkets would do well to employ ladies with an ample bosom. I hope Visible Technologies is making a note of this.


Pearl said...

I would like more applause, please. There are not enough people crowding around my desk at work and being impressed with me.

I think it would help with job satisfaction.


Chairman Bill said...

They never listened to my comments about my local Barclays branch closing on a Saturday.

I've moved to Nat West.

Anonymous said...

"The key is to uncover communities where you can become a contributing subject matter expert (SME), build goodwill, offer honest feedback and help provide solutions. Becoming a trusted resource engenders trust and can go far towards building brand loyalty, and generating your own brand community."

Sounds like cited from the undercover handbook, chapter "infiltration for beginners".
I trust in filter software.

Scarlet Blue said...

Pearl: Yes!! The check-up staff should sincerely tell us that we're wonderful and have great taste... and do the applause thing everytime we squeeze the oranges.

Mr Chairman: Visible Technologies may work for Nat West so had a good snigger when you left Barclays.

Mr Mags: Definitely 'Infiltration for Beginners'!
Good gracious, they have a team of experienced social media strategists... these must be people who are paid to blog every day... blimey... some of us do it for free...


Dave said...

'some of us do it for free...'

I'm sure we all believe you are a consumate professional, Scarls.

Dave said...

Actually, I think Pear's on to something. I would like Scarlet and Pearl to come round and applaud my sermons.

Ponita in Real Life said...

To add an element of surprise, Waitrose could always have the occasional trolley with all four wheels that turn. Makes steering a challenge! Not all of them, mind you, just a couple of carts that look the same as the rest so you're never sure if you've got the trick one.

And have children push them around the store. Yes, that's it. Children... zooming around with uncontrollable trolleys.

In case you haven't guessed, I like my shopping experience to be exasperating... NOT!

fairyhedgehog said...

You mean you don't get paid? It's a scandal.

I'd like electric trolleys to ride round Sainsbury's in, with a hot guy fetching and carrying for me. Someone like Patrick Stewart will do fine, thank you.

(Do you think they're listening?)

Jimmy said...

I wonder if Tesco/Waitrose will soon be changing the formulas for their cleaning products after viewing the old photies of your kitchen floor?

wendy house said...

You're a trend-setter, an influencer, you mention L'Oreal and I sigh with recognition, you mention Waitrose and I realise that I need to go there to fumble in the produce isle. I vote for giving you some dosh (not my dosh though)
W x


i'd just like to do a little online shopping with personal delivery by - oh, i don't know - perhaps javier bardem - and i'm afraid i dare not respond to the remark about squeezing the oranges, miss scarlet!

Vicus Scurra said...

1) Everything I want to buy is available on line so I have no desire to ever go shopping again, thank you.
2) If I am ever rich enough, I will go to the USA, spend 3 hours in Target and buy all of the clothes and shoes that I need for the rest of my life.
3) If I ever have to buy anything in a shop or petrol service station, can you please arrange for any salesperson who asks me to enter my PIN when my finger is already hovering over the keypad, to have a short but moderately painful electric shock to a tender part of their body.
That is all.
For now.
I hope that this helps.

Scarlet Blue said...

Dave: I will have a word with Pearl as I am the consummate professional.

Ponita: I think it might help if superstores provided sound proofed crèches.

Fairyhedgehog: Am I the only one who doesn't get paid???
I would like a portable ladder so that I can reach the top shelves.

Mr Jimmy: AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! It was weird pixelation, I tell up!!!! You could lick porridge off my floor and suffer no ill effects.

Wendy: I agree!!! And I want significant back payments!!

Ms Gypsy: So you're saying that you'd like Javier Bardem to squeeze your oranges and deliver a personal service?
You could be onto something.

Mr Scurrilous: I would also deliver the electric shock treatment for whenever I'm asked if I'd like to sign up for the relevant store card.


Roses said...

My needs are simple: Robert Downey Jr, a punnet of English strawberries and some Jersey double cream (a bottle of champagne would be good too).

nick said...

I'd just like Sainsbury's to stop propping up their vegetable boxes at precarious angles so my attempt to pick out an onion or two doesn't send the entire box flying and hundreds of randy onions hurtling towards the giant melons.

Scarlet Blue said...

Roses: Hopefully we shall see RDJ demonstrating what to do with a strawberry very soon...

Nick: Those onions should be strapped down and kept under lock and key. They are a menace.

Joanna Cake said...

It's not always the public relations employees of the companies themselves, you know, sometimes it's their competition checking on the social media/internet presence of the other major players.

So we may well find some of our suggestions popping up at Asda or Sainsburys ;P

Google Alerts can be set up to monitor whenever the specified search term is mentioned on the web and analysts are designated to decide what needs to be done with the entry dependent on whether it's bad publicity that requires burying or dealing with publicly to give the company's customer services department a better name (or for a competitor chortled over and 'shared') or good publicity that should be liked and shared (or for a competitor inducing ground teeth and copy cat procedures).

Social media gives us customers a public forum on which to vent our spleens over bad customer service and publicise any shortcomings or improvements that we think should ensue. We should all make more noise with it far more often :)

I love what 63mago quoted - you should see some of the groups being started on LinkedIn. It's like watching poor unsuspecting business owners being 'groomed'

And I am salivating at the thought of Patrick Stewart running off to fetch items that fairyhedgehog has forgotten when she gets to the checkout :)

fairyhedgehog said...

I don't get paid, but then your blogging is in a league of its own!

Mitzi said...

David, who works weekends at my local Waitrose can toy with my cous-cous anytime!

I like shopping at Waitrose, the expensive prices keeps the riff-raff out. I've been known to slum it occasionally at Asda and I once bought a waffle maker for £9.99 from Lidl. I often get flyers pushed through my bristled slot for Netto, but they go flying straight into the bin I have to draw the line somewhere.

Eryl said...

I would like someone with a gentle yet efficient voice to phone me every morning, ask me what I'd like for supper, and deliver it ready to eat at 7.30pm sharp. A beautiful handwritten note attached to tell me the provenance of the ingredients would be a nice touch, too. I know a calligrapher... X

normadesmond said...

i just pulled down my pants.

Scarlet Blue said...

Ms Cakes: I feel a little guilty now for venting my spleen at Waitrose as their website is working very well now and I'm being given money off for my next three online shops. Plus the lady was late delivering on Friday so I got a free bottle of wine. They are pretty hot on customer service.
One of my very early posts ridiculed the soft drink Oasis - have you seen their current ad... the bottle of Oasis has sex with a scotch egg, the tag line: Oasis goes with anything... maybe they have been taking advice from this blog!!!

Fairyhedgehog: I can dream and you are very kind!!

Mitzi: Going to the Asda in my hometown is like going to a scrum at a bring and buy sale... and you're never sure if you're going to make it out alive.
Waitrose is church-like by comparison.

Eryl: I think this is a lovely idea... especially the hand written note bit!!

Miss Norma: I hope they were frilly pants.


Whirlochre said...

Erectile tissue — so pleasing on an oven-ready six pack of Aunt Fucking Useless Cook's Yorkshire Puddings, yet so detrimental to health when smeared as a puree on supermarket managers to guard against freezer cabinet UV rays.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to suggest they open a branch in Australia

Dave said...

I have not seen the current ad for Oasis, and I suspect you had probably taken in illegal substance when you did.

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Whirly: Have you been arrested yet, for lewd intentions towards Yorkshire puddings? Please dress properly when visiting the supermarkets. Even Tesco's has a dress code.

Miss Nurse: Tesco will get there first. You will have no outback left.

Dave: Honest!! I saw it with my own eyes!! Was late though.