Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Domestic Angst

I don't know if any one's noticed but I've actually run out of things to write about. I think I am bloggy blocked. And I have post-angst. I am a post-angstist. Something has gone wrong. I don't have a giant glowing light bulb in my head, instead I have a string of twinkling fairy lights, but they have all fizzed and popped. It's very sad. And Adverts are no longer floating my boat. I have things that aren't very interesting to write. Such as my shopping list:-

Ceramic china ducks
Pink leggings
Leopard print leggings
A House
Hot water bottle cover
Tortoise feeder
Glow in the dark post-it-notes
Pink fringed sateen lamp shade
Plum sauce
Staple gun

I'm also very anxious about the handwriting meme, which I originally saw at Savannah's. I've drafted it in my head, but it's awkward. It's awkward because I was a calligrapher, so it would be like showing off. I am becoming a neurotic blogger.
I think I need a dose of oomph.
And, as an afterthought, how do you get towels fluffy without a tumble drier? Do I have to flap them in the breeze or something... or perhaps use a hair drier and a stiff brush....?


Anonymous said...

For fluffiness ask xl, he knows all about it, because it pleases the Mistress.
I am sorry to learn that you are an angst ridden bloggy blogged now. I hope it will pass. What makes me wunder is the number one on your shopping list - ceramic ducks. You mean real large ones like those ceramic dogs or roosters? These come in life-size too. Some are very handy I hear.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I think some of the best blogs are posts like this. If you can write about nothing and make it funny and interesting (like you just did), then that rocks.

Words of advice. Don't staple gun the sequins on to your dress while you are wearing it or you might get blood on your leopard print leggings causing you to throw your hot water bottle cover accidentally knocking over your ceramic china ducks which would scare the turtle from using the feeder which means you'd have to hand feed him milk and bread but might accidently give him play-dough in which case you shold make it taste better by dousing it with plum sauce which reminds me to make a note on your glow in the dark post-it notes to alert you about neighbors of your new house that like to wear pink fringed sateen lamp shades on their heads with pink leggings are well known for their towel fluffing skills. Problem solved.

MJ said...

*agrees with MAGO about asking XL for fluffing advice*

I'm quite sure you can borrow the pink leggings and sequins from CyberPete.

MJ said...

How about flying wall-mounted ducks like Hilda Ogden's off Corrie?

Dave said...

Get some guest writers in. It's working for me while I've got writer's block.

MJ said...

Don't go looking to Beast for advice on the towels.

As you know, he's rubbish at laundry.

Frobisher said...

Perhaps a cooking post, or even a cooking challenge!

As for the towels, try buying Egyptian Cotton and not those cheap ones from the market.

PI said...

I think fluffy towel are vastly over-rated. I prefer a bit of friction - much better for the skin and gets rid of all the dead sebum which is why I don't use fabric softener. And probably angst as well.

Sarah said...

Maybe you and dave should get together, then you would both have something to talk about...he's having a party soon so you could catch the train to Norfolk for that..

Hot water bottle ...already?

Dave said...

Dave wishes to scotch the rumour that he's having a party.

Chairman Bill said...

I used ot do some calligraphy too. You should see some of my ships' logbook entries - minor works of art. One captain tried to copy me, but it looked like a black snot trail.

savannah said...

awwww, sugar! the handwriting thing is supposed to be fun, not a chore! use a ballpoint pen. ;~D now, that shopping list is damned inspired writing! look what it did to WTWA! xoxoxo

xl said...

Sometimes I have angst, others ennui. Is that bi-polar?

Oh Hai MJ & Mago! Did someone mention fluffing?

TechnoBabe said...

I don't think towels get fluffy dried on a clothesline. They are scratchy. Rough. Kinda like sloughing dry with a big emery board. Feels good though.

:: Wendy :: said...

Relax. Let it be. So they know its christmas?

Jimmy Bastard said...

"I think I need a dose of oomph" No hen... I think you need a good night of sex.

By the way, who cares what you write about, as long as continue to look as good as what you do.

BEAST said...

Pray to the gods of Blogging , thats the only answer :-)

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Mags: I was thinking three flying china ducks - the kind Mistress MJ is referring to.
I do already own a ceramic duck sweet jar... I'm going for a kitsch make-over.

Mr Awkward: You are very kind!
D'ya know... perhaps superglue would be safer than the stapler. I won't get in a mess with that will I? I shall have to initiate some sort of creative project from my list... and not get angsty about it.

MJ: I'll look forward to his advice, it is a conundrum... I mean surely towels were fluffy before tumble driers came along?

MJ: Yep, that's what I'm after. I'm also going to need a muriel.

Dave: Would you like to be my guest writer. HOW ABOUT we all swap blogs for a day??????

MJ: ...and I don't want stinky fruit laden towels. I want nice fluffy white ones.

Mr Frobi: We could do a bloggy Come Dine With Me! Mrs P was interested in doing something like this, but she has, for the time being, vanished. She's a bit of a fan. She lives above a chip shop so she has an unfair advantage.
More expensive towels? Not the freebies from the catalogue?

Pat: I've forgotten the softener with my towels a couple of times... they dry completely rigid, like cotton boards! But yes, this is useful for exfoliation.

Sarah: It's flipping 'orrible for July!
A party at Dave's? I will bring my plum sauce... And my lamp shade.

Dave: Too late! You're having a garden party to show off all your hard work and to pass round the tomatoes. Tomatos [?]

Mr Chairman: I know! It used to take me half an hour to write my name and address.
And it's a bit of a perfectionist's craft!

Savvy: My blessed ego! Half of me saying: do the flash writing, the other half saying: just do the normal writing!!
I loved the meme though. I love handwriting.

Mr XL: I don't know which is worse? Angst or Ennui?
Yes, fluffing has been mentioned. You are the fluffing expert. How do you make towels soft and fluffy without a tumble drier?

Technobabe: Yep! That sounds like my towels! But I want them soft and fluffy!! I'm being scratched to ribbons and my skin is of the sensitive kind.


KAZ said...

Are those the glue on sequins that you seek - or the ones that you have to sew on by hand one by one?
P.S. I can supply the ducks now I've gone minimalist.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Wendy: I'm good at Christmas! I have fairy lights!

Mr Jimmy: Probably true and yes this blog hangs off it's avatar!!
Lucky Mrs Jimmy...

Mr Beastie: I am doing the bloggy dance to appease the Gods... I may have to sacrifice a Cadbury's Creme Egg...


Scarlet-Blue said...

Kaz: I'd like to sew.. but I'm probably more of a glue and staple kinda girl. I have no illusions.
I do have a spare wall - kitsch is making a come back - this time next year the price of flying ducks will be through the roof.

Donn said...

I for one would dearly love to see your calligeys!

Seriously, if you're stumped, write a gut-wrenching painfully honest post about a life-altering traumatic event that you magnificantly overcame through sheer brute willpower..
and don't edit it..
just start writing and let it flow from the heart the way it wants to.

Then before you hit publish, sit back and read it and say there is no "f" in way that I can post this...

chug a very stiff drinky-poo and hit publish. Now go and finish off the bottle and come back in two hours to see what everyone said.

Or NOT :)

Chairman Bill said...

I agree with Donn. Like the time you broke a nail.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Coppens: *Laughs hysterically* Erm... I think I'll dig out some calligraphy instead!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Mr Chairman: Oh you mean the time that I put the broken off nail on ice and rang emergency services?
I'll have you know I'm still in therapy. It's still too painful to write about.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I'm with Pat and Technobabe on the towels. LIFE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE EASY!! If you dry yourself on fluffy towels, what else is there to look forward to? A good scraping with scratchy ones will get your blood tingling and make your skin glow. Then go and hurl yourself naked into the bush. If that doesn't cure your ennui nothing will.

xl said...

Fluffy towels (assuming they have sufficient knap!):

1. Soak towels in warm water with one cup of white vinegar to remove detergent residue.

2. Launder per label. Mild detergent. NO fabric softener!

3. Dry per label. Add three tennis balls to the dryer.

@ DW-B: Miss Scarlet has angst. I have ennui. I have angst sometimes.

Mr London Street said...

I am missing your blog, for what it's worth. I'd happily read you blogging about nothing - more so than many bloggers blogging about something.

Madame DeFarge said...

Oh dear, my poor chum. I sympathise. I am filled with pre-holiday angst and can't quite get my head round the small fact of my imminent departure.

Why would you want glow in the dark post it notes? Can't you use the romantic moonlight like other people?

Elizabeth Bradley said...

I have been there myself, I like the term, bloggy blocked. I need a staple gun too. Lost mine somehow.

EmmaK said...

I hope this won't push you over the edge but the only solution to the fluffy towel issue is to buy a dryer. Or maybe go to a laundrette and dry them there and pick up a wierdo while there - fun blogging fodder no doubt!

Scarlet-Blue said...

Daphne: I shall find a spare bush to throw myself in... I think this is what Mr Jimmy was suggesting.

Mr XL: You are tired, I can tell. I have no drier.
So now my question is: Were towels fluffy before tumble driers existed?

Mr Streets of London: You are very kind! To be honest I think I've taken the 'nothing' post to levels once undreamed of!

Madame D: Are you off again!!!? Blimey! You lucky thing! I hope you're going somewhere where it isn't raining.
The post-it notes add a certain frission.. and it all depends on where they're stuck...

Elizabeth: It's funny how staplers end up in other peoples drawers.
[Not knickers!]

EmmaK: The only launderette I know of is in EastEnders, and there are some very strange characters washing their smalls in there. So I will add Tumble dryer to my list. Sigh.


Anonymous said...

That to say , Névrotique !!
Take one Ceramic china ducks to fill of Plum sauce or of Milk ,then load the Staple gun ...Having previously donned his "Leopard print leggings" !
After that take a blank page and describe the scene !

For Savannah's , I seized not !? " A graphological analysis ?"

Lulu LaBonne said...

I'm with Daffers and PI on the towel issue - get a two-in-one loofahtowel!

There is nothing to say that you have to keep blogging about what you said you would blog about in the beginning.
actually I didn't read the rule book of blogging yet - so I might be wrong there.

Leah said...

Please show off your fancy handwriting!

Eryl Shields said...

I'm getting used to rough towels, mine come in off the line like sandpaper, I think it's something to do with global warming.

Show us your calligraphy skills but to offset the beauty you should write something base: balance in all things.

You seem fine to me, by the way, X

Chairman Bill said...

Sandpaper and an oily rag. Can't beat it!

Grump said...

Fluffy towels are a sight to be seen. I love them. I remember as a kid going for sleep overs to a mates house and his Mum could make their towels fluff like you wouldn't believe. All I know is she kept them in a warm airing cupboard. They always smelt clean and special. As for the blog rot, maybe try sex to break the nexus. Or if that fails, pinch some posts off Ms Pouncer, she seems been going ahead full steam and probably would miss a line or two. Would you now kind aunty Pouncer.
Mark x

Dave said...

You write me a blog-post, and I'll write you one. You can let me have it at my party.

Kerrie said...

Don't worry hun no one notices that your towels are flat when you are wearing leopard print leggings.

Rog said...

Yay! Forty First!!!

Has anyone suggested the tortoise feeder could be a young man in lycra?

(Apologies as I only skimmed the comments with only an hour and a half to spare.)

eroswings said...

Just try to relax. I'm sure you've got a lot going on right now that's taking up a lot of your time and creative energy. That's okay. That's life.

As for the fluffy towels, growing up, we didn't have a dryer. We hung our laundry on the line to dry them.

The secret to soft towels is to bring them inside before they completely dry on the line--slightly damp, like you've just used it after a shower--and let them air dry. If they are too hard, I've learned that steam ironing them can soften the towels.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Crabbers: You were very good at graphology!
I shall make some custard and float my ducks...
Vous avez été très bon à la graphologie!
Je vais faire quelques crème et mes canards flottent ...

Lulu: I was going to do 'The Swan' [Sky 3]... but then Charlie Brooker obliterated it hilariously the other night on C4.
Have you seen it? It's jaw dropping.
My life is either very dull, or very odd!

Leah: I will flash my hand at the weekend! Photos permitting.

Eryl: Rude words look very pretty in calligraphy. I once wrote a page from a unix manual in Gothic.... something about 'paging daemons' - it worked very well!
I don't need a rail for my towels - they stand up on their own.

Mr Chairman: Never a truer word! After I dry, I moisturise!

Mr Grump: Yes! That's it! I remember visiting friend's houses and their towels were always fluffier than mine.
I bet Mrs P has a wet room and a dry room. And a sauna. Amazing what you can fit in a flat above a chip shop.

Dave: So the party is on?! I shall bring some tunes!

Kerrie: Leopard print leggings cover a multitude of sins!


Scarlet-Blue said...

Rog: Good idea! I shall hold auditions immediately!

Mr Swings: Well, actually I'm in a state of flux. I'm waiting to move. I know that very soon I will be up to my eyes in it. Or the sale could fall through. I have a lot to be anxious about, so I reckon I'm a bit twitchy.
I'm going to try the steam iron approach!


Clyde said...

A house came before the hot water bottle cover----hmmm, must still be summer

Liam said...

for a person with nothing to say you sure get a lot of comments.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Clyde: Actually it's pretty cold here for summer. Don't s'pose you could send some warmth this way?
Or I could put: trip to Australia on my list.

Liam: I know! Odd isn't it?!


WV: nonesser = Blogger with not much to say.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Are pink or leopard print leggings really a good idea for ginger women? I'd have thought it would clash.

I'll trade you: I'll post my scrawl, you post the posh stuff.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I've done mine.

I'll brook no excuses... (-:

Gadjo Dilo said...

The way to get your towel fluffy is to let your ginger cat play with it for a while.

If you feel you've run out of things to say, just try to be as boring as possible - you'd be surprised how funny that can be :-)

Dave said...

If I have a party, will you come?

Scarlet-Blue said...

Kev: Splutter!
I will post my posh writing at the weekend.

Gadj: Good idea for towel fluffing. Cats also make great hair stylists.

Dave: Tsk! Dave, Dave, Dave.... it would spoil the mystic!


Dave said...

You seem to be missing the innuendo in my last two comments.

Clyde said...

Ah Miss Blue,
It has been a tad cool here for winter---I nearly needed a jacket on the beach.
Of course, if you put that Aussie trip on your list, you are most welcome in my part of the country

Ladybird World Mother said...

Flap madly for hour. Lie on, with several friends (clean ones) and repeat process. works for me everytime.
For someone with no Oomph you made me laugh. And I need a staple gun too. With staples.

Ladybird World Mother said...

In case previous comment was a little too subtle.. flap TOWELS madly. Not just arms.

Anonymous said...

Dear S.Blue,
Love your blog; the other day I got an anguish note from Tweety the bird. Said...
Sylvester (that puddy old cat!) is off the chain again and
I can't get get back in my birdcage.
That puddy tat is very bad and he sneaks up from behind
I don’t think I will like to know what’s on his mind
I have strong suspicions he would eat me if he can,
Now is a good time cause Grandma and Hector are on their way out.
That taut taw puddy cat creepin' upon a good tweety like me…. bad puddy old cat"

Psssss, not all cats are lovely
Btw great post……

Scarlet-Blue said...

Dave: And what is this post about? Hmmmm??? It's about me not being on form. You see the proof is in the custard.

Clyde: It's summer here and I am also wearing a jacket... well right now I'm wearing a jumper.
You are very kind.

Miss World: Hello again!
I'm having thoughts of holding a fluffy towel party now. It could get out of hand especially if Dave gets his hands in a flap.

Miss Ansaloni: Hello and Welcome! Welcome Spain!! Am I right?!
Now that wee bird was always smarter than that cat - he did know how to flap.


This has all got a bit flappy...

zIggI said...

what will you do with the lycra clad tortoise feeder when the tortoise is hibernating?

Whirlochre said...

I've been away for two whole Scarlet-free weeks of pain and I demand to know more about the tortoise feeder.

Emerson Marks said...

Play dough? You bought some play dough? That takes me back. What do you make from it?

Tortoise feeder? Do you have a tortoise? What's his name? Do you have to put him a cardboard box for half the year?

I've got a good idea for you to blog about. I'm quite tempted at doing it myself as the balcony of my flat faces out to student land. So why don't you spy on the neighbours.

Look out the window see what that weird bloke who always walks to the letter boc at 6:15pm on a Tuesday, but doesn't deliver any letters?

What does the post box mean to him? Why always 6:15? Questions like this need to be answered.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Isn't the tortoise feeder a small person doing work experience?

Which might explain the leopard print leggings.

Scarlet-Blue said...

ZIggI: I'll probably get him to feed the stray cat!

Mr Whirly: I think I'm beginning to fall in love with the mythical tortoise feeder. Trouble is that he's got no teeth.

Mr Marks: I think the tortoise feeder has been covered. In lycra and sateen. And sequins. And plum sauce.
The bloke walking to the letterbox at 6.15 each evening without posting, does this because has to pass a house where in the window he's noticed a tall dark naked chap peering out at him [specifically at him] from behind a net curtain, and he's rather turned on by it.

Kev: No, no, no... you have to be fit to feed tortoises. And large. And know how to rinse a lettuce.