Saturday, 5 February 2011

More Fun and Entertainment - Infomaniac Edition

This is the third in a series of eagerly awaited and incredibly popular Tarot reading posts.

Legal Niceties:
Please remember that these readings are for fun and entertainment purposes only etc, etc... It is also worth noting that your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on a mortgage etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah...

As promised, this reading is for Mistress MJ and it promises to be something a bit special.
Before choosing her cards, I must first engage with her avatar... apologies MJ, this may make you sneeze...

Right, deep breath, here we go...

PAST: I will gloss over the various baking incidents, generally you are a gentle individual who is kind to old ladies and you have a fascination with squirrels. One unfortunate incident with an over filled icing bag should not be held against you; okay, so it may have taken your Aunt 3 hours to explain the situation to the arresting officer, and five hours for the surgeon to remove the nozzle from a sensitive region, but never mind, these things happen.

And let's face it, you redeemed yourself when you started knitting sweaters for penguins.
Instead I will focus on the strong images that the cards are giving me.
I see a man. Actually I see lots of men, most of them are senior and they are nekkid. But there is one man who stands out from the rest.


I see a dark haired man in a position of authority. He has been a highly influential figure in your life. He is connected to you being stunningly successful in your career... I see glamour... I see the Canadian curling team.... I see chocolate hob-nobs... I see nekkid old men again.... Anyhow... at some point in your past you learnt a harsh lesson, which was not to put ambition before your own emotional needs.

PRESENT: A huge dollop of luck is making itself manifest. Quite frankly, right now you can do no wrong and you are benefiting from being generous to others. You are now in a very harmonious place in your life.

But this harmony has been found through struggle and perhaps there has been a loss?

Future: Steady yourself for conflict... love perhaps. Your inner instincts must be handled firmly, but they must not be ignored or repressed. Out of this conflict you will emerge stronger. But this could also mean that you are in pursuit of a love object... someone has something that you believe belongs to somebody else. I can see you battling through a jungle of tropical delights; being thrown into confusion by a funhouse mirror and almost being thwarted by a gathered thong [boil washed and very grey]. I see you on a roadtrip....

...teaming up with a very attractive blonde lady and together you will reclaim what rightfully belongs to me her....

I am exhausted and the visions are fading....


Pat said...

Speaking of attractive blonde ladies; I was looking at photos of J.K. Rowling and she looked a bit like your older sister.
Does the hunk really need a swimming aid?

Scarlet Blue said...

Pat: I wish I could write like J.K Rowling... I wish she was my sister!
That's Mr Coppens, Pat... and he does look a bit of a hunk.
Is it time for bed yet?

Anonymous said...

Good grief!The multi-enned Donnnnn. Now with ?????s.
note to self: see if one can buy tarot cards with these images...

MJ said...

Oh, Miss Scarlet…there is so MUCH to contemplate!

I need to know if you see Donn nibbling my HobNobs?

People sometimes forget that Infomaniac was once a nice knitting blog.

I’m pleased that you reminded folk of my genteel nature.

You mention tropical delights.

By any chance do you see Beast with a bunch of (NSFW) bananas?

Or perhaps just a very large, very prickly pineapple?

You’ve given me much food for thought and I must go now and post about this, er, SLEEP ON IT and get back to you in the morning.

I just hope I don’t have dreams about the boiled, grey thong (obviously belonging to BEAST.)

Thank you!

wv: donsi
Which, coincidentally, is my pet name for Donn!

tony said...

I Have Seen The Future & It's Nekkid Penguins with Hob-Nobs!
[just another night in Hebden Bridge!]

designing wally said...

Everything is so much clearer now....

Princess said...

Oh Scarlet... Your skills in soothsaying are getting more and more brillianter with each scrying... wonderful work darling.
How far Miss MJ has come since her days of managing a knitting blog.

even WV finds it amusing and is getting in on the act :imendsoc

normadesmond said...

you are licensed, right?

xl said...

I went to an ice hockey game tonight. My team's Canadians beat the other team's Canadians! I now see that they may have been channeling your Canadian-heavy reading!

I remain, as ever, in complete awe of your powers Miss Scarlet!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Your divination of the Tarot is nothing short of awe inspiring.
I think some in the Coven should buck their ideas up lest you usurp them (not me, of course).

Dave said...

I couldn't possibly comment.

BEAST said...

I notice the cards completely ignore Miss MJ's bouts of appaliing flatulence and love of pickled eggs.However an awesome reading Miss Scarlet :-)

Scarlet Blue said...

Dinah: ...yes but have you seen the penguins? I want a penguin inspired Tarot pack.

MJ: And let's not forget the nipple project and more recently the crafts room and of course, the tampon angel.

I hope you slept well and were not disturbed by a gathered thong.


Scarlet Blue said...

Tony: Are the nekkid Penguins chocolate free? That would make them ordinary biscuits... oh, I see what you mean.

Mr Wally: Hello and Welcome!
I'm trying to focus on what's in the new room at the Infomaniac manor... it could be toning tables... but it could also just as easily be something to do with spaghetti or... no... it's coming through strongly now... it's an art gallery!!!

Princess: I know, MJ is an inspirational knitter, and has even been known to knit underpants for cats.
Please don't encourage Word Verification - he is the bane of my life.

Ms Norma: Hello and Welcome!
You can get away with anything and need no special skills in the UK so long as you prefix your behaviour with any one of the following:
A] I am a comedian.
B] I am drunk.
C] I am an artist.
D] I am a politician.

Mr XL: Thank you, Mr XL. Are you recovering from the snowy outburst in Texas?

Mr Devine: You flatter me, Mr Devine... please do it some more as it feels nice.

Dave: Please click on the penguin link!! They are so cute... I'm sure you will have something to say.

Mr Beastie: Thank you, Mr Beastie. Are you doing a boil wash today?


Word Verification Code said...



I always thought Jamesons had balls.

nick said...

This is all seriously defamatory, Ms Blue. As senior partner at the legal chambers Bigwrit and Payout, I have been called in to give my professional advice. And I have to say it's pretty damning. Our warning letter is on its way to you and I would strongly advise you to remove all the offensive material.

Lulu LaBonne said...

breathtaking - Cant wait to see these events unfold over at MJ's blog

hayward said...

Terrific reading Scarlett dear! We must ponder the love object your prognosticatory skills have revealed. Does it vibrate? Is it furry? Is it bigger than a bread box? I will be looking for clues.

Geoff said...

I foresee major frustration at the Colin Fishwick storyline.

MJ said...

We had so much fun creating those Tampon Angels and Maxi Pad Slippers.

Do you foresee more fun with feminine hygiene products now that the Crafts Room has been opened?

*breaks wind in Beast’s general direction*

Anonymous said...

I've been looking and looking and nobody has stock of the Chocolate Hobnob and Nekkid Men deck anywhere.

Happy Frog and I said...

I didn't see this post coming, which is probably why I should never be unleashed near tarot cards. Absolutely loved this post, though have had to wait a while to stop giggling so I could try and type something that made sense!

Scarlet Blue said...

Mr Code: Sigh.

Mr Kevin: ...and a lot of bottle.

Nick: I am speaking to my solicitor. He has advised me not to comment.

Lulu: Apparently we have a craft room! I hope we are given the glue in blue tubs with the little white spatulas that we used to have in the infants. It smelt nice.

Hayward: Hello and Welcome!!
Oh... I see crockery??? How peculiar... maybe we will be doing ceramic painting in the new craft room?

Geoff: Oh yes!! Much frustration!
My favourite line recently was from John talking about Charlotte:
'...and then I gave her to a passing paramedic...'.

MJ: I am rather taken with the tampon cozies and Tamponhenge. Blue Peter should have featured these, I'm sure they would have been even more sucessful than there Tracy Island.

Mr Kinky: Would Terry's chocolate orange be a fair substitute?


Scarlet Blue said...

Happyfroggy: Thank you!
If you catch me foraging in your anuls then you know what I'm up to!

Scarlet Blue said...

Sp. *their* not there

Madame DeFarge said...

Ooooh, I'm so excited to see how this one turns out. I want to see you at the end of a pier, looking all mysterious and visionary.

Anonymous said...

the gathered grey thong sounds ghastly. pass me the granny pants

wendy house said...

Wow! I susoect there's a box reserved downtown in M16 reserved for you and your special talents. Don't tell too much or you might get poked by and umbrella!
w x

Scarlet Blue said...

Madame D: For a moment there I forgot what this post was about and had visions of being the French Lieutenant's Woman.

Miss Nurse: Indeed it is! Avoid the gathered grey thong at all costs.

Wendy: Sshhhhh.... it's a secret...


Nota Bene said...

I swear I read this in The Daily Express six months ago...

Homo Escapeons said...

Que tarot, tarot,
whatever will be, will be

This is absurdly fascinating and what better subject than the Queen of nekked men. Who so unselfishly provides her adoring fans with mucho weinerschnitzels and vintage nekkedness. They say this cat MJ is a bad mutha?
MJ's postin' 'bout shaft.
She's a complicated woman,
But no one understands her but her bitches
Who dig shaft!

MJ said...

Who's the private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
DONN, ya, damn right

Scarlet Blue said...

Nota Bene: Er... yes, September the 12th, under Leo.... erm, well I have to get my readings from somewhere...

Mr Coppens: Indeed!
I think you have spinach stuck between your teeth... or something...?

MJ: I've often wondered what a public dick does for a living.


fairyhedgehog said...

Such deep insights! I've never seen another tarot reading like this.

Homo Escapeons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.